The House Where 28,000 Records Burned
Before it burned, Charlie Springer's house contained 18,000 vinyl LPs, 12,000 CDs, 10,000 45s, 4,000 cassettes, 600 78s, 150 8-tracks, hundreds of signed musical posters, and about 100 gold records. The albums alone occupied an entire wall of shelves in the family room, and another in the garage. On his desk were a set of drumsticks from Nirvana and an old RCA microphone that Prince had given to him at a recording session for Prince. A neon Beach Boys sign—as far as he knows, one of only eight remaining in the world—hung above the dining table. In his laundry room was a Gibson guitar signed by the Everly Brothers; near his fireplace, a white Stratocaster signed to him by Eric Clapton.
Last month, the night the Eaton Fire broke out, Charlie evacuated to his girlfriend's house. And when he came back, the remnants of his home had been bleached by the fire. The spot in the family room where the record collection had been was dark ash.
I've known Charlie for as long as I can remember. He and my father met because of records. In the late 1980s, Charlie was at a crowded party in the Hollywood Hills when he heard someone greet my father by his full name. Charlie whipped around: 'You're Fred Walecki? I've been seeing your name on records.' Dad owned a rock-and-roll-instrument shop, and musicians thanked him on their albums for the gear (and emotional support) he provided during recording sessions. Charlie was a national sales manager at Warner Bros. Records and could rattle off the B-side of any record, so of course he'd clocked Walecki appearing over and over again. Growing up, I thought every song I'd ever heard could also be found on Charlie's shelves; his friend Jim Wagner, who once ran sales, merchandising, and advertising for Warner Bros. Records, called it the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame West.
Charlie's collection started when he was 6. He had asked his mother to get him the record 'about the dog,' and she'd brought back Patti Page's '(How Much Is) That Doggie in the Window?' No, not that one—he wanted a 45 of Elvis's recently released single, 'Hound Dog.' He'd cart it around with him for the next seven decades, across several states, before placing it on his shelf in Altadena. At age 8, he mowed lawns and shoveled snow in his hometown outside Chicago to afford 'Sweet Little Sixteen,' by Chuck Berry, and 'Tequila,' by the Champs; when he was 9, he got Ray Charles's 'What'd I Say.' And when he was 10, he walked into his local record shop and found its owner, Lenny, sitting on the floor, frazzled, surrounded by piles of records. Every week, Lenny had to rearrange the records on his wall to reflect the order of the Top 40 chart made by the local radio station WLS. Charlie offered to help.
'What will it cost me?' Lenny asked.
'Two singles a week.' Charlie held on to all of those singles, and the paper surveys from WLS, too.
When he was 12, he bought his first full albums: Surfin' Safari, by the Beach Boys; Bob Dylan's eponymous debut; and Green Onions, by Booker T. and the M.G.s. He entered a Wisconsin seminary two years later, hoping to become a priest. There, he and his friends found a list of addresses for members of Milwaukee's Knights of Columbus chapter, and sent out letters asking for donations—a hi-fi stereo console, a jukebox—to the poor seminarians, who went without so much. Radios were contraband, but Charlie taped one underneath the chair next to his bed, and at night, while 75 other students slept around him, he would use an earbud to listen to WLS. 'And I would hear records, and I would go, Oh my God, I gotta get this record. I have to. ' Seminarians could go into town only if it was strictly necessary, so he'd break his glasses, and run between the optometrist and the five-and-dime. That's how he got a couple of other Beach Boys records, the Kinks' 'Tired of Waiting for You,' and the Lovin' Spoonful's 'Daydream.'
