People Share Major Generational Shifts In Parenting Trends
Like all things, childraising trends differ from generation to generation. If you have children of your own, chances are your parenting techniques have been influenced (for better or for worse) by the way you were raised by your own parents. Here, they explain some of the major differences between modern day parents and the previous generation of parents.
"A lot of boomers took note of their kids' weaknesses and put them in situations to correct them, whether that he clubs or sports or whatever. I feel as though today a kid's weakness is 'just who they are,' and what could be dealt with early and easily is turning into massive anxiety by their teenage years."
—Woodit
"My parents were young Boomers, both born in the very late 50s, and I was born in '83, and my biggest gripe with parents my age today is they seem to just be dragging the kids along for whatever adults-only event they want to go to. Children don't belong in breweries or wineries, and I'll die 1000x on that hill..."
"...Activities were very kid-focused in the '80s and '90s. Parks were free, whole restaurant chains existed solely for family-friendly dining (Ground Round, Ponderosa, Friendly's, etc.), and I was rarely dragged to adult events."—ImperatorRomanum83
"I don't have any children of my own, but I was over at a friend's house recently who has two little ones, and he and his wife are actively involved playing, reading, and interacting with their kids, and do so every day. It made me look back at my childhood, and I don't recall either one of my parents really playing with my brother or me when we were little..."
".... Sure, we had toys, but as a little kid and as an adolescent, we were pretty much on our own to entertain ourselves or with friends in the neighborhood. I didn't learn how to read until the first grade, and don't recall my mom ever reading to us each night before bed either. I'm 40 years old now, and really, when I look back at my parents, it's almost like I don't have this giant emotional attachment to them. They were great providers. Mom worked part-time later on in my life, but was more like a maid, cook, laundry housewife, and dad worked full-time. He would at least play catch or shoot pool with my brother and me. Any emotional issues were pretty much non-existent. I still shake my dad's hand today as a hug, it's seen as 'not manly' in his eyes. Consequently, neither my brother nor I speaks much to our parents. Saying 'love you' at the end of phone calls is still very odd. I never saw my parents even so much as hold hands or show much affection towards each other ever."—quell3245
"I won't be a helicopter parent in the way my own parents were. As a child who was sheltered, my parents would always intervene, and I became way too reliant on them. It wasn't until my mid-20s that someone helped me realize what was happening, and I had to relearn how to live on my own. Sure, my parents did what they thought was best, but it backfired on me later in life. I'm still in the process of figuring out what it means to be independent and how to fight for myself."
"I don't talk about my weight with my kids. My mom always called herself fat and made negative remarks about her body. She was definitely not fat, and still has an eating disorder. It definitely affected the way my sisters and I see ourselves. I do not have an eating disorder, but one of my sisters definitely does. When I brought it up to my parents, they saw nothing wrong with her behavior because that is how my mom always acted."
—Thasira
"My parents are silent generation. One thing I very intentionally have never done is answer 'why do I have to' with 'because I said so.' I hated this as a kid. I give my kids several reasons why, and if they can give a cogent argument otherwise, I listen and may come up with alternative solutions."
—DelightfulWitches
"The world of 'let kids be kids' is gone. If a child shows an interest in anything, then that is now that kid's be-all and end-all. Do you like hockey? You're on a travel team, year-round. When you're not on the soccer travel team. But, it's also possible that my (Gen X) generation's experiences that allowed us creativity and imagination were the inevitable result of neglect. 'Go outside and play! I don't want you back in this house until dinner' was NOT an uncommon thing for anyone my age to hear."
—MrValdemar
"I hit my kids once out of frustration. I saw her looking at me with frightened eyes, and told myself I would never use physical punishment ever again, and haven't. I don't know how my parents thought that beating was acceptable. Spanking or slapping was normal if a ruler or belt couldn't be found. I've tried to talk to them, and they just say 'it was acceptable at the time' and take no responsibility for their choices. I think that's what millennials do differently. We think and take responsibility for our choices."
