India Has Had Arranged Matches For Ages, The West Is Only Waking Up To The Reality Of Filtered Love

NDTV

6 hours ago

"He checked a lot of our boxes. And, you checked a lot of his." This is Dakota Johnson's common refrain throughout Materialists, a New York story about love, money, and dating. Her character Lucy, a New York-based professional matchmaker who gets caught up between two men of diametrically opposite financial backings - John (Chris Evans) and Harry (Pedro Pascal) - often says this one-liner to her clients as she tries to find a perfect match for them.
Little do they know, or perhaps, little did any of us know that dating in this day and age is all about filters, algorithms, and curated bios. In a world dominated by swipes and scrolls, dating apps are increasingly mimicking the institution of Indian marriages which have orchestrated matches based on "checkboxes", including caste, education qualifications, financial compatibility, horoscopes, and community ties.
Marriages have been arranged in India since time immemorial, and what's fascinating is that the West seems to just have woken up to the concept of filtered love, at least if we believe what the movie Materialists depicts.
Online Dating And Filtering Through Love
Dating apps have changed the landscape of relationships, but they come up with new updates to help you find the person that matches your preferences. In an effort to do that, Tinder has recently introduced the "height filter" and it's not the only one.
In 2019, Bumble introduced the astrology and politics filters that allowed people to filter matches based on their zodiac signs and political affiliation, respectively.
Filters are not new to dating apps though. With a wide range to choose from, individuals have the option to find a partner based on their religion, views, lifestyle choices, zodiac signs, and even pet preferences.
"I think adding filters is good. In a way, you are putting filters in your mind when you look for a partner I might as well look for it on an app. I think it is a better way to find a partner that way," a 24-year-old user tells NDTV on the condition of anonymity.
"We are physical beings, and we get attracted to some features. For example, I like a guy who is around my age and has the same emotional maturity and views as me. While I will not find every filter to my liking, it will definitely help," shares a 37-year-old user of dating apps.
According to Matchmaker and Relationship Coach Radhika Mohta, the goal of these dating apps is to keep users engaged and help them feel like they're optimising their search while keeping them scrolling.
Are Dating Apps Becoming Arranged Marriages 2.0?
Interestingly, this criteria-based approach to finding the right partner is not new to Indian society. For decades, arranged marriages in India have relied on similar filters - religion, caste, income, family, and educational background. Even matrimonial advertisements, be it in newspapers or on websites, have functioned as extensions of these traditions.
A Delhite, who is in her mid-30s, says, "The only thing that has changed is the person doing the filtering. Earlier, it was your family. Now it's you - guided by tech."
Mohta further highlights how this filtering may help, while also explaining how it is making people confuse compatibility with customisability. "We live with a lot of predictive technology that enables us to give an input and expect an output, which will be standardised. This is also the reason why when it comes to our personal lives, the idea of having a smooth experience and getting what we want makes more sense."
The Only Thing Missing: Serendipity
As filters multiply and apps promise ever-sharper matches, we are inching closer to an era where dating mimics the mechanics of arranged marriages - only this time, the matchmakers are algorithms and we have to choose the one we like.
As the Relationship Coach rightly explains that if you are filtering your world down to the same type of people, you are shrinking your perspective, not broadening your horizons.
While these filters are marketed as tools to "find your match faster," the Matchmaker highlights that it is taking away serendipity - the concept that reminds us that the most meaningful connections can emerge in unexpected moments, beyond the data points.
Dating apps have simply digitised what communities and families once did manually - matching people based on checkboxes. This shift reflects how people are now approaching love through a blend of personal choice and inherited social structures.
So, the question remains - are we inching towards redefining relationships or simply reducing love to a list of checkboxes that is nothing new to the Indian society?