Charlie dropped out of seminary in 1967, at the end of his junior year. All of those five-and-dime records had been in his prefect's room, but when he left, the prefect was nowhere to be found. So, Charlie got a ladder, wriggled through a transom, and got his collection, stored in two crates which had previously contained oranges. ('Orange crates held albums perfectly,' he told me.) Then he hitchhiked to San Francisco and grew his hair out just in time for the Summer of Love. He moved into a commune of sorts, a 16-unit apartment building with the walls between apartments broken down, and got a job hanging posters for the Fillmore on telephone poles around the Bay Area. He'd staple up psychedelic artwork advertising Jefferson Airplane, Sons of Champlin, the Grateful Dead, or Sly and the Family Stone. (He still had about 75 of those posters.) He worked at Tower Records on the side but would hand his paycheck back to his boss: The money all went to records. Anytime one of his favorites—Morrison, Mitchell, Dylan, the Beach Boys—released a new album, he'd host a listening party for friends. When he moved back to Chicago, his music collection took up most of the car. The record store he managed there, Hear Here, would receive about 20 new albums every day to play over the loudspeakers. When Charlie heard Bruce Springsteen's first album (two before Born to Run), he thought it was such a hit, he locked the shop door. 'Until I sell five of these records,' he announced, 'nobody is getting out of this store.'
Next, Charlie worked his way up at a music-distribution company, starting from a gig in the warehouse (picker No. 9). Later, at Warner Bros. Records, he'd work with stores and radio stations to help artists sell enough music to get, and then sustain, their big break. To sell Takin' It to the Streets, he drove with the Doobie Brothers so they could sign albums at a Kansas City record shop; to help Dire Straits get their start, he lobbied radio stations to play their first single for about a year until it caught on. He was also on the shortlist of people who would listen to test pressings of a new album for any pops or crackles, before the company shipped the final version. Charlie held on to about 1,000 of those rare pressings, including Fleetwood Mac's Rumours and Prince's Purple Rain.
He moved to Los Angeles in the '80s to be Warner's national sales manager, and in 1991, he bought his home on Skylane Drive, in Altadena. Nestled in the foothills, the area smelled of the hay for his neighbors' horses. Along the fence was bougainvillea, and in his yard, a magnificent native oak that our families would sit beneath together. He started placing thousands of his albums on those shelves in the family room, overlooking that tree.
In Charlie's house, a record was always playing. He had recently papered the walls and ceiling of his bathroom with the WLS surveys he started collecting as a child, in his first record-store job. Every record he pulled off the shelf came with a memory, he told me. And if he kept an album or a memento in his house, 'it was a good story.'
A gold record from U2, on the wall next to the staircase: 'All bands, when they first start off, they're new bands, and nobody knows who they are, okay? … I went up with U2, on their first album, from Chicago to Madison, and they played a gig for about 15 people, and then we went to eat at an Italian restaurant. I went back to the restaurant a couple years later, and the same waitress waited on me, and I said, 'Wow, I remember I was in here with U2.' And she goes, 'Those guys were U2?' I was like, 'They were U2 then and they're U2 now.''
In the kitchen, a poster of Jimi Hendrix striking a power chord at the Monterey Pop Festival: 'Seal puts his first record out, and I have just become a vice president at Warner Bros. And I go to my very first VP lunch, and I announce, 'Hey, this new Seal record is going to go gold.' The senior VP of finance says, 'You shouldn't say that. Why would you make that kind of expectation?' And I'm like, 'Because I know with every corpuscle in my body it's gonna go gold' … So we make a $1 gentlemen's bet. About six weeks later, it's gold.' At the next lunch, he asked the finance executive to sign his dollar bill. Just then, Mo Ostin, the head of the label, walked in and heard about their wager. 'Mo said, 'So Charlie, is there something around the building that you always liked?' I was like, 'Well, that Jim Marshall poster of Hendrix.' And he goes, 'It's yours.''