—forge_anvil_smith
"We got so obsessed with the mistakes that boomer parents made that we're going too far in the other direction. One of my biggest issues is that millennial parents take zero accountability. There are countless studies about iPad kids and relying too much on screens, and yet you'll hear from countless parents making excuses like they're 'overwhelmed' and they help stop their kids 'disregardation.' And way too many have only one person in the room syndrome. Yes, you and your kid have every right to exist, but so does everyone else. And we can be really lacking in discipline. Previous generations might've been too hard, but we're way too soft."
—AwarenessEconomy8842
"My parents forced me into their interests and never allowed me to engage with my actual interests because they were 'stupid.' They wouldn't even take me to the library to check out books except for special occasions, like one or two times a year. My mom didn't work, and we literally drove by the library several times a week."
—randomly-what
"I feel like many of our parents simply didn't know what they were doing. Some were genuinely trying their best, others didn't even try. They just had children because everyone had children. Now, most people give it a thought at least. And many decide against it."
"I'm genX, grew up in the '70s and '80s, LOVED soccer, played it from age 8 to 18 and beyond… my mother came to one game, my father none. And this was true for all of my friends, too; the sidelines were always empty. I felt horrible when I missed one of my son's games when he was playing, and I just couldn't understand the boomer mindset. Truly the 'me' generation."
—WhisperToARiot
"My parents never gave me compliments. If I had great grades, nothing. If I did something kind/good/challenging, nothing. They'd only tell me what they didn't like or what I could change. So I want to do the opposite."
"I read an article once where a woman said, 'I didn't help my kids if it was something they could do on their own.' It kind of stuck with me. My parents weren't perfect, but they did this, too, and I became a more prepared adult because of it. So, I do the same with my daughter. If she falls, I let her pick herself back up. I only intervene if she isn't safe or truly stuck. Otherwise, she's good at problem-solving and figuring stuff out."
—Anonymous
"Parents today never let their children be bored. When my daughter complained about boredom, I gave her some chores. She learned to embrace boredom, which is not entirely a bad thing."
—Virginia, 79
"The media has scared today's parents to death. Even those of us who know reports of abductions are overblown feel pressured to hover over our kids because that has become the norm. When I was a kid, I wandered all over the neighborhood from an early age, and as soon as I learned to ride a bike, I wandered even farther. And I didn't have a cell phone I could use to check in. There were a couple of times when, due to a miscommunication, my parents didn't know where I was and worried about me. But they never stopped me from wandering, and all the other kids did it, too."
—wjbc
"For me, the biggest difference in mentality is that I'm helping my kids develop into the adults they are meant to be. I'm not here to control them so that they are like me. My kids are not copies of me. They will like different things. They will dislike different things."
—HillyjoKokoMo
"They had them so YOUNG too. I'm just now pregnant with my first at 38, and I can't imagine handling a small human just learning how to regulate its emotions when I was 20 and also learning how to regulate my emotions. Boomer family members warned against having kids later in life because you have less energy to keep up.... but honestly, I'd rather my kid has to deal with a mom that's occasionally dragging due to age, than a dysreflexed barely-not-a-child trying to raise them."
"Both my parents worked when I was young. I was encouraged to be outside, not to be out of their hair, but to develop interpersonal relationships and skills. Even in the winter, I had to stay inside due to extreme cold or bad weather, but I'd be able to have a couple of friends over. Other than that, I was outside with friends. My parents taught me the value of hard work by example and by taking me with them. Now I see my grandchildren sitting in the house, playing those stupid games and not playing with kids their own age, developing all the skills their father and I did growing up…. I find that not just my issue, but a societal problem as well…"
—Bob 68
"Our generation is better about involved parenting, especially fathers. My dad essentially was an inert, and so many other dads in his generation were the same. Dads now seem to be stepping up big time, so much so that certain culture warriors are whinging nastily about it."
—throwawayfromPA1701
"We are very gentle parents because the boomers were rough and sometimes even bullies. We don't want to be the first bullies in our children's lives. As a result, we are too soft and need to find balance. I can't watch my daughter cry."
—eneri008
Do you have something to add? As a parent, what is something you have decided to do the same or differently from the generation before you? Or, if you have grandkids, what is something different about the way your kids are raising kids of their own? Tell us in the comments or in this anonymous form.
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