'My Mother-In-Law Huffed At Me For Breastfeeding. Was My Reaction Unfair?'

Yahoo

06-04-2025

You're reading Between Us, a place for parents to offload and share their tricky parenting dilemmas. and we'll seek advice from experts.
It's all too easy to say that grandparents shouldn't speak much about how their children raise their own kids.
But when we consider that 57% of UK parents rely on those same people for childcare, the picture gets fuzzier.
Redditor u/Lll-Hall-2953 took to the internet this week to say her mother-in-law doesn't like her breastfeeding in her presence – and she's extremely vocal about it.
So, we spoke to Jo Hayes, founder of Etiquette Expert, and Dorcy Porter, founder of the Conscious Co-Parenting Institute, about how to handle grandparents who take their parenting 'rules' too far.
Posting to r/AITAH (Am I The Asshole Here), the mother shared that she's just had a baby and is breastfeeding.
Recently, her mother-in-law visited on short notice while she was doing chores around the house.
She pottered around the garden, chatted with OP's husband for a bit, and watched the news.
The poster was sitting watching the news with her when her baby started to get fussy, so she decided to feed them.
'My MIL swung her head to me and gave me a look. She huffed and said 'Really? Around me? I'll just get naked too and have it all hanging out huh' and rolled her eyes at me,' the poster claimed.
She said this isn't the first time her husband's mother had made similar comments about breastfeeding, either.
So, because she was tired and frustrated, the poster said: 'I just pulled off my top and stood up right in front of her and told her, 'I'll feed my baby when I want in my house.'
'She just stared at me and I added 'If you don't like it you can leave.' I sat back down and she said 'I can't believe this girl,' and got up and left.'
Her husband thought the response was a bit extreme, and her mother-in-law is apparently furious.
'What on Earth is distasteful about breastfeeding in the home?' etiquette expert Hayes asked.
'If it's distasteful there, where could it possibly be considered 'tasteful'? It's unhelpful and uncharitable to make them feel bad for parenting in a way that you don't necessarily approve of.'
Porter added: 'When a grandparent criticises your parenting, it's rarely about the thing they're pointing at.
'It's about their unmet needs, unhealed wounds, or fear of losing relevance.'
When a grandparent oversteps their boundaries, Hayes advises parents to 'kindly, calmly but clearly communicate this to your parents or in-laws'.
Reaffirm that 'the parent of the child is the one who gets to make parenting decisions ― not the grandparents'.
'You don't owe anyone a parenting debate,' Porter said.
'A calm, clear 'This is what works for us' is more powerful than over-explaining or defending your choices.'
She concluded: 'You're allowed to break patterns that your parents never had the tools to heal. That's not betrayal. That's leadership.'
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