*Illustration sources: RCA / Michael Ochs Archive / Getty; Stoughton Printing / Jay L. Clendenin / Los Angeles Times / Getty; Warner Brothers / Alamy; Sun Records / Alamy
Article originally published at The Atlantic
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Buzz Feed
16 hours ago
- Buzz Feed
27 Chewy Items To Make You A Dog Ownership Genius
A Toy Story aliens rope toy so your dog can feel like "The Claw" from the movie. And look how freaking CUTE these little guys are! Promising review: "Our pug loves this toy!! He brings it over every evening to play tug. He lost interest in his regular rope toys fairly quickly, but still loves this one after six months." —LauraPrice: $10.99 A refillable dog treat dispenser toy you can fill with homemade snacks or premade Pupsicle Pops because this will keep your doggo occupied while you sit through your Zoom meetings. Promising review: "Our Lab mix has always suffered from anxiety, fear, aggression with strangers, and breaks in routine. We ordered this product after seeing several ads on our social media. He LOVES it, and so do we! Super easy to clean and refill, long-lasting, and the treat refills don't smell bad like other dog treats! Our sweet boy recently began to lose mobility in his rear end and gets super upset when he is unable to get around independently; this gives him the comfort he needs to just relax and lie down while enjoying a treat!" —Elizabeth Price: $19.99+ (available in three sizes) A jar of Zesty Paws Aller-Immune Bites for dogs, which are packed with wild-caught Alaskan salmon and probiotics to help keep your pup's immune system in tip-top shape in between vet visits. Promising review: "My dog Charlie scratches and chews all over himself almost constantly. Since putting him on this chew daily, his symptoms have greatly reduced. He has only been using the product for a week, and every day shows improvement. I'm hoping in a few days, he'll be symptom-free. Furthermore, he thinks he's getting a daily treat and is so excited when I offer him his daily dose. I highly recommend Aller-Immune Bites!" —CharliePrice: $4.97+ (available in three flavors and six quantities) An engaging jumbler ball if your pup has seemingly endless energy (but you don't). This will surely tire him out and give you a second to just ~chill out.~ Promising review: "Toy is an entertaining, nice squeaker. Our German shepherd plays with this for hours. The toy is challenging to pick up and carry. All of which helps our high energy German shepherd burn off energy." —TracyPrice: $14.99+ (available in two sizes) An orthopedic dog bed with a removable, machine-washable cover and a wraparound bolster that your doggy will absolutely love snuggling up in. Promising review: "I bought the XL bed for my 55-pound husky mix. My dog prefers the bolster-style bed for prime cuddling sessions. The quality is top-notch. The center is extremely soft, and the structure of the bed is rigid enough to support my pup all day without feeling like plastic. Overall, this bed exceeded all my needs. He now has a bed in every room, and this one is by far his favorite." —DoYouHaveChangeForADollarPrice: $63.99+ (available in three sizes and two colors) A sliding sushi-themed puzzle for the dog who is super restless and gets bored easily. This will keep them occupied long enough for you to maybe even get some work done of your own! Promising review: "Our dog quickly figured out how to get treats out of this puzzle toy, but it is so handy because he loves it, and it calms him and occupies him whenever we leave. Love this!" —LinmarpiePrice: $16.95 A nonskid slow-feeder bowl because your puppy may be known to scarf down the food a little too fast and accidentally make themselves sick. Promising review: "Our Zoey was a fast eater. By fast, I mean her food was gone in less than a minute. As she aged, we noticed her vomiting and belching more, in part because she was eating so fast. Once we purchased this bowl, it forced her to slow down. It was perfect for our needs. She is enjoying her food, has stopped belching after eating, and we have not had any vomiting issues." —RobynPrice: $5.52+ (originally $9.99+, available in two sizes) A package of Greenies Pill Pocket treats so giving your dog their meds doesn't have to be a traumatic experience for either of you. I give these to my