Raising independent children: Is panda parenting the way to go?

The Star

05-05-2025

The panda parent establishes a caring and supportive framework, but leaves the child free to make decisions. — AFP
After the strict and success-focused approach to raising children known as 'tiger parenting,' here comes panda parenting.
Inspired by the famous black-and-white bear, this way of parenting advocates a more relaxed approach that fosters children's independence. Here's how it works.
When it comes to parenting, animal metaphors abound, with tigers, dolphins and even jellyfish lending their names to different approaches to raising children.
While these parenting styles borrowed from the animal world often waver between over-protectiveness and authoritarianism, a new approach called panda parenting is gradually gaining ground.
The concept was popularised by Esther Wojcicki, an American journalist and mother of three daughters, including Anne Wojcicki, co-founder of 23andMe, a company specialising in DNA testing, and Susan Wojcicki, former CEO of YouTube.
In her 2019 book How to Raise Successful People she advocates an educational approach in which children learn to fend for themselves, rather than constantly relying on their parents.
She applied this principle from a very young age with her own daughters.
At the age of five, they would go to school on their own. Once they were able to count, they managed some of the household shopping with an allocated budget.
While this approach may evoke the legendary nonchalance of panda bears, Esther Wojcicki has a completely different vision.
'Panda mums aren't lazy. What they do is give children scaffolding to let them go free. Instead of always intervening, you only help when they need it,' she told the New Zealand Herald in 2019.
A question of balance
This parenting model is the opposite of the tiger parenting style, which is based on very strict supervision.
Of course, it's not all negative: tiger parents devote a great deal of time and energy to supporting their child in various areas of their life.
However, this excessive attention can tip over into a quest for optimisation and performance, thus risking holding the child back in the construction of their own identity.
Conversely, the panda parent establishes a caring and supportive environment but leaves their child the freedom to explore, make decisions, take responsibility, and learn from their mistakes.
To structure this approach, Esther Wojcicki relies on five pillars, brought together under the acronym TRICK: trust, respect, independence, collaboration and kindness.
The objective is to raise resilient and confident children, capable of facing the ups and downs of life without fear of failure.
But there is no question of falling into complacency. It is not about being so relaxed and detached that children are left with too much freedom in areas of life that they are not yet ready to handle, or that they end up putting themselves in danger.
Hence the importance of finding the right balance between supervision and independence. This means listening carefully to your child's emotions, combined with warmth, structure and a lot of patience.
Research also shows that the emotional availability of parents plays a key role in the neurological and emotional development of children.
It is therefore not a question of letting them run wild, but of giving them the means to grow up with confidence and serenity.
At a time when parenting trends are multiplying – with helicopter, bulldozer, snowplow parents and more – panda parenting appeals for its simplicity.
By trusting their children, parents help them to develop to their full potential and prepare for adulthood – a philosophy that could well reconcile high standards with a more gentle approach. – AFP Relaxnews