You don't have a culture, you have a clique. 5 ways to work with people who aren't like you

Fast Company

13-05-2025

BY and Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic
Humans, for all our intellectual sophistication, are still tribal creatures at heart. We tend to gravitate toward people who are like us —individuals who look like us, think like us, share our values, and even mirror our quirks and tastes.
On the surface, this makes intuitive sense. It explains the evolutionary origins of empathy: we feel the joys, sorrows, and struggles of others more deeply when we perceive them as part of our own 'in-group.'
But here's the catch: What feels good for individuals can be disastrous for diversity. If left unchecked, our biological instinct to seek sameness undermines one of the core ingredients of high-performing organizations—diversity of thought, experience, and identity.
When everyone around you shares your values, it creates an echo chamber, rewards conformity, and inhibits innovation, which emerges when different perspectives and conflicting ideas transition from a state of tension to a state of harmony. Likewise, homogeneity of values and thoughts blinds us to the talents, ideas, and perspectives of people who might see the world differently—even when they are the key change agents that can help teams and organizations evolve.
Diversity is a survival strategy
Even amid today's backlash against DEI initiatives, smart companies understand that removing barriers for historically marginalized individuals isn't just a moral imperative—it's a strategic advantage. Meritocracy is only possible when individuals are evaluated on what they can do, not how much they conform to the dominant culture.
That means hiring for 'culture fit' —a euphemism for 'people like us'—is fundamentally flawed. If you only let people in who mirror the existing values and norms, you don't have a culture—you have a clique. The goal should be to allow cultural outliers and diverse thinkers not just to join but to thrive.
And that introduces a practical challenge: working with people who don't share your values, including your way of thinking and working. This isn't progress—it's a stagnant loop. You're building your team, your circle, with people who are just like you, which means you're all stuck on the same wavelength. The result? Predictable outcomes and a whole lot of missed opportunities for innovation. You've got a room full of mirrors, not windows. You love others' ideas because they are just like yours.
Success today is less about being true to your own values and more about being open to others' values—even, and arguably especially, when they conflict with yours. Indeed, the ability to question your assumptions, see the world through others' eyes, and remember that just because someone is different doesn't mean they are wrong, or that you are right, which will boost your social skills, and in turn your employability and career success.
The more perspectives we add to a system, the denser its cognitive landscape becomes. Each new viewpoint introduces a different angle, a fresh interpretation—yielding more ideas, more possibilities, and inevitably, more complexity.
This complexity isn't a flaw; it's the cost of a richer, more textured understanding of the world. But it also demands greater mental flexibility—the ability to hold opposing ideas in tension, to think in shades rather than absolutes, and to make decisions amid uncertainty.
So how do you work with people who challenge your most deeply held beliefs?
1. Professionalism over authenticity
For centuries, people have gotten along in professional settings by pretending to like each other, or at least by pretending not to despise each other. This time-honored tradition of civility still works.
You don't have to like everyone. You don't have to agree with everyone. You certainly don't have to invite them over for Sunday brunch. But you do have to work with them respectfully and constructively. This means biting your tongue, smiling when necessary, and keeping your grievances to yourself. Authenticity sounds great—but in a workplace setting, professionalism trumps it.
2. Find common ground
Even if you clash over politics, religion, or lifestyle choices, chances are you can find some common ground. Maybe you're both passionate about the same industry trend. Maybe you both enjoy dark roast coffee. Maybe you both root for underdog sports teams. Think of it like being stuck at an airport bar during a layover. You might sit next to someone who is your ideological opposite—but after 45 minutes and a shared frustration over delayed flights, you find yourselves bonding. Finding common ground is about building bridges of human connection that can support collaboration, even across a chasm of differences. Seek those bridges. They are there.
3. Respect process over outcomes
You won't always agree on what the 'right' answer is. But you can agree on how to get there. Focusing on process—asking questions, debating ideas, testing hypotheses—can depersonalize disagreements. Instead of framing it as 'my values versus your values,' it becomes 'let's figure this out together.' In healthy organizations, the best idea wins —not the loudest voice or the most popular opinion. Respecting the process ensures that diversity of thought isn't just tolerated—it's leveraged.
4. Get comfortable being uncomfortable
Most personal and professional growth happens outside your comfort zone. Working with people who reject your values forces you to examine your beliefs, sharpen your arguments, and sometimes even change your mind. That's not weakness; it's wisdom.
Instead of viewing discomfort as a threat, reframe it as a sign you are learning. Be curious, not defensive. Ask questions, listen actively, and try to understand—not to convert or convince, but to expand your own cognitive tool kit. In a world where the pace of change is relentless and the problems we face are increasingly complex, intellectual humility isn't just a virtue. It's a competitive advantage.
5. Practice rational compassion
Psychologist Paul Bloom argues for rational compassion—the idea that empathy alone can lead to biased, shortsighted decisions, especially when working with people who don't share your values. Instead of relying on raw emotional reactions, rational compassion demands a more deliberate, reasoned approach: recognizing others' needs without being overwhelmed by them, and acting in ways that are fair, sustainable, and strategic. When faced with ideological differences, practicing rational compassion helps maintain respect and effectiveness without slipping into resentment or moral grandstanding. It shifts the focus from feeling good to doing good—even with those we disagree with.
In a tribalized and polarized world, the future belongs to organizations—and individuals—who can collaborate across differences, not despite them but because of them. Working with people who don't share your values is not just a skill; it's a superpower. It requires maturity, empathy, curiosity, and a dash of tactical faking. It forces you to confront your biases, question your certainties, and grow beyond your tribal instincts. And ultimately, it makes you not only a better colleague, but a wiser, more resilient, and more open-minded human being.