Chiweenie, and she loves them! A lot of reviewers compliment these pill pockets for picky dogs and cats that haven't responded as well to other brands. Promising review: "Two of my dogs require medication on a daily basis. There is no way I can manually try to force these meds. I tried another reputable brand of pill pockets, and they worked for a couple of days until my dogs realized that there were pills in them, so I decided to try Greenies Pill Pockets. First of all, the consistency of the pocket was easy to form over the pill. Then came the test of flavor. My dogs love breakfast and dinnertime now that they get the Greenie treat. They don't even blink. I love these!" —CiscoPrice: $8.96+ (available in four flavors, four quantities, and two capsule sizes) A hip health and joint-function supplement fortified with glucosamine, chondroitin, and MSM if your doggy has arthritis and needs a little pain relief. Promising review: "My almost 6-year-old longhaired dachshund has had mild arthritis since she was a baby. I noticed she was having difficulty ambulating. She could no longer go upstairs with me, nor could she step up/off small curbs while walking. I knew this product worked in humans and thought I would try it with my pup. Wow! In one week, she's climbing stairs, jumping on/off curbs, and able to walk further. I give her two soft chews, and they work beautifully. Very affordable at Chewy. I will continue to keep my baby on this product." —MinniePrice: $17.83+ (originally $23.90, available in two styles and four quantities) A practically indestructible Kong chew toy you can fill with your dog's favorite treat so they can get all their energy out and enjoy a lil' snack at the same time. Promising review: "Being on the market like forever just might be the proof dog owners need to actually buy this toy. It comes in all dog sizes and has a lot of potential. For my rescue dog, it doesn't need to be stuffed with treats or peanut butter (too fattening). She loves it for the erratic bouncing action. A regular ball bores the heck out of her. Plus, she's exercising more muscle groups, trying to grab a hold of it. And the Kong is about as indestructible as they come. Buy it once and wait 'til the end of days before it wears out." —StephenPrice: $7.99+ (originally $8.99, available in six sizes) A level-two difficulty Hide N Slide puzzle perfect for the pup who has little to no experience with puzzles. This is a great way to introduce your dog to the world of puzzling! Promising review: "Love this! You put either kibble or bits of treats in the holes and slide over the cover. It gives my dog a challenge to find and eat the treat, and it takes her a bit of time to get all the holes emptied, yet it is very doable for them to figure it out. They move the slider cover with their nose, and I like the stimulation it gives them." —Nora Price: $17.94 (originally $24.99, available in two colors) A fleece pet carrier bag with mesh panels and a spring wire frame that's approved by most airlines so your companion can travel in comfort. I have one of these for my dog, and she loves cuddling in it even when we're not traveling! It also works great for transporting other small pets, like hedgehogs, chinchillas, and bearded dragons!Promising review: "Such an improvement over the large plastic carriers I used to use. Both my cats love these bags and will hang out in them and nap in them if I leave them out after a trip. I think they're just the right size for them to feel cozy and safe. The two entry points are really handy, too. I love that they fold flat for storage, too, since my apartment is pretty small. Would highly recommend!" —KatePrice: $47.99+ (originally $143.99+, available in two sizes) A flavored tooth-cleaning chew toy if your dog has stinky breath and you want to trick them into taking care of their own teeth, so you don't have to brush them yourself. Promising review: "My dog has been chewing on the Hartz dog bones that are bacon flavored for the last five years and has perfect teeth. Stopped her from chewing on my shoes when she was younger, too. Still keeps her busy at 7 years old. :) " —Glucas1211Price: $3.47+ (available in four sizes and assorted colors chosen by Chewy) A set of carpeted pet stairs because some of the shorter doggies may have trouble getting up and down off the couch or bed. Promising