THIS parenting style is doing more harm than good. Here's why

Time of India

25-05-2025

W
hen it comes to parenting, there is no one size fits all. Parents all across the world might have different styles, but at the end of the day, all of them want the best for their child.
Whether it is gentle parenting, helicopter parenting, or strict parenting, all parents try to achieve the best results - making their kids smarter, and successful in life. But is THIS parenting style doing more harm than good? Let's know all about Tiger Parenting...
What Is Tiger Parenting?
Tiger parenting is an extremely strict style, where parents set very high standards for their children, often focusing mainly on academic success and discipline.
These parents expect their kids to spend long hours studying or practicing skills like music, without any leeway for playing, chilling with friends etc. They often do not allow children to choose their own interests and may penalise them if they go astray.
This parenting style became widely known after Amy Chua's book 'Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother,' which described strict rules like no sleepovers, no TV, and always being the best in school (no second best)
Emotional toll on children
Studies have found that children raised by tiger parents often suffer from anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
When parents use shame or guilt to punish their children for not meeting "their" expectations, it can damage the child's confidence and lead to feelings of worthlessness. For example, telling a child that he/she is useless after an average score in a test can damage the child's emotional quotient.
A 2018 study in Singapore showed that children with very critical parents who held them to high standards were more likely to develop depression and anxiety than children with less intrusive parenting styles.
These children may also develop perfectionism that harms their emotional health, making them petrified of failure instead of seeing it as a chance to learn.
Curbs creativity
Such parents often keep academic achievement above all else, leaving little room for creativity or socialization. Children may miss out on hobbies, friendships, and playtime because their schedules are packed with study and practice. This can lead to a lack of creativity and poor social skills since these areas are not encouraged or given time.
Moreover, because tiger parents tightly control their children's activities, kids have fewer chances to make their own choices. This can hurt their decision-making skills and reduce their intrinsic motivation—meaning they do things mainly to please their parents, not because they want to.
Why such parenting style
Many tiger parents come from backgrounds where failure meant serious consequences, such as poverty or discrimination.
For them, pushing children to succeed is a way to protect them from hardship. This parenting style can be a response to trauma or fear, where parents believe that only the best achievements will secure their child's future.
While this approach makes sense from a survival perspective, it can create emotional distance between parents and children. Kids may feel that love and approval depend on their success, making them anxious and disconnected from their true selves.
Finding a balance
Although tiger parenting can teach discipline and a strong work ethic, experts suggest that parents should balance high expectations with warmth and understanding. Children need to feel loved unconditionally, not just when they meet goals. Allowing kids to explore their interests, make mistakes, and develop social skills is important for their overall growth.
Therapists recommend that parents listen to their children's feelings and support them in setting their own goals. This helps build self-esteem and motivation from within, rather than relying on external pressure. Healing from the effects of strict parenting can also involve therapy to address anxiety, depression, or anger caused by high-pressure upbringing.
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