A rabbi and reverend keep the faith, even in retirement. They host senior meetups

Miami Herald

3 days ago

A rabbi and a reverend walk into a South Florida retirement home and begin talking about topics long forbidden from most family dinner tables: God, religion and politics.
Yes, it sounds like an age-old joke setup but it's actually the premise for a new conversation series held at a South Florida retirement community, Vi at Aventura, led by residents Minister Priscilla Felisky Whitehead and Rabbi Ralph Kingsley. Both have deep roots in South Florida's faith community, and they happen to be longtime friends.
'The whole point of this was to demonstrate that people who call themselves religious, albeit in totally different ways, can come out in the same place and have a sense of commonality between us,' said Kingsley, who served as the rabbi of Temple Sinai in North Dade for 31 years.
The two faith leaders organized the meetup — the first launched last month — to start a dialogue among residents about the role religion plays in life, offering their perspectives from a Christian and Jewish point of view.
Whitehead, who served over two decades at The Church by the Sea in Bal Harbour, emphasized that the leaders are 'seeking connection but not confrontation.'
'We're not here to persuade or to convince others of our positions necessarily,' she said. 'We're here to listen generously.'
In an intimate setting, about 20 residents circled up — some came as a couple — and discussed some of life's tough questions. Such as: What does it mean to be 'religious?' Why do some religions embrace inclusiveness while others believe to be the one true faith? Where is God during recent tragedies like the devastating flood in Texas and the war in Iran.
The topics were heavy, philosophical, but Kingsley and Whitehead kept things light — joking with each other about their tendency to disagree — 'We've been doing that for 36 years,' Whitehead said — despite their shared love for interfaith dialogue.
Kingsley said in his experience as a rabbi, people tend to define religiosity in different ways.
'I've had people come and say, 'I'm not religious, Rabbi,' And yet these are people who will come to synagogue on a fairly regular basis and live a very decent and good life,' he said.
The rabbi would tell his congregants that it's okay to be religious in their own way and even to believe in God in their own way.
'For me the question is not who is God or what is God, but rather the question that Micah asks, What does God require of you?'
The 'business of God'
Passing the microphone around the room, residents began chiming in.
Peter Fuchs, said he grew up Catholic, but was 'persecuted as a Jew,' due to the fact that he had a Jewish mother. He remembers sitting through Latin Catholic masses at school. Today he said he believes in God, but rejected most of the Catholic dogma and traditions that didn't resonate with him.
'Once I got out of there, I couldn't wait to get rid of it. It just bothered me, the guilt, the discomfort of sitting on my knees on benches,' he said. 'The only thing I liked about it was the music. I don't know why I am that way.'
'It's your Jewish mother,' Kingsely joked.
'I've struggled with this business of God for a long time,' Fuchs continued. 'To me, God begins where our understanding of this world ends. There are a lot of things we simply cannot comprehend … So God fills that void where we have to go when we don't understand things. God is basically a part of us.'
Whitehead, who has lead interfaith conversations for years during her involvement with the Miami Coalition of Christians and Jews, (now called Mosaic Miami), said many older people who are facing the 'twilight' stage of their lives begin grappling with questions of faith in new ways.
'Wherever you are on your spiritual journey, that's where God is. That captures it for me, because it builds on a Christian understanding of God's desire to be in a relationship with us.'
Another resident, Barry Glassman, a psychiatrist, said his understanding of religion takes on a more psychological explanation. He explored the function of religion: 'There are so many different religions in the world, so the question is what need does that serve? Not which is the right one.'
He said that humans often seek a higher power due to our need to 'recapture the idealized parental image.' He explained that people seek a protector, a saviour, or 'some power, some help in the universe to make us feel comfortable.'
Veronica Fuchs spoke about a traumatic experience she had with her son and the Catholic church. After her son passed away, she went to therapy seeking help and answers.
'I told her everything that had happened to our son by a priest and this and that, and she said, So what are you going to do about it? I said, I don't know. I'm very angry. I'm very angry, and now that our son is gone, I'm even angrier, because it never got settled,' she said.
The therapist suggested, 'How about you forgive them.'
The conversation at times turned political and topical. Some residents pointed out that many global conflicts have revolved around religion in one way or another.
Arnie Drill raised a similar point, questioning how religions can overcome the idea that there is one true belief system.
'Do we reach a point .. where it gets to the extreme point that it now becomes a negative in our society?' he asked.
Kingsley said this is the million dollar question about religion.
'If we get to a point where our commitment to our own way of life is so encompassing that it shuts out any other way of life. I think that becomes an abuse of religion,' he said.
His view is that 'there is room for other ways of thinking.'
Gwen Rianhard had a more positive take. She said that religions were meant to help humans live in harmony with one another.
'There is a God who created us in the purpose of us being together in love,' she said.
'Something that I find here that's very beautiful, is that we all are here together to spend the rest of our days, and that is so incredible … I love that we're doing this together.'
This story was produced with financial support from Trish and Dan Bell and from donors comprising the South Florida Jewish and Muslim Communities, including Khalid and Diana Mirza, in partnership with Journalism Funding Partners. The Miami Herald maintains full editorial control of this work.