How To Keep Your Cool When Negotiations Heat Up

Forbes

2 days ago

Negotiating
One of the reasons negotiations grind to a halt is that one party is playing 'the heavy' and the other party seems at a loss as to how to deal with the situation. In in those moments of hesitation, the heavy gets what they want and the acquiescent party gets little.
It does not have to be this way.
When dealing with 'a heavy,' it is important to identify the type of person you are dealing with. That is, 'knowing what he'll do to perpetuate his efforts,' writes globally-recognized negotiation expert Dr. Greg Williams.
'This identification process is paramount to the strategies you'll create to combat him. As part of the identification process, you must be attentive to what he says, the words he uses to make his pronouncements. That means you have to listen intently and not be thinking of the rebuttals you'll offer while he's speaking.' [Disclaimer: Dr. Williams is a member of 100 Coaches of which I am also a member.]
When dealing with someone who likes to play 'the heavy,' it is important to identify the type of person you are dealing with. That is, 'knowing what he'll do to perpetuate his efforts,' writes globally-recognized negotiation expert Dr. Greg Williams. [Disclaimer: Dr. Williams is a member of 100 Coaches of which I am also a member.]
'This identification process is paramount to the strategies you'll create to combat him. As part of the identification process, you must be attentive to what he says, the words he uses to make his pronouncements. That means you have to listen intently and not be thinking of the rebuttals you'll offer while he's speaking.'
Understand your outcome. Knowing what you want to accomplish before you begin negotiating is essential. Keep it front and center as you converse.
Do your homework. Find out as much as you can about the person with whom you will be negotiating. Ask questions of people who know them or have dealt with them previously. Read up on tactics they may employ against you.
Role play. Stage a give-and-take session with your team members. Consider it practice before the game. Ask others to ask you tough questions, even if it means being insulted.
Stay calm. Do not rise to the bait. Take a deep breath and stay focused on the outcome. 'Be vigilant of nonverbal cues,' advises Dr. Williams. 'Nod to display agreement, maintain an open stance to convey approachability, and mirror the opposition's positive gestures. Always give attention to the body language negotiators exhibit, and align your gestures to increase rapport and trust.'
Seek common ground. Look past the taunts to find common ground. Express your desire to find solutions that benefit both parties (or all parties). Be the voice of reason. 'Use interest-based negotiation techniques, such as asking open-ended questions to uncover underlying interests and exploring multiple options before settling on one,' says Dr. Williams. 'To do this more effectively, seek to expose the 'why' the other party pursues the outcome they are after. Propose solutions that address all parties' core needs, emphasizing collaboration over competition.'
Remain open to discussion. Know when to end a negotiating session, but make it clear that you want to continue exploring ways to work together.
There is another solution. Silence. Too often, we become so enamored of our position that we exaggerate it, sometimes to the point of overstatement. Learn the art of the pause. You do not have to keep talking. Silence can be a stealth weapon in your arsenal. Coupling calmness with resolute silence can be masterful.
Negotiating with someone who is trying to provoke you is their tactic. It does not have to be yours. Learn how to keep your cool.