review: "I bought this step for one of our cats who can no longer jump up on the bed due to age, and it works like a charm. He took to it right away and is one happy kitty! These steps are well constructed and sturdy." —ShaundaPrice: $59.99 (available in two colors) A silicone food bowl mat for the furry friend who makes a huge mess anytime they eat, and you want to make cleanup a little easier. Promising review: "Both of my cats like to pick up their wet food nuggets and drop them several inches away from the bowl before picking them back up and eating them. I tried wider bowls to relieve whisker tension, but they still dragged the moist morsels away like it was freshly snagged prey. This mat is large enough that they can't drag it too far away and get my floors messy. Perfect solution. I don't put it in the dishwasher, but clean up is still super easy with a soapy paper towel, then quick rinse." —DaniPrice: $13.99+ (available in two sizes and two colors) A container of calming chicken-flavored hemp treats that are perfect for the doggy who gets panicked when traveling or during thunderstorms. Promising review: "My Great Dane calms down and remains calm to the point of falling asleep. One piece does the trick with her, but two really knock her out. She is just over 100 pounds. You get a lot of treats in one container, so don't balk at the price. Yes, sometimes thunder or the garbage truck makes her bark or wake, but she rarely even gets off the couch if she has had one or two of these. Worth every penny in my book." —MJBoyer8118Price: $32.99+ (available in three sizes and two flavors) A Zesty Paws Itch-Soother dog shampoo packed with aloe vera, oatmeal, and vitamin E to help your pooch with dry, flaky skin. Promising review: "We used to use a popular name brand for our dog's shampoo. She never had any skin issues until last winter, when she got super flaky. We switched her to this shampoo and started giving her skin vitamins. This shampoo really helps moisturize her skin without leaving a weird odor, and a little goes a long way during bath time. It was definitely a great purchase!" —mm13Price: $15.47 (also available in a two-pack) A volcano and dinosaur hide-and-seek toy your pup will have so much fun taking apart. Plus, it's also a squeaky toy, so they will have the added bonus of auditory stimulation. Promising review: "My dog loves these toys, and he was thrilled. He just kept pulling out dinosaur after dinosaur! Six of them, and all of them decently sized. This really is a great value, and the toys are very well made and adorable." —TaylorPrice: $14.99 A West Paw chew toy made of a special nontoxic Zogoflex material — that is BPA-, phthalate-, and latex-free — your dog will love chewing on, and that won't damage their teeth like some plastic chew toys might. Promising review: "I have five dogs. One is a pit mix who destroys all chew toys in the house and has broken teeth on toys that were too hard (more money spent at the vet). My others don't get their chewing needs met because other toys are either destroyed so quickly or removed to protect my busy pit, but THESE toys last months. They are not so hard to hurt my strong chewer's teeth, and all my dogs love them! My pups stay occupied for hours on end with these. I ordered five large and my home became the happiest home on the planet. Definitely worth the money. Also, both Chewy and West Paw have such EXCELLENT customer service that you can't go wrong. Thank you, Chewy!" —SharlsPrice: $12.95+ (available in three sizes) A Furminator pet hair deshedding brush to help your doggo get rid of excess hair that may be overheating them in the summertime weather. Plus, you'll be able to see your couch again since it won't be covered in hair anymore! Promising review: "I am so amazed with this brush! I have tried several brushes and the bristles always end up breaking and they never get deep down to the undercoat. However, this brush is sturdy and no broken pieces after several uses! I love that there is a fur release button to get the stubborn hairs out of the brush. My dog gets so excited when it's time to get brushed and he was like a brand-new dog after using this for the first time!" —NicolePrice: $31.85+ (originally $37.49+; available in three sizes and colors) An elevated bed so your puppy can have the perfect spot to lounge