The dangers of ‘parallel living' and how it's slowly killing your relationship

Scottish Sun

7 hours ago

Plus tips on how you can stop this habit and turn things around
DRIFTING APART The dangers of 'parallel living' and how it's slowly killing your relationship
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WHEN couples first get together, it's natural for them to be giddy and excited all the time as they fall in love.
However, it's common for this initial excitement to dim over time, especially for those who have been together for many years.
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Parallel living is when a couple sits together but barely interacts
Credit: Alamy
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It can be as simple as doing different things in the same room
Credit: Alamy
And as life gets in the way, it can sometimes result in couples quickly falling into damaging patterns without even noticing it's happening.
And there's one specific pattern that could actually be wrecking your marriage or relationship - parallel living.
This habit happens when couples sit next to each other but barely interact, and over time, this kills the passion and the emotional bond between the two people.
Relationship experts have found that huge numbers of people are falling into this trap at the weekends.
And Steffo Shambo, Founder of Tantric Academy, has warned that it is slowly killing relationships.
This silent killer takes hold when two people spend hours in the same room, but are glued to their phones the whole time.
Couples think sharing a sofa means quality time, but most relationships drift further apart during weekends
Steffo Shambo
They could also be watching different TV shows or doing solo jobs with hardly any real connection between them.
Steffo said: "Couples think sharing a sofa means quality time, but most relationships drift further apart during weekends.
"Sitting beside each other while mentally miles away has become totally normal but it's becoming increasingly harmful as it discourages any effort and in some cases, motivation from both parties to connect further."
Phones and tablets cause most of the damage, according to the expert.
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The tantra coach added: "Look at a typical Saturday morning and you'll see two people in bed scrolling through social media.
"The couples think they're together but they might as well be in different houses."
The relationship specialist branded these periods as "parallel living", where partners occupy the same physical space without sharing anything meaningful.
They continued: "Your brain starts to link your partner with feeling alone not feeling connected.
"This process happens so slowly you never notice until one day you realise the desire and closeness have vanished.
"Scrolling on your phone can become so addictive and devoid of any effort on the individual's part, but produces an instant high and feelings of gratification.
"But eventually, the attention and time spent 'doom scrolling' replaces meaningful contact.
"It's absolutely essential that couples recognise when this is happening and put practices in place to prevent this breakdown."
But if you've noticed you and your partner falling into this pattern, don't panic just yet.
Steffo has revealed just how you can stop this habit and turn things around.
SAVING THE LONG-TERM PASSION
RESEARCHERS have also discovered that people find tasks feel more meaningful when they are done with their partner.
For example, many people reported they felt that activities done with a spouse felt one and a half times more meaningful than solo activities.
And people experienced 21 per cent less stress when their partner was actively involved.
Many marriage counsellors report that couples wrongly believe simply being in the same house counts as quality time.
Satisfaction plummets when people share physical space but focus on separate activities.
Covid lockdowns made this problem worse for many relationships, with partners spending more time together physically while feeling less connected emotionally than ever before.
Top relationship experts now say true quality time needs three crucial elements that most weekend routines completely lack: giving full attention, sharing activities, and including physical touch.
Since weekends offer the biggest chunk of potential bonding time for most couples, transforming these hours from parallel existence to genuine connection could save their long-term passion.
And the fix doesn't require expensive date nights or grand gestures.
They said: "Try just 20 minutes every weekend morning with no phones and no distractions - face each other, talk properly or just enjoy comfortable silence.
"This simple habit trains your brain to associate your partner with real connection instead of loneliness."
According to the experts, weekend routines need a complete overhaul with activities that demand both partners' attention.
For example, things like cooking together, taking phone-free walks, or doing chores together.
Steffo said: "The magic formula for keeping passion alive combines new shared experiences with focused attention.
"When couples stick with these practices, they notice major improvements in both emotional closeness and physical desire after just three weekends."