What is a ‘soft swap'? How ‘Secret Lives of Mormon Wives' sheds light on a surprising relationship trend

Yahoo

22-05-2025

They're not going all the way — but they're definitely not staying in their lane, either.
Enter the world of 'soft swapping,' the eyebrow-raising relationship trend turning heads on TikTok and turning up on Hulu's steamy series 'The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives.'
At the center of the sultry storm is Taylor Frankie Paul — once the queen of the squeaky-clean 'MomTok' influencer crew — who flipped the script in 2022 when she revealed her Utah clique was engaging in 'soft swinging,' a.k.a. soft swapping.
That's when couples dabble in sexual activities with others — like kissing, groping and even some oral action — but draw the line at full-blown intercourse.
'I feel free, to be honest,' Paul confessed during a TikTok livestream. 'All my dirty secrets are out and I have nothing to hide anymore. We partied, we were intimate with other people.'
Sounds spicy — but it wasn't exactly a recipe for eternal bliss.
According to Paul, the lack of clear rules led to a relationship free-fall, resulting in her divorce from then-husband Tate Paul and fallout with some of her fellow Mormon mom besties.
'It was a secret that we had been keeping from family and other friends,' she added — including her parents.
So what is soft swinging, really? Relationship expert Nicole Moore broke it down, telling Popsugar, 'Soft swinging often involves kissing, touching, and other forms of intimacy, and it's a way for couples to explore their boundaries and interests in nonmonogamy without 'going all the way.''
Think of it as swinging-lite — enough to push boundaries, but not quite break them.
Still, as 'Secret Lives' viewers — and cast members — have noted, things can get murky.
'I just love how it's like, 'OK, we can do everything but sex so it's fine,' but it's like, no, you're sucking someone's d–k,' co-star Jessi Ngatikaura famously deadpans in season one.
Soft swapping may be new to Hulu, but it's old news to Gen Z.
A 2023 Ashley Madison survey found that 59% of Gen Zers want an open or polyamorous relationship, and 65% think those setups lead to fuller romantic lives — while nearly half say a single partner just doesn't cut it in bed.
'In the past, people couldn't wrap their head around polyamory not being tied to infidelity,' New York-based social worker and life coach Francesca Maximé told The Post.
'Social media really normalizes having the kind of relationship you find fulfilling, however it's constructed.'
Gen Z's always-online ethos and endless access to new people (and porn) has helped them embrace non-monogamy — or at least talk about it openly.
'There is certainly a new perspective in terms of how we look at relationships and what it means to be in a committed one,' psychologist Dr. Michele Leno also told The Post.
'Open relationships are nothing new, although our willingness to openly talk about them is a fairly recent trend.'
Still, these anything-goes arrangements can mask deeper emotional struggles.
'I feel both extremes have the same underlying concern, and that it is a fear of vulnerability,' sociologist Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus revealed to The Post.