outside beside you while you're enjoying your favorite book in the sunshine. Promising review: "My dog loves her new bed and so do I. She sleeps in it all day long. It keeps her cooler than any of the other beds she has had. She sleeps on it with her blankets, no problem. No more laying on the hard floor to keep herself cool. With this bed, she stays cool and comfortable." —4dogsPrice: $16.99+ (available in three sizes and four colors) A natural paw balm because you want to protect those precious toe beans from hot summer asphalt and harsh salt in the winter. Promising review: "We live in a condominium complex that hires snow plowers to do our parking lots and sidewalks. Unfortunately, they salted everything heavily once the initial plowing was finished. Every dog we've had in the 28 years we've lived here starts out their walks so frisky and happy, and five minutes into it, they're lifting paws and stopping due to the salt, which super-cools the ice, and consequently their poor little paws. One of my friends found this product and used it every winter with her dog, and always said how effective it was. So I thought I would buy a tin and try it. Yup! It's like magic! I work a small amount on each pad and in between her toes, and we're good to go! It's a reasonably priced product, and I highly recommend trying it!" —MaryPrice: $15.99+ (originally $16.99+, available in three sizes) A package of presoaked tear stain wipes to gently clean away your pup's eye goop. These are especially great for dogs with white fur, where you can clearly see the stains. Promising review: "I'm very impressed with these pads. A dog who was staying with me for a few weeks arrived with very matted, crusty eyes. I ordered and received the eye pads, used them 2x daily, and they cleared up! She loved it!" —AngelPrice: $11 (originally $12.99) An adorable raincoat if it feels like pulling teeth to get your pup to go outside when it's raining. Plus, now you won't have to towel dry them after a walk in a storm. Promising review: "So cute, and great functionally! Kept my dog dry during our last walk through heavy rain. The hood is a bit bigger than my dog needs; it falls into her eyes sometimes, but it's an easily solved problem and works wonderfully otherwise!" —JackyPrice: $12.99+ (available in seven sizes, two colors, and with or without a personalization option) An LED light-up collar so your pup can remain visible while it's dark out for extra safety. And who doesn't love a puppy rave moment?? Promising review: "These things are so bright, they're amazing. Our dogs run loose, supervised, around our property, and you can see the dogs from hundreds of feet away. Three dogs, three different colors, it's so easy to keep track of them and know when to call them back if they get too far. We only use them when we are walking our property with the dogs, but we go out quite a few times before I recharge them." —JustinPrice: $18.99+ (originally $24.99, available in four sizes and seven colors) A variety pack of dental chews in fun shapes so your doggy can enjoy a yummy chewy experience while also getting their teeth sneakily cleaned. Promising review: "My bulldog didn't want me brushing her teeth. The vet said to try these. Now I say 'whimsey,' and my dog runs to get one! She gets one a day and loves them! And she has great teeth! I am SO happy to have found these!!!!" —ChelseaPrice: $34.77+ (originally $38.99+, available in two sizes) And finally, a big package of freeze-dried beef liver treats your pup will absolutely go gah-gah over. My dog's vet has these, and it makes her actually enjoy going to the vet. Promising review: "At first, Willow wasn't quite sure about these freeze-dried beef liver treats. The texture gave her a moment of 'paws' (pun intended). But once she took that first crunchy bite, it was game over — she's absolutely hooked! Now, these treats are her go-to favorite. She'll sit, stay, and maybe even do a backflip if it means getting one. The 14-ounce tub is the perfect size to keep her tail wagging without running out too soon. If your pup needs a high-value treat to bring out their inner superstar, these are a must-try! Willow gives them two paws up!" —KathyPrice: $4.99+ (originally $5.99+; available in five sizes and in a pack of two)


Cosmopolitan
2 days ago
- Cosmopolitan
What Is Decentering Men?
