A Texan Ostrich Biting Boris Johnson At A Drive-Thru Safari Park Is Justice For His Awful Car Writing
There's something unnerving and completely unnatural about an ostrich. Birds aren't supposed to be that big, and nothing they do can convince me otherwise. Well, almost anything. I'm now officially Team Ostrich after one of them attacked Boris Johnson, the disgraced former British Prime Minister, Brexit supporter, sole human alive whose haircut would actually be improved by a Flowbee, and, most iconically to us, absolutely awful car writer. I bet the ostrich would do it again, too.
You'd think Johnson would be too ashamed to show his face in public, but apparently he thought he'd be safe in Texas, since no one there outside of Austin can read. And yet, the Daily Mail reports that while driving through one of those animal safari parks with his multi-decade-younger wife and their three kids, one of whom is only a year old, an ostrich took it upon itself to remind Johnson that couldn't have been further from the truth. You shouldn't have been so horny for the cars, Boris.
Maybe the ostrich was still upset about the cost-of-living crisis that Johnson helped cause in the UK, but since it attacked him in a car, I have to conclude it was at least partly related to Boris' time as the world's worst automotive journalist.
Read more: These Are The Dumbest Looking Cars Of All Time, According To You
Now, you don't exactly have to be an award-winning writer to get a job writing about cars. If you did, I certainly wouldn't be in the second decade of my career as an automotive journalist. But Boris had a way of writing about cars that could make you physically uncomfortable just reading his words. For example, while reviewing the Ferrari F430, he wrote, "It was as though the whole county of Hampshire was lying back and opening her well-bred legs to be ravished by the Italian stallion." Eww, Boris. Gross. No, thank you.
Johnson wasn't just weirdly, uncomfortably horny for the cars, either. He also had a reputation for racking up parking violations, getting loaner cars impounded, and expecting anyone other than himself to take care of the fines. Considering all that, would it also surprise you to learn his editors at GQ also claim he regularly turned in his articles late and couldn't even be counted on to remember what color car he had been given?
And yet, he managed to keep getting paid, all while writers who actually took their jobs seriously struggled to earn enough money to cover their bills and put food on the table. Then again, would you expect anything other than entitlement and incompetence from an Eton grad? Even though it's trapped in Texas, there are probably at least a few million people in the UK who are jealous that ostrich had the courage and opportunity to do what they only wish they could.
Want more like this? Join the Jalopnik newsletter to get the latest auto news sent straight to your inbox...
Read the original article on Jalopnik.
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Yahoo
5 hours ago
- Yahoo
Reform UK row as party chair calls new MP's burqa ban question ‘dumb'
A row has broken out in Reform UK after its newest MP called on the prime minister to ban the burqa, with the party's chair, Zia Yusuf, saying it was a 'dumb' question given that was not party policy. Sarah Pochin, who recently won the Runcorn and Helsby byelection, asked Keir Starmer in parliament on Wednesday: 'Given the prime minister's desire to strengthen strategic alignment with our European neighbours, will he in the interests of public safety follow the lead of France, Denmark, Belgium and others and ban the burqa?' Her call was met with cries of 'shame' from some MPs, and Reform later clarified it was not the party's policy but that it could be part of a debate. Nigel Farage, the party leader, also weighed in later on GB News, saying: 'I don't think face coverings in public places make sense, and we deserve a debate about this.' However, Yusuf responded to the idea on X on Thursday suggesting the question should not have been asked. 'Nothing to do with me. Had no idea about the question nor that it wasn't policy. Busy with other stuff. I do think it's dumb for a party to ask the PM if they would do something the party itself wouldn't do,' he wrote. A Reform spokesperson said Yusuf had not been criticising Pochin personally as he had said it was a 'dumb' thing for a party to do, and that all parties contained people who took different positions on policy matters. However, it is the latest sign of disharmony in Reform, months after Rupert Lowe, one of the party's MPs, was booted out after a disagreement with Yusuf and Farage. Lowe, who now sits as an independent, takes a more sympathetic approach to the far-right agitator Tommy Robinson and has a hardline view advocating mass deportation of people who have migrated to the UK illegally. On Thursday, Lowe backed a burqa ban, saying: 'The burqa is a political symbol: it represents a deeply patriarchal and unpleasant worldview that has no place in our society. We must defend the freedom of girls and women born into a culture where that suffocation isn't a choice, but a rule. Let's ban the burqa.' The idea was also endorsed by Nick Timothy, a Tory MP and former chief of staff to Theresa May, who said on X: 'The burqa is as British as Jeddah and yes it should be banned.'
