Our dogs have a human problem, and it's becoming a pet hate

Sydney Morning Herald

a day ago

If you have a dog, love a dog, want a dog, support all things dog, maybe think of life from the dog's point of view.
The dog's in the front yard. A stranger in head-achey dayglo comes along with a suspicious parcel. Sensing a threat to her beloved owner, the dog growls – first warning. She barks – second warning. And now, the dayglo suspect hasn't backed off, so that's it, sunshine, you've left the dog with no choice.
Australia Post reports 44 'dog-related incidents' each week nationally, a sharp increase since the pet population has rocketed up to 4.7 million in NSW alone. With posties being attacked by breeds from the pit bull to the poodle, Australia Post is fighting back by equipping them with citronella spray, which is the Pal version of capsicum spray. This is reported as a dog problem, when it's not.
To avoid more dog-related incidents with the postie, the owner locks the dog inside all day. She begins hearing things. A dog whistle, or is that Tony Abbott? She hears other dogs barking. Someone shouts, 'Bad dog!'. She hears a knock at the door. Jehovah's Witness? Another parcel-wielding terrorist? What's a dog to do? Without the option of a bite, all she has is her bark. Barking, too, is described as a dog problem, when it's not. It's a human problem.
The human, thinking it's a good and well-trained owner, takes the dog for a walk. The dog is excited, so she does an excitement poo. The human has done the right thing and has brought a roll of poo bags, but just now it's on an important phone call and doesn't see the excitement poo, which remains like an unexploded mine on the footpath. Another human problem that will be blamed on the dog.
They continue to the park. Being well-behaved, the owner lets the dog off the leash. Run free, Sparkie! But now there are other humans barking at the owner, who takes Sparkie to the off-leash dog park. There, Sparkie sniffs a savoury assortment of friendship rings, which put her in the mood for another excitement poo. This time, the owner is playing Wordle, and misses another poo. To be honest, the owner doesn't much like the warm feeling of picking up poo and is relieved that Sparkie hasn't done any today.
But now another human is barking and pointing, and the owner-human is barking back, and someone is cursing and using a stick to remove something from the sole of its shoe. More human problems. (Sparkie is smart enough not to tread in dog poo.)
The human takes Sparkie to Coles. She gets shooed out – no dogs. For relief from this continuous conflict, the human takes Sparkie to its favourite pub, The Dog, but there's a sign: 'The Dog. No Dogs'. So they go to a café with outdoor seating. The human gets a Vegemite and avocado roll. Sparkie's salivary glands go into full flow. The loving human companion shares its roll with Sparkie, who does what any dog would do, down in one gulp, too excited to chew. More problem humans begin barking at each other.