I have no idea when or where I first encountered the phrase 'decentering men.' All I know is that by the time it weaved its way into my vocabulary a few years ago, I seemed to understand it instinctively. This concept, wherever it came from, put words to something I'd been experiencing in my own life both consciously and subconsciously as my relationship to men—what I wanted from them, how I saw them, and how I saw myself in terms of them—began to shift in the latter half of my 20s. According to writer Sherese (Charlie) Taylor, who coined the phrase in her 2019 book, Decentering Men, that's the point. 'This phrase resonates because it gives language to a quiet, growing rage,' she tells Cosmo. 'It speaks to the exhaustion of organizing your life around men's potential, opinions, or comfort. It speaks to the clarity that comes when you finally stop contorting yourself, when you finally say, 'I will not sacrifice myself for a system that was built to consume me.'' In recent years, 'decentering men' has fully entered the zeitgeist, reaching buzzword status on TikTok and even popping up in conversations with stars like Hannah Berner and Paige Desorbo, who've discussed the concept on their Giggly Squad podcast as well as in a recent interview with CBS. 'Decentering men means when you wake up in the morning, do not base all your decisions around a man,' Berner told co-host Gayle King. But as with anything that gains traction online, the internet virality decentering men is currently enjoying leaves it vulnerable to potential misuse and misconceptions. So if you, like me, woke up one day to find this phrase had suddenly taken up residence in your brain without knowing exactly where it came from or what it means, here's an expert-backed guide to the trend that is actually not, in fact, as Taylor puts it, 'a cute trend,' but rather 'a political response, a rejection of the lie that our power comes from proximity to men.' Below, everything aspiring male decentrists should know about decentering men, from what it is to why it's popping off right now and what it really means to decenter men from your life—including your love life. 'To decenter men is to actively interrogate and undo the ways patriarchy has taught us to center them in our thoughts, decisions, and self-worth,' explains Taylor. 'Patriarchy embeds itself deep in our psyche. It teaches us that men are the prize, the rescuer, the final destination.' To decenter men is to acknowledge and unlearn these internalized beliefs and the systems they uphold and to reorient our lives around new ones. Gender equality writer and influencer Sommer Tothill adds that to understand what it means to decenter men, it may first be helpful to think about what it means to center them—which is something so ingrained in society that it can be difficult to identify. 'Essentially, women center men when we orient our life plans around securing a romantic relationship with a man,' Tothill explains, adding that women are also culturally pressured into maintaining these relationships even if they are not healthy, rewarding, or safe. But decentering men, and the ways in which life under patriarchy first teaches us to center them, is about more than the 'happily ever after' model of romantic relationships as the end-all, be-all that Disney movies of yore are (somewhat reductively albeit not unfairly) accused of spoon-feeding generations of young girls. The pressure women feel from a young age to get a boyfriend, a ring, a wedding, to orient our lives around the crowning achievement of locking it down with a man in the eyes of the law and all of our Instagram followers, is one of the most obvious manifestations of centering men at work. But the roots go much deeper. 'Women's entire lives are defined by patriarchal systems engineered to exploit our time and labour; it's so built into the fabric of society that we can even fail to notice it,' says Tothill. 'Decentering men is a conscious pushback against this exploitation.' Because that exploitation is so accepted as a default societal setting, its force often goes unnoticed—even and especially by the women it drains. 'I coined the term 'decentering men' when I realized I was exhausted from living with a man-shaped shadow in every decision,' says Taylor. 'It felt like I was living at 85 percent, waiting for someone to permit me to hit 100. That's what patriarchy does. It teaches women to hold back until we are chosen. Decentering men is a practice of naming that, confronting it, and choosing to live as sovereign women on our own terms.' Decentering men has quickly gained popularity since Taylor coined the term in 2019, becoming even more widespread in the last few years. Sex researcher Melissa A. Fabello, PhD, attributes this recent boom to the rise of TikTok and the breakneck speed with which trends gain traction on the platform, as well as the simultaneous increase in awareness of South Korea's 4B movement in the US, which encourages women to abstain entirely from dating, marrying, sex, and having children with men. Of course, both 4B and decentering men owe their recent rise in American consciousness to a current political climate that has reinforced and reinvigorated a regressive culture of misogyny. 