After my husband died, I couldn't bear to part with his car
Despite the age of the car and the high mileage, he wanted it repaired. He mentioned it time and again. 'If you want it done, just do it,' I finally said. 'Do not wait for me to be convinced it is a wise place to spend money on a car with 170,000 miles.' So he did.
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Following that bodywork, he continued to polish his car, spray his hub caps, and buff the finish with a soft chamois cloth. I would joke sometimes that he loved the car more than he loved me, which I knew was not true.
Ken Balquist at a Patriots game at Gillette Stadium in 2023.
From Claire Curran-Balquist
As the RMV line progresses, I feel my resolve wane. Thinking of deleting his name from this title is one more terrible reminder of how he is being permanently erased on paper. I try hard not to think of the cold winter days he would go out with a soapy bucket and wash the salt off the door panels. I try not to remember how he would park far, far away in store parking lots to prevent door dings from any rogue shopping carts. I can see his smile as he would wink and remind me that parking far away had the added benefit of additional steps for our daily goal of 10,000.
It is now my turn at the RMV window. I hand the young woman my documents. I don't want to take your car, my brain is silently shouting to my husband. It's yours and you are the one who should be driving it, not me. Recently, a mechanic asked me about selling it. I knew I could not. It belongs in our driveway and at our home — just as he belongs there.
Behind the counter, the woman efficiently completes the transaction. Handing me the receipt, she suddenly reaches out and squeezes my hand. I try hard to remain stoic, but this simple act of human kindness penetrates the barricade holding back my emotions. The tears fall instantly. Although I remain quiet, I feel my shoulders shake and my head lower. I stand frozen until I realize she has left her seat behind the window and come into the customer area.
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I have no recollection of how other customers may have reacted, but I do remember a hug and her young, sincere voice saying, 'Grief has no time frame.' She knew that today's transaction had little to do with a car.
Claire Curran-Balquist is a nurse and writer in Wrentham. Send comments to magazine@globe.com.
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