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A Tomb Once Said to Hold ‘Jesus's Midwife' Might Instead Hold Ancient Royalty

A Tomb Once Said to Hold ‘Jesus's Midwife' Might Instead Hold Ancient Royalty

Yahoo06-06-2025
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Here's what you'll learn when you read this story:
For centuries, a cave near Jerusalem was believed by Christian pilgrims to be the tomb of an attendant to the birth of Christ.
Salome is depicted in the apocryphal Gospel of James as doubting the 'virgin birth' only to repent and be visited by angels.
A new study suggests that the Salome buried in this tomb was, in fact, not the apocryphal Biblical figure, but rather the younger sister of Judean king Herod the Great.
This story is a collaboration with Biography.com
For centuries, a subset of Christian pilgrims have journeyed to a cave southwest of Jerusalem in Israel referred to as the 'Cave of Salome,' due to its asserted connection to a figure associated with Jesus of Nazareth. Now, a new study in the Israel Antiquities Authority's journal 'Atiqot posits that this cave does serve as a tomb to someone named Salome, but not the one it's long been purported to have been. Rather than the Biblical figure sometimes described as 'Jesus' midwife,' the tomb might have held a figure of Judean royalty.
But if you've only read the four canonical Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, you might find yourself wondering just who this Salome was supposed to be in the first place (while there is a Salome briefly alluded to in Mark 15:40 said to be present at the crucifixion, this is not the Salome in question). For that, we need to dip into a subset of Christian texts known as 'the apocrypha.'
Given the underground origins of Christianity amidst the Roman Empire, it's no surprise that there was not one single written text relied upon to spread the word of the new faith. Even the four Gospels widely considered part of the Biblical Canon are traditionally believed to have been originally composed with different audiences in mind (Matthew wrote for those with a familiarity with Jewish tradition while Mark for a Roman audience, for example).
This means that there are an array of texts, both extant and lost, that offer different, divergent, and at times even contradictory tellings of the story of Jesus than those that were ultimately determined by church bodies to be the 'canonical' works.
One particular and prominent subset of these are what is called the 'infancy gospels,' stories of Jesus during his childhood. Little is said of Jesus' youth in the four canonical gospels, with only Matthew and Luke mentioning the story of his birth, and Luke alone including a single anecdote of a child Jesus visiting a Temple (Luke 2:41-52). But the apocryphal infancy gospels contain a wide array of events allegedly involving a child Jesus, including a confrontation with a literal dragon (the Gospel of Pseudo-Matthew).
One of these texts, the apocryphal Gospel of James, introduces the character of Salome. While Salome is present for the birth of Jesus in this text, she was not actually 'Jesus' midwife.' Rather, this gospel depicts the actual midwife during Jesus' birth, referred to only by her title of 'Emea,' crying out to Salome about the virgin birth she had witnessed, only for Salome to dismiss it:
'And the midwife went forth of the cave and Salome met her. And she said to her: Salome, Salome, a new sight have I to tell thee. A virgin hath brought forth, which her nature alloweth not. And Salome said: As the Lord my God liveth, if I make not trial and prove her nature I will not believe that a virgin hath brought forth.'
Salome then goes to witness the newborn child herself and decries her earlier doubts, seeking atonement, and is visited by an angel, healed, and told not to speak of what she had witnessed 'until the child enter into Jerusalem.' Some scholars point to this story of Salome as a predecessor and/or parallel to the more famous story, post-Resurrection, of Doubting Thomas.
As Live Science reports, the aforementioned Cave of Salome gained its religious reputation when an ossuary, a casket filled with bones, was discovered in that cave bearing the name Salome. Adherents to the Gospel of James took to attributing these bones, and therefor the tomb that held them, as belonging to the Salome of the birth story, and began making pilgrimages there. As Live Science notes, those pilgrimages were a common enough occurrence that they continued for two hundred years after the area had been conquered by the Islamic Caliphate in the 7th century.
The cave was excavated in 1984, where they found 'hundreds of clay oil lamps from the eighth and ninth centuries, which archaeologists think were sold to Christian pilgrims so they would have light while exploring the dark cave.' But to determine who might really have been interred in this tomb, the 2025 IAA study, co-authored by Vladik Lifshits and Nir-Shimshon Paran, they looked not at what had been left within the tomb, but rather how the tomb itself had been constructed:
'Lifshits noted the monumental architecture — including a large courtyard at the entrance — indicated that a member of the royal family may have been buried there. The authors also discovered the remains of several luxurious villas nearby, which indicates the site once belonged to a very wealthy family.'
