Weekend Update Joke Swap Sees Michael Che Atone For Scarlett Johansson Joke As Colin Jost Comes For Lorne Michaels' Throne: 'Retire B*tch'

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19-05-2025

Co-anchors Colin Jost and Michael Che were in for a treat tonight with Saturday Night Live Season 50's final joke swap, which saw the latter atone for his midseason finale joke at the expense of host Scarlett Johansson and the former coming for creator/executive producer Lorne Michaels' throne.
The long-held Weekend Update tradition kicked off with a bang, as Che's first (previously unseen) quip for Jost included a jab at Michaels: 'But before we start, it's SNL's 50th season, so I want to take a moment to say something to our boss, Lorne Michaels. Lorne, retire bitch! Let me run the show.'
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Per tradition, a majority of Jost's jokes penned by Che get him to say exceedingly racist things, while Che's prewritten material paints him as a misogynist and/or pervert.
Jost kicked things off with more jabs at CBS' Beyond the Gates, the first all-Black daytime soap opera, saying, 'it'll air when Black people are home from work, 24 hours a day,' continuing that 'since you [the audience] liked that, here's another.' He added, 'It's called, 'All My Children Don't Know Who Their Daddy Is.''
Che's jokes meanwhile claimed he was bothered by rowdiness at A Minecraft Movie because he was 'trying to masturbate' and that he hasn't been that excited for a film 'since I saw a white woman's drink unattended.'
Meanwhile, Jost's next joke read, 'A new study finds that the hoots and grunts of Bonobos shows signs of complex thoughts similar to human language. Oh, so like that awful halftime show?' An image of Kendrick Lamar on stage then flashed on screen as Jost finished reading.
Transitioning, Che called Johansson up to the stage 'to apologize to someone I hurt' with 'tasteless jokes' comparing her vagina to Costco's roast beef sandwich during last year's Christmas joke swap.
'The fact is, I was just lashing out because I'm jealous. I've never even seen a human vagina. And notice I said 'human' because I once spent the summer on a farm. You feel me?' Che began, turning to Johansson for a high five, which she naturally did not return. 'Maybe I'm just embarrassed about my own body; I can't even take my hoodie off during sex because I have more nipples than a pregnant dog,' he added, unable to resist from breaking.
Che continued, 'Colin, I'm sorry too, because I owe you everything. When Colin discovered me, I was selling crack outside the Bronx Zoo,' bursting into laughter. 'Now look at me: selling crack outside the American Girl doll store. I've told thousands of jokes on Update and gotten dozens of laughs, but I've never said the three most important words of all: I love you.'
In an abrupt change seemingly going nowhere, Jost then uttered one of the more egregious jokes of the night, with a tee-up of the Golden State Warriors head coach Steve Kerr being 'here with his family.' Jost said, 'I love Steve, I like Nick, but I wouldn't say I'm a Nick Kerr lover.'
'Seems beside the point Colin, but sure,' Che added.
Jost closed out Weekend Update with this: 'Some psychologists say adults can reduce stress by returning to a childhood hobby, which is why I returned to my favorite childhood hobby: topping off priests with my pretty little mouth.' As the audience exclaimed, an offscreen hand prompted Jost to put on red lipstick, which the co-host gamely did, saying, 'Lorne, I'll do anything to run this show.'
Watch the full finale joke swap above.
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