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Time of India
25-05-2025
- General
- Time of India
THIS parenting style is doing more harm than good. Here's why
W hen it comes to parenting, there is no one size fits all. Parents all across the world might have different styles, but at the end of the day, all of them want the best for their child. Whether it is gentle parenting, helicopter parenting, or strict parenting, all parents try to achieve the best results - making their kids smarter, and successful in life. But is THIS parenting style doing more harm than good? Let's know all about Tiger Parenting... What Is Tiger Parenting? Tiger parenting is an extremely strict style, where parents set very high standards for their children, often focusing mainly on academic success and discipline. These parents expect their kids to spend long hours studying or practicing skills like music, without any leeway for playing, chilling with friends etc. They often do not allow children to choose their own interests and may penalise them if they go astray. This parenting style became widely known after Amy Chua's book 'Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother,' which described strict rules like no sleepovers, no TV, and always being the best in school (no second best) Emotional toll on children Studies have found that children raised by tiger parents often suffer from anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. When parents use shame or guilt to punish their children for not meeting "their" expectations, it can damage the child's confidence and lead to feelings of worthlessness. For example, telling a child that he/she is useless after an average score in a test can damage the child's emotional quotient. A 2018 study in Singapore showed that children with very critical parents who held them to high standards were more likely to develop depression and anxiety than children with less intrusive parenting styles. These children may also develop perfectionism that harms their emotional health, making them petrified of failure instead of seeing it as a chance to learn. Curbs creativity Such parents often keep academic achievement above all else, leaving little room for creativity or socialization. Children may miss out on hobbies, friendships, and playtime because their schedules are packed with study and practice. This can lead to a lack of creativity and poor social skills since these areas are not encouraged or given time. Moreover, because tiger parents tightly control their children's activities, kids have fewer chances to make their own choices. This can hurt their decision-making skills and reduce their intrinsic motivation—meaning they do things mainly to please their parents, not because they want to. Why such parenting style Many tiger parents come from backgrounds where failure meant serious consequences, such as poverty or discrimination. For them, pushing children to succeed is a way to protect them from hardship. This parenting style can be a response to trauma or fear, where parents believe that only the best achievements will secure their child's future. While this approach makes sense from a survival perspective, it can create emotional distance between parents and children. Kids may feel that love and approval depend on their success, making them anxious and disconnected from their true selves. Finding a balance Although tiger parenting can teach discipline and a strong work ethic, experts suggest that parents should balance high expectations with warmth and understanding. Children need to feel loved unconditionally, not just when they meet goals. Allowing kids to explore their interests, make mistakes, and develop social skills is important for their overall growth. Therapists recommend that parents listen to their children's feelings and support them in setting their own goals. This helps build self-esteem and motivation from within, rather than relying on external pressure. Healing from the effects of strict parenting can also involve therapy to address anxiety, depression, or anger caused by high-pressure upbringing. One step to a healthier you—join Times Health+ Yoga and feel the change
South China Morning Post
27-04-2025
- General
- South China Morning Post
Are Hong Kong's tiger parents harming their children's futures by pushing them too hard?
Maths on Monday, taekwondo on Tuesday, piano lessons on Wednesday, creative writing on Thursday and swimming on Saturday. No, this isn't a schedule of activities offered at your local community centre, but a typical week of extracurriculars for a student in Hong Kong on top of their regular academic curriculum, usually planned by a so-called 'tiger parent' or 'helicopter parent'. Advertisement Used to describe parents who are too strict, protective and intensely involved in their children's lives – with an extreme focus on academic performance and high-status extracurricular activities (ECAs) – tiger parents are especially prevalent in Hong Kong and the rest of Asia, where huge value is placed on academic achievement. 'When I first moved here 13 years ago, tiger parenting was more ubiquitous, thanks in part to Amy Chua's book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother,' says Dr Melissa Ortega Giglio, clinical psychiatrist at Central Health's child development team. 'However, new parenting styles have emerged and become more attractive and mainstream.' Tiger parents are still very common in Hong Kong, according to educators. Photo: Dickson Lee For Brenda (whose name has been changed for privacy reasons), a mother of three and international school educator in Hong Kong, 'Tiger parenting is still very common. Parents send their children to all sorts of classes from a young age, even when they're just one or two years old. I'd say that 80 per cent of our students are involved in some kind of ECA.' Despite its negative connotations though, Brenda also points out that tiger parenting usually comes from a good place. 'Parents genuinely care and want their kids to have a head start in life,' she explains. 'Some are more relaxed than others and send their kids to ECAs because they want them to spend their time more productively than just playing video games at home. Others are a lot stricter and have high expectations – wanting them to get into exclusive programmes like a school's gifted programme, for instance.' Tiger parenting can be gruelling for children, who are often put through many hours of private tutoring, which are crammed into after-school hours and weekends, not only for academic subjects but for sports, music, languages and the arts as well. Those who perform well could consider themselves lucky to receive praise, given the stereotypical cultural reluctance of Asian parents to heap compliments on their children, while those who fall short of their parents' exceptionally high standards might be scolded, or even worse, shamed. Invictus' Fiona Chan says parental pressure has long-term effects on children. Photo: Handout 'Hong Kong students face a lot of pressure to meet society's expectations – whether it's the school's, their teachers' or their parents' – and I feel for them,' says Brenda, who has seen these scoldings first-hand. 'It breaks my heart, and we try as much as possible to encourage parents to be supportive and positive instead of judgmental and overly critical.'