Their study suggests the possibility that the Salome in question may not have been connected to Jesus' birth, but rather to a different figure who factors into the story of the young Jesus: Herod I, also known as Herod the Great.
Biblical tradition holds that Herod I, who ruled from 37 B.C. to 4 B.C., ordered the death of all male babies in Bethlehem, but no objective historical evidence has yet emerged that supports that particular tale. Instead, what is known about Herod I, as Live Science recounts, are his contributions to the kingdom he oversaw: 'For example, he was a prolific builder who restored the decrepit Second Temple on the Temple Mount, and the massive rock walls he had built are still standing today as the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem.'
The study asserts that the Salome buried within the cave was Herod I's younger sister, who died in approximately 10AD. This Salome is not to be confused with Herod I's granddaughter who also bore that name. That Salome, recorded in the Bible as ordering the beheading of John the Baptist, would later be immortalized in an array of fictional works like Oscar Wilde's 1893 play and the subsequent 1905 opera by Richard Strauss.
When Live Science spoke to Boaz Zissu of Israel's Bar-Ilan University, a scholar unaffiliated with the study, they conceded that 'The authors correctly identify the original phase as a monumental tomb belonging to local elites of the Herodian period' but suggested 'more rigorous evidential support' was required before it could be firmly established to be the tomb of Salome.
For their part, study co-author Vladik Lifshits conceded as much. 'It's not that I think it must be the tomb of Salome the sister of Herod,' Lifshits told Live Science. 'I'm suggesting that this is one of the possibilities.'
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Medieval knight's complete skeleton discovered beneath Polish ice cream parlor
Medieval knight's complete skeleton discovered beneath Polish ice cream parlor

Yahoo

time10 hours ago

  • Yahoo

Medieval knight's complete skeleton discovered beneath Polish ice cream parlor

Archaeologists have discovered the remains of a medieval knight, buried under a shuttered ice cream parlor in the Polish city of Gdańsk. Experts have been working at the site in the historic Śródmieście (city center) district since 2023, and initially uncovered a medieval tombstone decorated with the carved image of a knight, according to a statement from Polish archaeology firm ArcheoScan, sent to CNN on Tuesday. The tombstone was then lifted earlier in July, revealing the complete skeleton of an adult male, thought to have lived around the 13th or 14th century. The find is of 'exceptional significance' and 'one of the most important archaeological discoveries in Poland in recent years,' Sylwia Kurzyńska, archaeologist and director of ArcheoScan, said in the statement. The tombstone is made from Gotland limestone, which was highly prized in the Middle Ages, and the relief depicts a knight sporting chainmail armor and mail leggings, with a sword and a shield. The slab measures around 150 centimeters (4' 11') in length, and important details of the artwork can still be seen, despite the fact that it is partially damaged. 'The tombstone is remarkably well preserved, considering it was carved from soft limestone and lay underground for centuries,' said Kurzyńska. 'The knight is shown standing upright with an uplifted sword — a posture likely symbolizing authority and elevated social status,' she added. This marks the tombstone out from the vast majority of late medieval sepulchral art, which tended to be limited to inscribed epitaphs, heraldic panels or Christian crosses, according to Kurzyńska. 'Only a small fraction included depictions of the deceased — and among these, most were simplified engravings on flat slabs designed for church floor use,' she added. It is also unusual in that both the artwork and its archaeological context remain intact. After lifting the stone, archaeologists found the remains of a man who stood 170-180 centimeters (5' 7' - 5' 11') tall, far larger than the medieval average, according to Kurzyńska. The bones were arranged naturally, confirming that the tombstone marked the original burial site, and preliminary analysis indicates 'excellent preservation,' she said. 'Although no grave goods were found, all available evidence suggests that the deceased was a person of high social standing — most likely a knight or commander held in particularly high esteem and respect,' said Kurzyńska. The grave was part of a cemetery housing almost 300 burials, which was attached to the oldest known church in Gdańsk. The church was built from oak found to have been felled in 1140, and was located in an early medieval stronghold occupied from the late 11th century to the early 14th century, according to the statement. 'This was a place of power, faith, and burial — a space of symbolic and strategic significance in the history of Gdańsk,' said Kurzyńska. The latest find 'offers an invaluable source of knowledge about the lives and deaths of Gdańsk's military elite in the 13th and 14th centuries, about medieval funerary traditions, and about cross-Baltic cultural connections,' she added. Experts are now working on further analysis of both the tombstone and the skeleton. The stone slab is being cleaned and stabilized so that it can be documented and 3D scanned to allow for the digital reconstruction of missing fragments, while the skeleton will undergo anthropological and genetic analysis to reveal more about the knight's life, and a facial reconstruction will be made based on the skull. Sign up for CNN's Wonder Theory science newsletter. Explore the universe with news on fascinating discoveries, scientific advancements and more. Solve the daily Crossword