San Francisco Chronicle
5 hours ago
- San Francisco Chronicle
Thousands of demonstrators march through Rome to call for an immediate end to the war in Gaza
ROME (AP) — Tens of thousands of demonstrators marched through the streets of Rome on Saturday against the war in Gaza in a protest called by Italy's main opposition parties, who accuse the right-wing government of being too silent. Protesters held a banner reading 'Stop the massacre, stop complicity!' at the start of the march, which moved peacefully through the center of Rome amid a massive display of rainbow, Palestinian and political party flags. The protest attracted a diverse crowd from across the country, including many families with children. According to organizers, up to 300,000 people participated in the rally organized by the leftist opposition to ask the government for a clear position on the conflict in Gaza. 'This is an an enormous popular response to say enough to the massacre of Palestinians and the crimes of (Israeli leader Benjamin) Netanyahu's government,' the leader of Italy's center-left Democratic Party, Elly Schlein, told reporters at the march. 'There is another Italy that doesn't remain silent as the Meloni government does," she said, referring to Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni. Meloni was recently pushed by the opposition to publicly condemn Netanyahu's offensive in Gaza, but many observers considered her criticism too timid. '(The Italian government) is not reacting despite an abnormal massacre, despite an absolutely cruel and inappropriate reaction. The (Italian) government remains silent,' said Nadin Unali, a Tunisian demonstrator at the march. Earlier this week, the Italian premier urged Israel to immediately halt its military campaign in Gaza, saying its attacks had grown disproportionately and should be brought to an end to protect civilians. Israel faces mounting international criticism for its offensive and pressure to let aid into Gaza during a humanitarian crisis. Gaza has been under an Israeli blockade for nearly three months, with experts warning that many of its 2 million residents are at high risk of famine. The war broke out on Oct. 7, 2023, when Hamas-led militants launched a surprise attack on Israel, killing some 1,200 people, mostly civilians, and abducted 251 hostages. They are still holding 56 hostages, around a third of them believed to be alive. Since then, Israel has killed more than 54,000 Palestinians in its military campaign, primarily women and children, according to the Gaza Health Ministry, which does not distinguish between civilians and combatants in its figures. ___
Yahoo
7 hours ago
- Yahoo
British lawyers for Hamas investigated by watchdog
The law firm trying to remove Hamas from the UK's list of proscribed terrorist groups is being investigated by a solicitors' watchdog, The Telegraph understands. Riverway Law made headlines in April when it launched an appeal to have Hamas taken off Britain's list of proscribed groups. The firm made a submission to Yvette Cooper, the Home Secretary, arguing that Hamas posed 'no threat to the UK people' and should be allowed to operate here on free speech grounds. Just days after submitting its appeal to the Home Office, the firm was reported to the Solicitors Regulation Authority (SRA) by Robert Jenrick, the shadow justice secretary. Mr Jenrick argued that Riverway's appeal potentially breached UK sanctions rules on terror groups. He also drew attention to apparent social media posts about the war in Gaza by Fahad Ansari, the leading lawyer in the case and the director of Riverway. The posts included claims that Hamas is a 'legitimate resistance movement' protecting Palestinians from 'UK-sponsored Israeli genocide'. The SRA is understood to be at an early phase of its investigation and no conclusions have yet been reached. In a letter to the watchdog sent in April, Mr Jenrick said there was 'a clear need to uphold public confidence in the legal profession and to ensure rigorous enforcement of the UK sanctions regime'. He said that there were 'significant questions as to whether Riverway have complied with their obligations under the UK sanctions regime, the SRA's own published guidance and broader professional standards expected of solicitors'. Mr Ansari has defended his firm's actions. In response to Mr Jenrick's complaint he said: 'We were in contact with OFSI [the Office of Financial Sanctions Implementation], external counsel and others who had represented sanctioned organisation[s], to ensure that we did not breach our duties under the sanctions regime.' Riverway submitted a 106-page application to the Home Office in April, accompanied by a video which was posted to its social media channels. The application argued the proscription of Hamas in the UK should be lifted in line with European Convention of Human Rights protections in the interest of freedom of speech. It also claimed the ban is disproportionate and that Hamas poses 'no threat to the UK people'. The ongoing appeal, believed to be the first of its kind, is being fronted by Mousa Abu Marzouk, Hamas's head of international relations and its legal office. Mr Jenrick welcomed the SRA's investigation on Saturday, telling The Telegraph: 'Our sanctions regime is pointless if it isn't enforced. 'Ansari is a shameless apologist who argues Hamas poses no threat to the British people. What nonsense. This evil death cult threatens free people everywhere.' Mr Ansari has previously appeared to make a series of controversial social media posts related to the ongoing Israel-Gaza war. In posts dating from last year he appeared to praise fighters of the 'courageous Palestinian mujahideen', wrote 'you should view Hamas as an army of angels' and dismissed international courts as 'hopeless', saying that 'only armed resistance' would help Palestinians. In April last year, a post on his X account said: 'Eid Mubarak to everyone celebrating especially the courageous Palestinian mujahideen who continue to resist the Western-backed Israeli genocide entirely on their own. You are the pride of this Ummah. May you celebrate Eid one day in a fully liberated Palestine.' Another comment posted in June said: 'If you believe genocidal Israel is the most moral army in the world, then you should view Hamas as an army of angels.' The SRA declined to comment. Mr Ansari and Riverway Law were approached for comment. Broaden your horizons with award-winning British journalism. Try The Telegraph free for 1 month with unlimited access to our award-winning website, exclusive app, money-saving offers and more.
