What it's like growing up with a Navy SEAL dad

Yahoo

a day ago

Dispelling the myths and confirming the truths.
I get asked a lot of ridiculous questions about my dad. They usually revolve around how many people he's killed, or how easily he can kill someone with one finger.
On one hand, I get it. He's an interesting guy. My dad was a SEAL for decades. He commanded SEAL Team 6 from 1999 to 2003. He doesn't like it when I tell people that but ah well. He's fun to brag about.
There's always been a mystique around SEALs. That mystique turned into borderline celebrity status following the War in Afghanistan and the legendary stories that followed. Yet here I am, almost 41 years old, still getting asked the same stupid questions about having a SEAL dad.
I thought I'd put it all to rest. This is what it was like with both my dad and other SEALs around me.
Levels of strictness
My dad probably is a bit stricter than the average dad. SEALs aren't the kumbaya types, smiling after a mistake and saying, 'Now what did we all learn from this?' But it was never anything extreme. I can say, with certainty, that most marine dads are way stricter.
SEAL communities are all about being tough, competent, and brave. They trade a lot of currency on those values. When they are around each other, that tough-guy culture can be heightened, particularly with younger SEALs who are eager to prove themselves.
I suspect that for many, family life is a welcome break from a day job that involves 'being hard'. And they are generally smart enough to know that acting like a drill sergeant with your kids doesn't exactly build a great relationship.
If there was ever a moment when my upbringing felt different, it was in my freshman year of high school. I was at a local private school. Many of the kids my age were quite spoiled.
There was a memorable moment as we milled around before soccer practice. All my teammates were comparing how much their parents paid them to mow the lawn. Our coach was a bit mortified. I said, 'I mow the lawn, or else.'
Coach looked at me, and with a smile said, "Sean knows what actual work is."
It was a rare moment of affirmation that I wasn't used to getting.
I also hung out with some of these kids. There was one incident where my friend got in a screaming match with his parents. It ended with him slamming the door in his dad's face after dropping an F-bomb. That wouldn't have gone over well at my house.
There's a healthy level of respect that you should have your elders. It's good for a kid. But again, it wasn't crazy strict. SEAL communities are very teamwork-oriented. It necessitates a level of compassion, an ability to sense how your teammates are doing, and knowing when they are down or weak. That necessity instills a softer side in these guys that translates well to civilian life.
Put more simply, they teach us a lot of lessons that don't involve beating up other kids. Not every nail requires the hammer.
'Why didn't you become a SEAL like your dad?'
New rule. Don't ask that. The question is beat to death. And for inquiring minds, the gene just skipped me. I never felt that calling.
Most team guys don't pressure their kids to be SEALs. I actually can't even name a single son who followed his father's footsteps. I don't even know of another dad who pressured their son to be a SEAL like him.
It's an extreme career path, harder than most know, even after seeing all the movies and TV shows. If you aren't born with a burning desire, a primal urge to be a SEAL, you won't make it. It needs to be your Olympus.
I'd speculate that many fathers feel the same trepidation that a pro athlete feels when their kid pursues a pro-sports career. They know how hard the path is and how many good people came up short. They probably don't want their kid living in their shadow.
Also, serving messes a lot of these guys up. SEALs see a lot of bad stuff and have a lot of bad stuff happen to them. It leaves a lot of scars, many of them hidden.
Sports and athleticism
Most SEAL families I've known are indeed athletic. You won't meet many kids who can't swim. And I haven't met any SEALs, retired, or active, who are significantly overweight.
In the community, staying physically fit is held in high regard. It's seen as a sign of work ethic and discipline. And it can definitely affect your upward mobility.
If my belly started to grow too much, I'd hear noise about it. Heck, I still will. It's given me a tough inner voice that says, 'You are gaining weight. Time to work out.' It's good motivation.
But fitness is a good value to take with you. Getting older isn't for wimps. You need to bring as many good habits with you as you can.
The vow of silence
One of the problems with all the dumb questions about ninja fighting techniques and kill counts is that I don't really know.
My dad was deployed to warzones for literally half my life. He chased war criminals across Yugoslavia. He's spent months in remote, extremely dangerous environments. Anytime there was some crazy situation involving terrorists, he and his guys got the call.
I don't have any illusions that he may have seen and done a few things. After all, it's in the job description. However, anytime I've asked, I've never gotten anywhere close to an answer. I actually stopped asking after childhood because, one, it's kind of rude, and two, because I don't particularly care to know.
Most SEALs take that vow of secrecy very seriously. That is why there is always tension over these books that get written every now and then. It goes against their credos.
The warrior philosophy
'I will never quit. I persevere and thrive on adversity. My Nation expects me to be physically harder and mentally stronger than my enemies. If knocked down, I will get back up, every time. I will draw on every remaining ounce of strength to protect my teammates and to accomplish our mission. I am never out of the fight.' — SEAL Creed.
Most men who become SEALs have an underlying belief that evil exists in this world. They believe that becoming a SEAL grants them a great opportunity to not only rid the world of darkness, but also to protect the vulnerable from those who wish to do them harm.
Being allowed to operate with, arguably, the most elite soldiers in the world is treated as a privilege. They are given access to the best training and equipment available. Their peers are as talented and loyal as one could ask for. Being able to serve and protect is seen as an honor.
This flows into their parenting. They promote humility. They tend to be watchful of who their kids spend their time with. They know the importance of the company you keep. They also tend to have a strong orientation toward right and wrong (again, good vs evil), which they pass down.
But it was never too bad. Growing up with a SEAL dad was a good experience. I have only lived one life, that I know of. Given the choice, I think I'd repeat. Even if I have to deal with a few dumb questions.
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