When You Don't Look Like Anything
When You Don't Look Like Anything

Atlantic

time17 hours ago

  • Atlantic

When You Don't Look Like Anything

1950–73: 'Don't Stare' There was ambivalence about performers in my family. Part of this was caused by middle-class-Negro hypervigilance about drawing attention, especially bad attention. I still get nervous when children are out of control in public. Growing up in 1960s Baltimore, my siblings and I did not dare be out of control in public. In our wildest dreams we could not have imagined a meltdown in, say, Hutzler's department store, where colored people were not allowed to try on clothes, or to return items that didn't work out. When my aunt Esther and I went shopping, she'd throw me her sit-up-straight eye. As Baltimore began to be less segregated, she went to exceptionally fancy stores. I remember sitting in a chic, hushed fur salon, straining not to do anything that would draw attention to myself as she tried on a mink stole. My inhibitions weren't only about race; they were also about sin. My maternal grandmother was a Billy Graham–loving evangelical Christian. Grandma's effect was far-reaching. We lived all the way across town, and my parents were not evangelical. Yet we were not allowed to dance on Sunday. I learned very early that one of my behaviors was unacceptable: staring. 'Don't stare.' 'Close your mouth.' Staring was impolite. I should especially refrain from staring at white people. Stop looking at them. They are not interested in you. Why are you so interested in them? But I couldn't help myself: I stared at everyone, of every color, especially everyone who was different from me in some way. But Grandma was also interested in white people. She arranged for my brother Deaver and me to attend a Christian camp in Pennsylvania, where I believe we were the only colored children. Deaver, then 6, had blue eyes and light-tan hair. As we packed for camp, family and friends made much of the fact that people would probably not really know that Deaver was a little colored boy. He'd be okay. They said less about how I would fare. But it turned out all right. I have no bad memories, except for the one about the white girl who tried to wash my hair. The result was, as we Black women say, 'hair all over my head,' and my mother was beside herself about this when she came to pick me up. And yet Grandma's preoccupation with sin didn't keep her from being crazy about Sweetheart, who in many ways was transgressive. Grandma and Sweetheart were about the same age. They had grown up like sisters, though Sweetheart was actually Grandma's niece. Sweetheart had left Baltimore in her 20s, gone to New York, passed as 'Spanish,' become a chorus girl, and was 'kept' (by a man). She left her daughter with Grandma, who already had eight children of her own. Sweetheart then moved to that faraway place with movie stars and Disneyland—California. She was gorgeous, charming, and funny. She sparkled. When she periodically returned to Baltimore, in fur coats and always with a different boyfriend, she was received like royalty. I never said more than the required 'Hello, Auntie' before vanishing into another room. I was intimidated by her glamour. But when I found myself in San Francisco in the early 1970s, I sought her out. I'd left Baltimore in September 1971 with $80 and an overnight bag, looking for the revolution. The revolution was finished on the East Coast, but embers of it still glowed out West. I made my way up the coast from San Diego, stopping in Belmont, California, then a humdrum town not far from the airport where single stewardesses and the like lived in flat apartment buildings with tiny swimming pools. I worked for a year at a drive-in movie theater until I landed a job coordinating tutors at a junior college. My boss and his wife were Black, proud, and beautiful. They looked like they'd stepped out of a Hollywood movie. As activists who'd participated in the upheaval at Berkeley, they emanated late-'60s glamour. Dave never sat behind his desk, choosing instead to perch on a counter, puffing on a cigarillo, musing philosophically or railing against injustice. Jazz played in the background. The point of everything, he told me, was to change the world! He had a plan for me: 'You need to get your Ph.D.!' In what? 