'Is a Canadian team even allowed to win me anymore?' The imagined thoughts of the Stanley Cup
This week saw the beginning of the Stanley Cup finals, which sees the Edmonton Oilers in contention to potentially become the first Canadian team since 1993 to win the NHL championship trophy.
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In Dear Diary, the National Post satirically re-imagines a week in the life of a newsmaker. This week, Tristin Hopper takes a journey inside the thoughts of the Dominion Hockey Challenge Cup. Or, as its more commonly known, the Stanley Cup.
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Monday
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Life comes at you fast. One minute you're a donated silver cup being fought over by toothless Canadian amateurs fresh from a shift at the dockyards. The next, you're a heavily trademarked corporate laurel that spends most of its time around American millionaires.
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I've been to the White House so often I've got my own Secret Service code name. I've been filled with hot wings and Kristall liqueur more times than I can count. There are times I catch myself spelling 'colour' without the 'u.' I stared in the mirror for several minutes at the Dominion Hockey Challenge Cup inscription on my bowl. How often do I forget it's even there.
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Tuesday
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I'll be frank; I didn't know Canadian teams were still technically able to win me. I figured Canada had lost a war or something, and as a condition of the surrender they had to forsake access to their most treasured cultural object.
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That's how these things usually go, right? That's why the Mona Lisa, an Italian cultural treasure, is in France. It's why Egypt's Rosetta Stone is in the U.K.
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So to learn that the Oilers merely have to win some hockey games to get me back is quite surprising. I thought my return to Canadian soil could come only at the conclusion of some devastating internecine conflagration.
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Wednesday
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The answer is, no. The last I heard from any of them was when the Roland Michener Tuna Fishing Trophy tried to borrow money. Do I think I'm better than them? Yes. As much as I respect the emerging sport of Dragon Boat racing, I would controversially contend that the Ramon John Hnatyshyn Dragon Boating Cup doesn't inspire the heart of young athletes in quite the same way as I do.
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Thursday
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I would remind people that I continue to spend a disproportionate amount of time with Canadians. It's just that these particular Canadians live in the United States, work for U.S. companies, are paid in U.S. dollars and have married Americans (blondes, mostly).
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