‘We met through Telegraph Dating and bonded over our Brexit views'

Yahoo

7 hours ago

James and Jill Howard's first date wasn't going too well. They had each driven 120 miles from their respective homes in Devon and Hertfordshire, the pub they had arranged to meet in wasn't wonderful, and James, dare Jill say it, was slightly shorter than she'd expected. The prospect of a wasted trip loomed. That was, ironically, until Brexit came up. At which point the pair clicked.
'I think our points of view were very similar, and that was the icebreaker,' recalls Jill, 72. 'We just started talking about lots of things after that.'
Today the couple still have their separate homes; James's in Torquay and Jill's is in Beaconsfield, but they split their time between them together.
They have found in later life a love and companionship that neither thought possible. It has given them a whole new perspective on life and ageing.
In 2012 Jill was widowed after 37 years of marriage and one daughter.
'It really was an excellent marriage. We really were still very much in love. And you know, I suppose I would say I grew up with him. And so it took me a long time to come to terms with that,' says Jill.
But then a chance conversation at a work dinner with a colleague, an actuary in his 50s who had terminal cancer but was also online dating, made her feel differently about the prospect of meeting someone new.
'I thought people like me didn't use dating sites, but he told me I should try it. My perception was that online dating was for 20-year-olds, not qualified, professional mature adults.'
The website was Telegraph Dating. 'Because I was a Daily Telegraph reader, I thought, well, at least the probability is that I am more likely to meet somebody who's like-minded.'
It was after a couple of years of casually dating – nothing serious or engaging of the heart – that she came across James, now 82, on the website in 2019.
Jill had set her radius to 50 miles, but a change in the format meant that James snuck through, his profile making an impression with a Yeats poem and amiable photographs.
However their nascent connection stumbled when after exchanging some promising messages, she left a reply unsent by accident.
'I was disappointed, because I thought we were getting on quite well but he hadn't come back to me,' recalls Jill. 'And then I realised that my message was still in my outbox.'
James meanwhile had come to the conclusion that Jill wasn't terribly interested, which was why she hadn't responded.
With the connection revived two weeks later, the pair arranged to meet. Jill drove around the M25 from Radlett, where she then lived, and then down the M4 to Castle Combe. James travelled up from Torquay, having approximated what would be halfway for the pair of them.
'But twice the stress for me,' laughs Jill.
For the first awkward 20 minutes she admits to thinking: 'I've come all this way!'
But then the pair found themselves agreeing about the idea of sovereignty and discovered they were pro-Brexit for the same reasons.
On parting James said he would like to see Jill again. 'Which was much more spontaneous than any other man had been,' she says. But on the long drive home, she wondered, could the distance work?
But then world circumstances overtook them. Jill was in Arizona on holiday with her daughter and grandson when Covid hit. Hers was the last flight out of Phoenix before lockdown came.
Back in England, Jill's daughter fully expected her to join her family bubble, only for James to extend an invitation for her to stay with him.
'I love my daughter, but you know, even I know a mother after three days is something that can cause friction,' says Jill.
And so she made the brave, or what could have proven foolhardy, decision to join James.
'It enabled us to get to know each other a lot better, in a way that would have been much more difficult with much more pressure, had we been commuting backwards and forwards,' says James, who was previously married, but divorced in 2003.
Like Jill, he had met various people in the time afterwards, but no one he felt he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. What was different about Jill?
'Just the fact that we are both very much on the same wavelength. We find that we can communicate very easily. We both had business backgrounds.'
Jill is a qualified accountant who has held senior positions in financial services, while James is a retired business owner.
The pair found themselves enjoying each other's company so much that when Jill went home to Radlett when the lockdown eased, James came with her.
Still, from Jill's perspective getting married again wasn't something she was at all fussed about. 'That's all James's fault,' she jokes today.
It was on a trip to the Cotswolds in 2021 that he popped the question. Or rather, he said: 'Shall we make it formal?' A somewhat ambiguous proposal that Jill still teases him over.
When she had worked out what he was actually proposing, what was her reaction?
'Well, by that stage, I thought, why not? I mean, yes, we could just continue living together. But there is something more permanent about marriage, isn't there? It's a deep commitment and having been married for so long before, to me it was like you were cementing the relationship. I did warn James that it would be quite literally till death do us part, because there would be no getting away.'
The couple married in September 2022, in the City of London, surrounded by their family and friends. 'It was just such a joyous occasion,' recalls Jill. 'Nobody had been partying at all, due to Covid. The weather was perfect.'
'Jill is a marvellous organiser,' chips in James. 'Full credit to her for doing that and it really was an absolutely wonderful day.'
They both agree it has been the most lovely marriage. 'I really do think that I've met the most wonderful woman,' says James.
Companionship is the most important factor for both of them. As is the fact that they each get on with the other's grown-up children. James has two daughters. They have made sure that their marriage doesn't affect their children financially.
James does have some indulgent hobbies, which Jill is tolerant of. 'I own a light aeroplane,' says James. 'Fortunately, it's a hobby that I can afford to indulge myself with.'
As a couple they enjoy some very nice holidays together: New Zealand, Namibia, the Caribbean and South East Asia. 'It's indescribably more fun to see them together,' says Jill.
Her advice to those unsure whether to put themselves in the dating arena is to be brave. 'If you don't try these things, you never know.' James adds simply: 'I am very, very lucky.'
Reflecting on her life before James, Jill says: 'When I lost my husband, I thought the end of the world had arrived. And I never, ever, at this age, thought I could have a relationship that was as fulfilling ever again. That I could be that happy again. So I count myself as very, very lucky as well.'
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