'Education!' I continued north to San Francisco. I was on a lark, with no place to live, and no real plan, but San Francisco was a lot more alive than Belmont. It was enchanting! The bay, the fog, the chill, the cable cars! I felt inspired—but to do what, I had no idea. I tried to get a job volunteering as a stage manager at a theater in town, only to learn that it was a union house. But I saw that they offered acting classes, so I decided to try one, just for fun. I auditioned and somehow was accepted. I hadn't realized the place was a serious conservatory—turned out I'd have to go to school all day. Sweetheart and Eddie, her third or fourth husband, picked me up at the Greyhound station. Eddie, Chinese American, was a former chef who spoiled us nightly with delicious meals. His English appeared to be minimal, but it was hard to tell, because Auntie, now 80, and still sparkling, was a nonstop raconteur. The tenant in Auntie's basement apartment had just left, so I took it, for $75 a month. I was the least likely person to wind up in a conservatory to study acting. I had no idea that people actually 'studied' acting in the way that was unfolding in front of me. My classmates pirouetted down the hallways of the school. They sang Broadway tunes as they strode up and down the hills of San Francisco. From the March 2024 issue: How a playwright became one of the most incisive social critics of our time One evening when I came home from acting class, Sweetheart handed me a letter from Grandma, who by then had been overtaken by dementia. 'I hear you want to become an actress,' she had written in a messy scrawl. 'Please don't take off your clothes. Here's five dollars, buy yourself a new dress. Love, Grandma.' Grandma's effect was still far-reaching. Part of me wondered if what I was doing was sinful. I put the $5 in my pocket, and taped the letter inside my journal. If I was the least likely person to end up at that conservatory, the most likely person was a tall woman with a Philadelphia Main Line accent and vocal resonance. She looked like Katharine Hepburn. Everything she did had a sense of urgency. One night she rushed into the café where we'd planned to have a cheap dinner and said: 'Beethoven's Ninth starts in a few minutes at the cathedral! Let's go.' We bolted the five blocks to Grace Cathedral, on Nob Hill. After only the first two words of 'Ode to Joy' — O Freunde —my perpetual sense of non-belongingness was transformed into a sense of oneness. I was one with the chorus. I was one with the music. I was one with it all. The next morning, my forehead was on fire. 'Can a performance give you the flu?' I asked our yoga teacher. She assured me that all was well. I had no disease. My chakras were opening and Beethoven was the cause. 1976: 'You Don't Look Like Anything' The acting class turned into a three-year commitment at the American Conservatory Theater, where I completed an M.F.A. in acting. When you finished conservatory and hit the road, your first stop was an agent's office. I walked into the office of an agent who had a deal to meet the few of us who knew nothing about the business. I'd barely sat down on the couch when she stated perfunctorily: 'I won't be able to send you out.' Long pause. 'You will antagonize my clients.' 'Antagonize?' 'You don't look like anything.' Another long pause. 'Will you go as Black or white?' This is when I finally got it, about the staring. Stop looking at them. Why are you so interested in them? They are not interested in you. About 20 years ago, I met a bull rider from Shoshone, Idaho, named Brent Williams. Here's a photo of him, by the great photographer Diana Walker. We was in West Jordan, Utah. And I had this bull shove my face right into the metal chutes. Some buddies drove me to the hospital. Took, like, five hours to sew me up. When they straightened my nose, I had to be at a rodeo that night. I didn't really wanna go under the anesthesia, or however you say that word. So I told 'em just to do it without it. They shove these two rods up your nose, and work their way up, and that straightens your nose all up. Felt like they was shoving it clear through my brains and it was gonna come out the top of my head. And everyone that saw it, they said it should have killed me. Shove my face right into the metal chutes: Over the past two decades, I've said those words thousands of times. But it wasn't until a few months ago that Brent's words knocked on the door of my subconscious and released a memory into full consciousness: 'You don't look like anything.' Long pause. 'Will you go as Black or white?' A Shoshone bull rider gave me the words to express what I'd felt on that agent's couch. The casting couch holds many different kinds of offenses. 1977: New Rhythms, New Intentions A simple A-frame building with a huge wraparound porch in the Sierras near Lake Tahoe, California, was the headquarters of the Squaw Valley Community of Writers, a week-long conference where wannabe writers like me enjoyed tutorials with big shots: poets, novelists, screenwriters, directors. The place was peppered with East Coast literati, but the vibe wasn't as pretentious as a certain East Coast theater workshop I'd attended where one of the directors walked around with a cigarette holder and a coat over his shoulders. No need to genuflect to Frank Pierson, who'd won the Best Screenplay Oscar for Dog Day Afternoon and been nominated for another, for Cool Hand Luke. No hush fell when Sam Shepard ambled into the beat-up saloon, and made his way to the pool table. I was in the hang on the wraparound porch when a car full of poet-teachers crossed the field and stopped in front of us. A rail-thin poet-teacher stepped out. He looked like a monk who'd been on a month-long fast. The guy had presence. He gave a public reading. I sat in the front row—nothing between us but a music stand. One of his poems was quite brief but, like Beethoven's 'Ode,' it caused a physical reaction. The next morning, all my muscles were sore, as if I'd just done a massive full-body workout or been beat up. Or was it the flu? At the welcome cocktail party that night, I walked right up to the poet and told him that I'd woken up with aching muscles and that I thought his poem was the cause. His face lit up. 