'It's cruelly obvious in recent years that the patriarchal structures that define our society, as well as individual men, have little interest in actively advancing women's liberation,' says Tothill. 'After a string of high-profile political disappointments for women—the repeal of reproductive rights in the US, for example—women are realizing they will not be protected by men or male systems of power. So we are asking ourselves: do men even deserve our attention?' Meanwhile, for all the political regression in the air at the moment, our current era remains the first time in modern history that women have had the social and economic opportunity to choose singlehood, notes feminist dating coach Lily Womble, founder of Date Brazen and author of Thank You, More Please. Although, of course, it's worth noting that for many women, staying single remains financially risky if not impossible. Still, as women increasingly gain access to modern freedoms like financial independence and the ability to shape our lives on our terms, 'it's critical that we weigh those freedoms against the risks our relationships with men can pose to them,' says Tothill. The more freedom we get from men, the more we realize how much we have to lose to them. If decentering men is having a moment, it's because 'women are paying attention,' says Taylor. 'We are watching Roe v. Wade be reversed. We are watching incel culture go mainstream. We are watching our rights be stripped away, our safety threatened, our labor exploited, and our autonomy questioned. We are watching the rise of fascism cloaked in tradwife aesthetics, where women's value is reduced to submission and domesticity. And we are done pretending that this is normal. That is why it's resonating. Because women are waking up, and we are tired.' So if centering men begins with the societal pressure women face to build their lives around securing a romantic relationship with one, does decentering them have to mean going boy sober? Short answer, no, not necessarily. While, as Febos noted, decentering men is related to the 4B movement, it does not demand the same commitment to swearing off men entirely. In fact, Womble says the idea that decentering men means you can't or shouldn't date them is one of the biggest misconceptions surrounding it. 'The problem that the decentering men movement is aptly responding to is the patriarchal culture that tells women to shrink what they want and settle for emotionally lackluster relationships,' says Womble. 'Considering this patriarchal conditioning, of course women are taught that to date men is to inherently settle for and center them.' According to Womble, decentering men in your dating life is not about removing them from it entirely, but rather recentering yourself and your desires. And if those desires happen to include a relationship with a man, women are well within their rights to pursue that without compromising their values. 'The problem is when you make men (specifically those who were wrong for you) the focus—whether that's going on mediocre dates, staying in 'just okay' or even toxic relationships, or stopping your dating life altogether, even when you want partnership,' says Womble. 'I see women often turn their exes into 'evidence' that the relationship they want doesn't exist. That's another way of centering men instead of their own desires.' For some women, of course, decentering men may indeed involve forgoing romantic or sexual relationships with them. Because at its core, decentering men is about interrogating the societal conditioning that encourages women to prioritize romantic commitment to men and the heteropatriarchal structures with which it intersects. For some women, this may include 'asking themselves where they learned to chase concepts like marriage and nuclear family and whether or not that desire is authentic,' says Febos. 'It could look like valuing and enjoying being single, putting friends back at the center of one's life.' Either way, 'this isn't about rejecting love,' says Taylor. 'It's about rejecting the patriarchal conditioning that tells us we must suffer for it, earn it, or mold ourselves to be worthy of it.'

Yahoo
5 days ago
- Yahoo
The Beach Boys, with one founding member, set to perform at Alaska State Fair
Jun. 5—The Beach Boys will perform at the 2025 Alaska State Fair, officials announced Thursday. The band, led by founding member Mike Love, is scheduled to perform at 7 p.m. on Monday, Aug. 25. Tickets will go on sale at 10 a.m. Friday. The Beach Boys formed in California in 1961 with a lineup that included Brian, Dennis and Carl Wilson, Love — their cousin — and Al Jardine. The current lineup includes lead singer Love and 1965 addition Bruce Johnson. Known for their California surf rock sound and glossy vocal harmonies, the band has sold more than 100 million records worldwide. The group was inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in 1988 and received a lifetime achievement Grammy Award in 2001. The band is performing around the country on its "Sounds of Summer" tour. The Beach Boys join already announced acts Dwight Yoakam (Aug. 31), Wiz Khalifa (Aug. 24), Medium Build (Aug. 15), Rainbow Kitten Surprise (Aug. 16), "Weird Al" Yankovic (Aug. 17), Chris Tomlin (Aug. 18), Billy Currington (Aug. 23) and Foreigner (Aug. 30) on the 2025 fair lineup.