I'm a ‘trans widow' – I missed the signs my husband identified as female… but what happened next was truly horrifying
WHEN Sophie's husband told her he wanted a divorce so he could live life as a woman, she thought it was a late April Fool's joke.
But her partner of 26 years was telling the truth - claiming he'd known he had always wanted to identify as female ever since the age of 19.
The 41-year-old "trans widow" was left stunned by the revelation - while she says her ex never instigated sex, she believed the couple had always had a normal marriage otherwise.
After breaking the news to her and moving out of the marital home, she says just two days later, he started wearing female clothing and wigs.
*Sophie, from Southampton, Hampshire, said: "In my eyes, my husband is a 'he'. I don't want to offend anybody by using the wrong pronouns.
"I'm a 'trans widow', my husband's identity has died, so therefore I'm a widow to the person who I thought I was with.
"He called me out in the garden away from the children and said, 'I need to leave this relationship and live my life as a woman'.
"I told him we have children together and laughed, I thought he was joking.
"It was the beginning of April and I said 'this has to be a late April Fool's joke.'
"But he said he was deadly serious and if he doesn't do this now, he never will.
"I just went into absolute meltdown mode. I remember sitting in my car and crying for hours and hours."
Phone bombshell
While the bombshell rocked Sophie's family, it was just the start - the truth about his alleged seedy online behaviour was later uncovered by a series of bizarre phone calls.
Five months after the split, the full-time mum said she started receiving calls from strangers asking if she was "working" and when she quizzed one bloke about what he meant, he admitted "sex stuff".
Exasperated, Sophie demanded to know where one caller got her number from and was stunned when he sent her a text of what appeared to be her ex's profile advertising sex services online.
The profile reads 'hi guys I'm a 48 yr old trans woman out to give you a good time', advertising prices ranging from £70 for 30 minutes up to £1,000 for an overnight visit.
Sophie's ex was reportedly using her old mobile as a burner phone, unaware that she had left a voicemail message directing callers to her new number.
She told The Sun: "In September, I was on the school run and I started getting phone calls asking whether or not I was working.
"I said 'what do you mean working?' and they said, 'sex stuff'. I was absolutely gobsmacked.
"The next person that rang I asked, 'Where did you get my number from?' They sent me a screenshot of my ex-husband selling himself as a trans woman.
"He was using the mobile phone that I gave back to him as a burner phone, but didn't realise I'd left a voice message saying to ring me on my new number.
"[I thought] 'Not only did you leave the family, but you're now selling yourself as a trans woman'.
"I stopped the children from seeing him because that's not a safe environment to be in.
"He moved so quickly. He was wearing female clothes and wigs a couple days later when he moved out."
'Grieving process'
While the mum-of-three claims she doesn't have an issue with how people choose to identify, she feels like the man she married has 'died'.
"The person I knew has died and it's a grieving process, but it feels like we're not allowed to grieve."
Sophie said it has massively affected how she approaches relationships, as she now struggles with trust issues.
Despite the request to divorce coming out of the blue in April 2020, Sophie admits their relationship felt more like a friendship - as her ex didn't initiate sex.
While she admits she thought nobody would love her again, she said she is now in a new relationship and feels 'lucky' to find love.
Sophie said: "I have massive trust issues, it's hard to trust what anybody says. It's just very sad, it was heartbreaking.
"Once I found out he wanted to identify as a woman since the age of 19, things started clicking into place about our relationship.
"There were little things, he would never instigate sex, it was always me.
"That was tough and then there were little things missing in my house.
"Now I've realised he was taking my clothes and he admitted he had been wearing them and taking them to work.
"I still see that as deception. I see it as he was using me to hide his true self.
"There were good moments but we were almost like friends, not lovers, it was almost like having a lodger in the house.
"I thought nobody would love me again. I have found love again which is beautiful and I'm lucky.
"I was absolutely scared to get into a new relationship. My trust issues are on the floor.
"I'm very much like, 'do you still fancy me? Am I the person you want to be with?"
Sophie says she struggled to tell her children the reason for the divorce and aims to raise awareness about the children of parents who transition.
She says: "I really struggled to explain it to them, you have to be very careful with not alienating the parent.
"I wanted to make sure my feelings around what he's done did not affect them.
"I said 'Daddy has left because he is not happy with his body'.
"There are some questions that I can't answer. It's really hard. There is no textbook and no support, there is nothing.
"If a father has a car crash or is disabled there would be somewhere to go but there's nothing to support.