'That's because I wrote that poem as a curse against my ex-wife.' he stated. The power of language comes from its intention. 'Ode to Joy,' with lyrics from Friedrich Schiller's poem, had been full of good intentions. The poet's poem was full of bad intentions. His poem was written to make somebody feel some pain. As I developed my own artistic approach in the years to come, I never forgot this. 1979: Gatekeepers and 'Hostile Circumstances' I'm in my fifth-floor walk-up in New York City. I'm living gig by gig now because I chose to leave a very fine tenure-track position at an excellent university for the sake of my 'art.' Freed from the demands of being junior faculty, I walk dogs. I work as a temp in a JCPenney basement office. I work in the complaint department at KLM Airlines. (The complaint department was crucial to my development as a dramatist. Those letters of complaint were filled with drama and emotion.) One Sunday morning I hear two unusual voices coming out of the radio. By now my study of people's speech and its effect has become for me a lifelong project. Drawn to the rhythmic differences in their vocal patterns, I grab a tape recorder and press 'Record.' Turns out, the interview had originally taken place in 1959. This is a five-minute extract of a 20-minute conversation. Mike Wallace: Our guest was an unknown, unpublished writer until early this year, when her play A Raisin in the Sun came to Broadway. And was voted by the New York Drama Critics as the best play of the year. Better even than plays by Tennessee Williams, Archibald MacLeish, and Eugene O'Neill. And now to our story. One night, Lorraine Hansberry, a girl who had dabbled in writing, made a brash announcement to her husband. She was going to sit down and write an honest and accurate drama about Negroes. John Chapman, the drama critic for the New York Daily News, wrote that he has great respect for your play, but he feels that part of the acclaim may be a sentimental reaction—an admirable 'gesture,' I think is the way that he put it—to the fact that you are a Negro, and one of the few Negroes ever to have written a good Broadway play. Lorraine Hansberry: I've heard this alluded to in other ways—I didn't see Mr. Chapman's piece. I would imagine that if I were given the award because they wanted to give it to a Negro, it'd be the first time in the history of this country that anyone had ever been given anything for being a Negro. I don't think it's a very complimentary assessment of an honest piece of a work. Or of his colleagues' intent. Wallace: Well, let me quote him. He said, 'If one sets aside the one unusual fact that it is a Negro work, A Raisin in the Sun becomes no more than a solid and enjoyable commercial play.' Hansberry: Well, I've heard this said, too. I don't know quite what people mean. If they are trying honestly to analyze a play, dramaturgically, there's no such assessment; you can't say that if you take away the American character of something then it just becomes, you know, something else … The Negro character of these people is intrinsic to the play; it's important to it. If it's a good play, it's good with that. Wallace: Is it fair to say that even in proportion, very few Negroes have distinguished themselves … as playwrights, novelists, and poets? … How come? Hansberry: Whether they've distinguished themselves is kind of difficult to discuss because we always have to keep in mind the circumstances and the framework that Negroes do anything in America—which of course is a hostile circumstance. We've been writing poetry since, you know, the 17th century in this country, been writing plays that simply never see the light of day, because the circumstance, as I say, is hostile. Wallce: But the same is not true in the case of Negro athletes, Negro entertainers. Hansberry: Yes, well— Wallace: I think in proportion there are more of them who become hugely successful. Hansberry: Yes, of course, because one of the features of American racism is that it has a particular place where it allows Negroes to express themselves! We're not very warm to the idea of Negro intellectual exploration of any kind in this country. We presume, or at least the racists do—not me—that it's all right to display physical or musical or other features like that, but don't go writing and don't go trying to suggest that anything cerebral is within our sphere, you see … There're any number of professional playwrights who simply don't get their scripts read by Broadway producers. So I'd be the last person to say that it's because they write poorly. An awful lot of poor scripts get to Broadway and, uh, I don't think that's the reason why theirs don't. Wallace: What is the reason why theirs don't? Hansberry: Racial discrimination in the industry, of course. Daniel Pollack-Pelzner: The theater world has never understood Lorraine Hansberry The relationship between the gatekeepers and those of us who do not fit their picture depends on, to use Miss Hansberry's word, circumstances. In 1993, 34 years after that recording was made, Toni Morrison would win the Nobel Prize. This would change how Black-women