Yahoo
27-03-2025
- Politics
- Yahoo
Trump's executive order on voting is MAGA's trojan horse
President Trump's latest executive order is unconstitutional but it's also redundant. On Tuesday, as the New York Times reports, President Trump 'signed an executive order on Tuesday that will require proof of U.S. citizenship on election forms.' Of course, non-citizens have never been allowed to vote, and the president has no authority over elections. The Constitution assigns that responsibility to the states. The order is the latest example of what the Times describes as Trump's 'strikingly aggressive approach to power, moving swiftly to claim more authority and barrel through norms…' But it is something more. It is another sign that the president is trying to change the meaning of what it means to be an American. That is why the president's order targets 'foreign nationals.' It, and the president's obsession with illegal immigration, are designed to change the way people in this country think of themselves. Throughout our history, the meaning of being American has been tied to a particular understanding of our founding documents, especially the Constitution. Americans are bound together by what some have called a 'civil religion.' That is what the president's words and deeds, like the Executive Order he signed two days ago, threaten to destroy. As NPR notes, 'America, unlike some countries, is not defined by a common ancestry, nor is it tied to an official faith tradition. But it does have a distinct identity and a quasi-religious foundation.' 'The 'self-evident' truths listed in the Declaration of Independence and the key provisions of the U.S. Constitution and the Bill of Rights have acquired the status of scripture in the U.S. consciousness. Acceptance of this uniquely American creed is seen as the key to one's identity as an American.' Or, as law professors Amy Chua and Jeb Rubenfeld argue, 'Americans were to be united through a new kind of patriotism—constitutional patriotism—based on ideals enshrined in their founding document.' This is not to say that this country has lived up to its creed or always put those ideals into practice. All too often, it has deviated from that creed's most significant commitments. Our history is marked by many instances in which people's inalienable rights have been violated or when they were targeted in spite of their adherence to and belief in our 'civil religion.' But many of them have seen through and beyond those injustices. They had faith in this country and believed in its better angels. The distinguished African-American historian Nicole Hannah Jones captures this in a story about her father. 'My dad,' she says, 'always flew an American flag in our front yard. The blue paint on our two-story house was perennially chipping; the fence, or the rail by the stairs, or the front door existed in a perpetual state of disrepair, but that flag always flew pristine.' 'So,' she continues, 'when I was young, that flag outside our home never made sense to me. How could this black man, having seen firsthand the way his country abused black Americans, how it refused to treat us as full citizens, proudly fly its banner? I didn't understand his patriotism. It deeply embarrassed me.' What she only came to understand was that her father never lost hope for our 'civil religion.' That hope and an awareness of the indispensable contributions of Black Americans to the realization of its promise, sustained him even as he suffered through failures of that promise. 'My father,' Hannah Jones writes, 'knew exactly what he was doing when he raised that flag. He knew that our people's contributions to building the richest and most powerful nation in the world were indelible, that the United States simply would not exist without us.' I'm not sure the president understands the vision of America held by Hannah-Jones' father. And if he does, Tuesday's Executive Order shows his disdain for it. President Trump treats the Constitution as a malleable instrument of his will while inviting us to accept a version of the American story that would push people like her father to the margins. That is because the president is uncomfortable with our 'civil religion.' His idea of what it means to be an American taps into an ''ethnic-nationalist' tradition of American identity.' That tradition 'is based on a set of criteria (including being white, Christian, native-born, and English-speaking) to define who is a 'real' American, and who is not.' But, as Professors Eric Taylor Woods and Robert Schertzer report, '[E]ven though ethno-nationalism..(was) central to Trump's campaign rhetoric, he tends to avoid explicitly referring to it.' Instead, they suggest, 'Trump tends to heavily rely upon thinly veiled speech codes known as 'dog whistles' to implicitly refer to them. This is what he is doing when he says he is standing up for the 'silent majority' and 'forgotten men and women,' or when he claims he will protect 'suburban housewives' from the threat of illegal migrants.' That is why the first executive order of his new term was entitled, 'PROTECTING THE MEANING AND VALUE OF AMERICAN CITIZENSHIP.' It focused on birthright citizenship and defined it in ways that would not be recognizable to those who included it in the Constitution's 14th amendment. And, as the ACLU points out, 'it would strip certain babies born in the United States of their U.S. citizenship.' The legality of the president's Executive Order is being challenged, and several judges have issued a preliminary injunctions blocking it from going into effect. As Chua and Rubenfeld rightly argue 'The core constitutional aspiration—in the 1780s, the 1860s, the 1960s, and the present—has been to create a tribe-transcending national identity…' and in that endeavor, 'The significance of birthright citizenship cannot be overstated.' If we are to resist the president's effort to redefine what it means to be an American, we must not be taken in by pretexts that the nation is afflicted by fraudulent voting by foreign nationals. Tuesday's order is just a trojan horse to help him carry on with his strategy of stoking fear of anyone who is not 'white, Christian, native-born, and English-speaking' and rejecting the values and teachings of our 'civic religion.'