"There is nothing for children to have that support when a parent is transitioning."
*All the names in this story have been changed
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Scottish Sun
3 hours ago
- Scottish Sun
Madeleine McCann search officially ENDS: Agony as JCB, radar & fingertip trawl of Brueckner's ‘rat run' turns up nothing
MADDIE SEARCH WOE Madeleine McCann search officially ENDS: Agony as JCB, radar & fingertip trawl of Brueckner's 'rat run' turns up nothing THE last-gasp search for Madeleine McCann has been called off at the end of the third day - dashing hopes of nailing Christian Brueckner to the case with DNA evidence. Scores of cops painstakingly combed scrubland near Praia da Luz with JCBs, radar and fingertip searches, believing the tot or her pyjamas could have been buried there. 5 Around 60 cops scoured the area but found nothing Credit: Dan Charity 5 The search was focused on a handful of derelict buildings Credit: Dan Charity 5 Madeleine McCann went missing while on holiday with her family in 2007 Credit: PA 5 Christian Brueckner appears in court in Germany last month Credit: Dan Charity 5 There was an option to extend the search until tomorrow if any clues had been found - but cops turned up "nothing of consequence". Despite initial suggestions samples collected during the search would be sent to Germany for analysis, Portuguese sources this afternoon confirmed that would not happen. Animal bones and adult clothing were unearthed, but no traces linked to Madeleine McCann, so there is no cause for further inspection. A Portuguese police officer told The Sun: 'We have found nothing. There is nothing worth being sent to Germany for testing. We are finishing today." A group of 30 officers was seen searching scrubland on foot before dismantling the cordon tape around 4pm. Attention now turns to prime suspect Brueckner's impending release from jail, when he is expected to flee from Germany and slip away for good. Prosecutors have until September to rustle up an extension to his sentence to guarantee the opportunity to bring him to justice in the event of conclusive evidence. At least five abandoned stone farmhouses and barns were scoured in the area, where Brueckner is known to have lived in a 'wild camp'. Particular attention was paid to a farmhouse where 2007 satellite images showed what appeared to be a white tent. A trench was dug out with an excavator and officers returned today to conduct a close fingertip search. This week's search - the first since May 2023 - deployed special radar technology which can scan the ground and detect buried objects. Plans to scour the whole area were scrapped yesterday - and cops focused all their efforts on at least five abandoned buildings. The Sun revealed that this search was ordered after key figures in the case were flown back to Germany to again give statements on the claims Brueckner kidnapped and killed the toddler in 2007. He has never been formally charged over Madeleine's disappearance and denies any involvement - but German cops are convinced he is guilty. The Sun revealed in a documentary last month that German police uncovered a cache of disturbing evidence revealing Brueckner's obsession with young kids. There was also a hard-drive of pictures, which German investigators continue to keep secret, that is believed to indicate why they are sure Madeleine is dead. After a similar search of the nearby Arade Dam two years ago, soil and other samples were sent to Germany for checks but found to have no evidential value. Follow our live blog, below, for the latest news and updates...
Daily Mail
6 hours ago
- Daily Mail
Sophie, Duchess of Edinburgh issues heartfelt plea against sexual violence: 'We must do better'
The Duchess of Edinburgh has spoken passionately of her campaign to highlight the plight of victims of sexual violence in conflict, saying: 'We must do better.' Sophie, 60, who has spoken out on the issue for years and met hundreds of survivors around the world, was visiting the UK's first exhibition dedicated to the subject on Wednesday. Featuring shocking stories ranging from the First World War until the present day, the royal expressed her frustration as she toured the displays at the way the issue is still swept under the carpet - and the cultural norms that give rise to the degradation of women even today. She looked amazed when told that the British Royal Air Force didn't ban 'nose art' - the drawing of scantily-clad women on the front of their fighter planes - until 2007. 