writers and intellectuals are regarded, and significantly open up opportunities for them. It did for me. 1979: Chasing That Which Is Not Me While still at acting school, I'd sought new dramatic forms. At that time, the American playwrights who were getting their work produced were white heterosexual-presenting males. Like others across the country, but not so many at my conservatory, I thought that our art form could benefit from fewer stereotypes, and from greater particularity, more physical details in characters who lived on our stages. I also thought the sonic life of the theater could use new rhythms, new intentions—like when bebop emerged on the jazz scene. I drew inspiration from something my grandfather used to say when we were kids: 'If you say a word often enough, it becomes you.' In 1979, I set out with a tape recorder to record unique voices, unique stories, with the intention of becoming American word for word. My tape recorder was soon an appendage. I would interview people around the country, especially in moments of disruption and discord. It was in those moments that people spoke in sometimes-profound ways—as they tried to make sense out of disarray, tried to put together the exploded fragments of assumptions that follow catastrophe. This required chasing that which is not me. It was a chase that would never end. I called the overall project, which now includes about 18 plays (the first 12 never made it to major stages), ' On the Road: A Search for American Character.' It meant embodying the words of people who were very different from me and with whom I did not agree, and absorbing them into my heart. What have I learned after interviewing thousands of Americans? Most do believe 'you can make it if you try.' Even rebellion is a sign of belief in that credo. Why protest for fairness, equality, and dignity if you don't think those things can exist? The Martinican poet and philosopher Édouard Glissant, a close comrade of Frantz Fanon, left revolution behind in favor of what he called the 'poetics of relation.' 'Sometimes,' Glissant wrote, 'by taking up the problems of the Other, it is possible to find oneself.' The not-me and the me are related. In my work, my goal was to get to us. April 12, 2015: 'Just a Glance' Freddie Gray is arrested and beaten. He dies in police custody. The beating is filmed. Riots explode in Baltimore. I interview the man who took the video, Kevin Moore: The screams was what woke me outta my sleep. So I jumped up and threw some clothes on and went out to see what was going on. And then I came out that way, and I'm like, 'Holy shit!' They had him all bent up and he was handcuffed and, like, face down on his stomach. But they had the heels of his feet, like, almost in his back? And he was handcuffed at the time. And they had the knee in the neck, and that pretty much explains the three cracked vertebrae and crushed larynx, 80 percent of his spinal cord being severed and stuff. And then when they picked him up, I had to zoom in to get a closer look at his face. You could see the pain in his face. On Mount Street, [they] pulled him out again! To put leg shackles on him. You put leg shackles on a man that could barely walk to the paddy wagon? Then you toss him in the back of the paddy wagon like a dead animal. You know what I'm saying? Then you don't even put a seat belt on him. So basically, he's handcuffed, shackled, sliding back and forth in a steel cage, basically. I was like, Man, somebody has to see this. You know what I mean? I have to film this. I just basically called every news station that I could and just got the video out there! I asked Moore what triggered the incident. Eye contact. That's how the officers, I guess, wrote the paperwork: that Freddie made eye contact. And he looked suspicious. Oh. 'And that gave us probable cause to' … do whatever. We know the truth, y'know what I'm saying? Just a glance. The eye-contact thing, it's like a trigger. That's all it takes here in Baltimore—just a glance. 'Just a glance.' Don't stare. Why are you so interested in those people? They are not interested in you. 2018: Brokenness and the Promise of Fairness I'm in Montgomery, Alabama, to do my pilgrimage to the National Memorial for Peace and Justice —commonly known as the 'lynching memorial.' While there I am going to interview Bryan Stevenson, its founder. From a distance, the memorial is beautiful and majestic. In close proximity to the columns that constitute the memorial, a story of terror unfolds. There are 800 steel columns, each representing a county. On the columns are etched the names of people who were lynched there. Here's a portion of what Stevenson told me: Some of these were what we call 'public-spectacle lynchings,' where thousands of people came downtown and watched Black men, women, and children being burned alive. Some of these lynchings are as recent as 1949, 1950. I had a case not that long ago where we tried to stop an execution. The man was scheduled to be executed in 30 days. And I learned that he suffered from intellectual disability. Our courts have banned the execution of people with intellectual disability. And so we went to the trial court and said, 'You can't execute him. He's intellectually disabled.' And the trial court said, 'Too late. You should have raised that years ago.' And I went to the state court, and they said, 'Too late.' The