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A Disabled Veteran Was Getting Publishers Clearing House Prize Money. Then the Company Went Bust.

A Disabled Veteran Was Getting Publishers Clearing House Prize Money. Then the Company Went Bust.

This February, Tamar and Matthew Veatch were expecting their annual six-figure Publishers Clearing House 'forever' prize payment to arrive, as it had for the past four years. It never came.
The couple, both disabled Army veterans from Cottage Grove, Ore., reached out to the sweepstakes operator and were told that the payment, just under $200,000 after tax, for Tamar's annuity prize would resume in July, on a quarterly schedule. Then, in April, PCH filed for bankruptcy, listing 10 prize winners among its largest unsecured creditors, court records show. Eight of those were owed more than $2 million each, though their names were redacted for privacy. And the promised July payment to Tamar failed to arrive.
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Carolyn Hax: Discouraged partner thinks they're ‘abjectly failing' as parents
Carolyn Hax: Discouraged partner thinks they're ‘abjectly failing' as parents

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Carolyn Hax: Discouraged partner thinks they're ‘abjectly failing' as parents

Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: I was pretty stunned last week when my partner told me, in all seriousness, that they think we are 'abjectly failing' as parents. I think we're rocking it! Our kids are loved. They are up-to-date on vaccinations and always have clean clothes. We have pillow fights! We talk about consent! Yes, our house is messy, but a cleaner comes in twice a month to keep it from getting feral. Yes, dinner might often be fish fingers or Wendy's, but the fish fingers or Wendy's are always served with fresh veggies. We speak to our kids gently, read to them nightly, take family walks and avoid all screens. When I asked what 'successful parenting' would look like, partner said we would 'never be stressed, eat healthy food all the time,' and one of us would be able to quit our job to dedicate ourselves entirely to housework and child care. Kids are currently in a licensed, accredited day care. Partner said we should have a road map to the kids' college careers already in place, including high school placements and extracurriculars, and be exercising daily. All of that is apparently the 'bare minimum.' That's … nuts, right? Are these standards that any parents, aside from TikTok influencers, are actually meeting? — This Is Failure? This Is Failure?: Social media is the devil. Even if you're padding your accomplishments a little, you're still killing it as parents by any objective, not-incredibly-toxically-monetizedly stupid measure. I know I'm answering your partner through you, but I'm just flapping my arms too hard to answer any other way. These objectives aren't just about being realistic or not cracking under self-imposed pressure; they're about being well-adjusted. That teaches kids to handle real life on their own. Will they know how to manage stress and failure; coexist with junk food without hang-ups; build connections within and beyond family to meet their emotional needs; juggle work, housework, relationships and play; learn about themselves incrementally and age-appropriately until they choose their own path; and approach life holistically vs. as a bunch of boxes to check? This is what you're after. Your kids also, ah, need abundant support, guidance and good role models for withstanding mass- and social-media influences everywhere — urgently, if one parent is as mired as you suggest. It's a blunt instrument, but consider deleting apps. Good luck. Re: Parenting: To my untrained eye, this sounds like anxiety, a lot of it. I would suggest your spouse detach from social media or mute all parenting influencers/accounts. — Anonymous Anonymous: Thanks. Another reader suggested depression, also a possibility. Or both. Re: Parenting: Literally no one has a stress-free life where they eat healthy 100 percent of the time. Also, my mom quit her job to be a stay-at-home parent because she thought that is what you were supposed to do, and she became visibly depressed and anxious. None of us have kids because it was so obviously a miserable thing to do. — No Kids No Kids: Oh dear. That's an unintended consequence of unusual size. I'm sorry.

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