'Surprising….' she said, clearly unimpressed and raising an eyebrow. Unsilenced: Sexual Violence in Conflict has opened at the Imperial War Museum in London and will run until November 2. It is a subject the duchess - who was making her visit to the exhibition ahead of International Day for the Elimination of Sexual Violence in Conflict on June 19 - says is woefully 'under-discussed'. In recent years the King's sister-in-law, who is married to his brother, Prince Edward, has travelled to current and former war zones including Chad, the Congo, Kosovo, South Chad, Lebanon and Sierra Leone. She has devoted much of her latter working life as a royal to supporting the Women, Peace and Security Agenda and is passionate about championing gender equality. Shocking stories of the use of rape and sexual assault as a weapon of war against both women and men have emerged from the current conflict in Ukraine, including a powerful report just weeks ago in the Daily Mail. Sophie, dressed elegantly in a Gabriela Hearst pink silk maxi dress and Jimmy Choo heels, was keen to ensure that survivors has been consulted on the exhibition, saying: 'This is about them, their voice matters'. The Duchess of Edinburgh with curator Helen Upcraft during a visit to the Imperial War Museum's new exhibition. Sophie looked amazed when told that the British Royal Air Force didn't ban 'nose art' - the drawing of scantily-clad women on the front of their fighter planes - until 2007 And she was assured their stories had been 'integral' to the process by exhibitions manager Jack Davies manage and curator Helen Upcraft. 'Unsilenced' examines how and why gender violence is perpetrated, its impact on victims and the pursuit of justice and reconciliation, with powerful testimonies from survivors and interviews with experts in the field. The Duchess spoke movingly about a visit she had made to Kosovo in 2019 and how deeply moved she had been when speaking to women about the 'shame and stigma' they experienced as a result of being brutalised. Discussing the horror of the many women who fell pregnant by their attackers, she said: 'The stigma that is sadly placed on the women….it's about the mothers. In so many countries they can't even go back into the home place,' she said. 'I met a woman in Kosovo. A number of years ago there was a programme on what had happened [there] and the numbers they estimated of the women who had been raped. She told me how her husband had been so empathetic and he had been horrified [about the statistics] because they didn't know. And because he had been so empathetic and saying this was just so awful that she felt brave enough to admit to him that she had been one of them. And that was the end of her marriage. 'This is the problem. It's the legacy. And unless we as a society help, we have to help people understand that they are not the ones who have the shame. It is not their lives who should be destroyed. We have to do better.' Sophie was also shown displays of wartime propaganda, which can itself create an atmosphere where sexual violence can occur. This includes the sexual slavery of the 'Comfort Women Corps' in the Second World War, the state-sanctioned violence against Yazidi women and girls by ISIS in 2014, as well as the Soviet Red Army in Berlin in 1945 , and even the US treatment of Iraqi prisoners in Abu Ghraib in 2004. 'This is not just something that happens to foreigners by foreigners, this is something we all need to address,' the duchess said. Turning to another display on women forced to have sex for rations so that their families can survive, she added sadly: 'It's a way of some people staying alive.' The duchess also looked particularly horrified at a display of drawings by Sudanese children depicting the sexual violence they had seen their mothers, sisters and even grandmothers subjected to, including a particularly shocking image of a soldier turning his eyes away in shame at what his colleague was doing. 'It's so vivid,' she gasped. Justice, she said, was a perennial problems for victims. 'It's a tiny, tiny scratch on the surface…The issue of prosecution, it's so hard to ever get any kind of closure on any of this. To try and prosecute. Where do you start? Do you prosecute a country? A leader? Of course this does happen. But it's important to recognise this at the highest level,' she insisted. Thanked for her own role in highlighting the issue, the royal added: 'It's a privilege. If we could all do ourselves out of a job…it would be great.'
Scottish Sun
8 hours ago
- Scottish Sun
Young Ukrainian soldier dies at UK military barracks as MoD issues statement over ‘immensely sad' tragedy
The young recruit was found on Wednesday evening TROOP DEATH Young Ukrainian soldier dies at UK military barracks as MoD issues statement over 'immensely sad' tragedy Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) A UKRAINIAN soldier has been found dead at a training base in the UK. The unnamed recruit was discovered at a barracks in East Anglia on Wednesday night. Sign up for Scottish Sun newsletter Sign up 1 A young Ukrainian soldier has been found dead at a UK barracks Credit: Getty Emergency services raced to the scene but were unable to resuscitate him. The Sun understands the death is not being treated as suspicious. The man, believed to be in his mid-20s, was discovered by comrades at around 8pm in a room used to dry wet clothes. Civilian police and paramedics attended but he was pronounced dead at the scene. The man, believed to be in his mid-20s, was one of over 50,000 Ukrainian soldiers who have been trained in the UK, as part of Operation Interflex, to defend their country against Russia. The troops learn infantry tactics, trench warfare and how to defend themselves from drones in an intense five week course. The Sun has not revealed the location of the camp as some bases used to train Ukrainian troops have been targeted by Russian spies. A Ministry of Defence spokesperson said: 'It is with immense sadness that we can confirm the death of a Ukrainian soldier in the UK on June 4, 2025."