appeals court said, 'Too late.' The federal court said, 'Too late.' Every court I went to said, 'Too late.' And we went to the U.S. Supreme Court, and they reviewed our motion, and about an hour before the scheduled execution, the clerk called me and said, 'Yeah, the Supreme Court's going to deny your motion. You're too late.' And I got on the phone with this man and I said, 'I'm so sorry, but I can't stop this execution.' He started to cry. It's literally 50 minutes before the execution, I'm holding the phone, and the man is just sobbing. And then he said, 'Please don't hang up. There's something important I have to say to you.' And he tried to say something to me, but in addition to being intellectually disabled, he stuttered when nervous. He was trying to say something, but he couldn't get his words out. Tears were just running down my face. And then he said to me: 'Mr. Stevenson, I want to thank you for representing me. I want to thank you for fighting for me.' The last thing he said to me was, 'Mr. Stevenson, I love you for trying to save my life.' He hung up the phone. They pulled him away. They strapped him to a gurney. They executed him. And I thought: I can't do this anymore. I just can't. Something about it just shattered me. And I was thinking about how broken he was, and I just couldn't understand: Why do we want to kill broken people? What is it about us that when we see brokenness, we get angry? All of my clients are broken people. I represent the broken. Everybody I represent has been broken by poverty or disability or addiction or racism. And then I realized that the system I work in is a broken system. And in that moment something said, You better think about why you do what you do if you're not gonna do it anymore. And it was in that moment that I realized why I do what I do. And it surprised me. I don't do what I do because I've been trained as a lawyer. I don't do what I do because it's about human rights. I don't do what I do because if I don't do it, no one will. I do what I do because I'm broken, too. It's in brokenness that we understand our need for grace, our need for mercy. Brokenness helps us appreciate justice. It's in brokenness that we begin to crave redemption. That we understand the power of recovery. It's the broken among us that actually can teach us what it means to be human. Because if you don't understand the ways in which you can be broken by poverty or neglect or abuse or violence or suffering or bigotry, then you don't recognize the urgency in overcoming poverty and abuse and neglect and bigotry. I even feel broken by this history. When I was a little boy, everybody had to get their polio shot. I was, like, 5. Black people had to go through the back door. So we line up out back. They gave all the shots to the white kids before they gave shots to the Black kids. They had little sugar cubes they were giving the white kids, and by the time they got to the Black kids, they ran out of sugar cubes. The nurses were tired. And they just had lost their capacity to be kind to these little children. And so they were grabbing these Black kids and giving them these needles. And my sister was in front of me, and when she was next, she was so terrified, she looked to my mother, and she said, 'Please, Mom. Please, please don't let them do this.' And they grabbed my sister, and they pulled her aside, and took the needle, and they jabbed it into her arm. And they pulled me aside, and they were about to jab me. And then all of a sudden I heard glass breaking: And my sweet, loving mother had gone over to a wall, picked up a table of beakers and glasses, and was slamming them against the wall. And she was screaming: 'This is not right! This is not right! Y'all should not have kept us out there all day! This is not right!' And the doctor came running in and said, 'Call the police.' And two Black ministers came running over and said, 'Please, doctor. Please, sir. Please don't call the police. We're sorry. We're gonna get her out of here.' One of the ministers fell to his knees. Was, like, just begging: 'Please, please. Please give the other kids their shot.' And he persuaded them not to call the police, and to give the other Black kids their shots. And so I got my polio shot. They didn't arrest my mom, which I was happy about. But you can't have a memory like that without it creating a kind of injury. A consciousness of hurt. That's what I mean when I say I'm broken, right? That consciousness of hurt creates a kind of anxiety that requires a response. I just think a lot of us were taught that you just have to find a way to silently live with your brokenness, with this injury, with that memory. And I don't think that's the way forward. I'm looking for ways to not be silent. Stevenson believes in the promise of treating humans with dignity, as expressed by a law that should keep an intellectually disabled human from being executed. Stevenson believed in that promise all the way up to 50 minutes before the scheduled execution, when the Supreme Court denied his final appeal. Which is when he realized that he works with broken people in broken systems where promises are broken. From the June 2024 issue: The lynching that sent my family north Stevenson's mother believed in the promise that she and her children should be treated equally. That's why she screamed, 'This is not right! This is not right!' When that promise was broken, his mother indicted the system. The preacher believed in the promise, which is why he got down on his knees and begged the doctor not to call the police and to give the other kids their shot. He surely knew that this promise was not yet realized in 1960s Delaware, where this scene took place—but he would not have begged if he did not believe that the promise of fairness was in sight. 2025: Errantry and Hope It's around broken promises that we have a chance at restoring, changing, improving. But of course we need a deep belief in the promise to do that. I am particularly interested in what happens to language when a promise is broken. Sometimes the shards make something intoxicating. Such an assemblage of broken shards can be found Atopolis: for Édouard Glissant, an extraordinary 2014 painting by the late African American artist Jack Whitten, which is being exhibited at the Museum of Modern Art through August 2. Glissant, the Martinican poet and philosopher whose 'poetics of relation' I mentioned earlier, said: 'The thought of errantry is not apolitical nor is it inconsistent with the will to identity, which is, after all, nothing other than the search for a freedom within particular surroundings. One who is errant (who is no longer traveler, discoverer, or conqueror) strives to know the totality of the world yet already knows he will never accomplish this—and knows that is precisely where the threatened beauty of the world resides.' Whitten wrote the following about Atopolis: Elsewhere, Whitten wrote: 'Ever since white imperialist entrepreneurs forced us into slavery, Black identity has been linked to our not having a 'sense of place.' This 'sense of place' for us had to be created through hard work involving all of our faculties of being.' In America, that hard work has been done with courage by individuals who have, to some extent, found 'us' through: 1. Unique meetings of their 'me'-ness and their 'not me'–ness. (Sometimes there was bloodshed around that meeting.) 2. Recognizing when good intentions become bad intentions. 3. Practicing hospitality. 4. Manifesting grace. 5. Understanding that, as Senator Cory Booker once told me: 'Black folks have to resurrect hope every day.' Amazing Grace In 2015, I interviewed the late Congressman John Lewis, and then portrayed him in my play and film Notes From the Field. I been going back to Selma every year since 1965, to commemorate the anniversary of Bloody Sunday, that took place on March 7, 1965. But we usually stop in Birmingham for a day. And then we go to Montgomery for a day. And then we go to Selma. On one trip to Montgomery, we stopped at First Baptist Church, the church that was pastored by the Reverend Ralph Abernathy. It's the same church where I met Dr. Martin Luther King and the Reverend Abernathy, in the spring of 1958. A young police officer—the chief—came to the church to speak on behalf of the mayor, who was not available. The church was full. Black. White. Latino. Asian American. Members of Congress. Staffers. Family members, children, and grandchildren. 'What happened in Montgomery 52 years ago durin' the Freedom Rides was not right,' the chief said. 'The police department didn't show up. They allowed an angry mob to come and beat you,' and he said, 'Congressman? I'm sorry for what happened. I want to apologize. This is not the Montgomery that we want Montgomery to be. This is not the police department that I want to be the chief of. Before any officers are hired,' he said, 'they go through trainin'. They have to study the life of Rosa Parks. The life of Martin Luther King Jr. They have to visit the historic sites of the movement. They have to know what happened in Birmingham, and what happened in Montgomery, and what happened in Selma.' He said, 'I want you to forgive us.' He said, 'To show the respect that I have for you and for the movement, I want to take off my badge and give it to you.' And the church was so quiet. No one sayin' a word. And I stood up to accept the badge. And I started cryin'. And everybody in the church started cryin'. And I said, 'Officer. Chief. I cannot accept your badge. I'm not worthy to accept your badge. [ Long pause.] Don't you need it?' He said, 'Congressman Lewis, I can get another one. I want you to have my badge!' And I took it. And I will hold on to it forever. But he hugged me. I hugged him. I cried some more. And you had Democrats and Republicans in the church. Cryin '. And his young deputy assistant—a young African American—was sittin' down. He couldn't stand. He cried so much, like a baby, really. It was the first time that a police chief in any city where I visited, or where I got arrested or beaten durin' the '60s, ever apologized. It was a moment of grace. It was a moment of reconciliation. The chief was very young—he was not even born 52 years ago. So he was offerin' an apology and to be forgiven on behalf of his associates, his colleagues of the past … For the police chief to come and apologize, to ask to be forgiven—it felt so good, and at the same time so freein' and liberatin'. I felt like, you know, I'm not worthy. You know, I'm just one. I'm just one of the many people who were beaten. It is amazing grace. You know the line in there, 'Saved a wretch like me?' In a sense, it's saying that we all have fallen short! 'Cause we all just tryin' to just make it! We all searching! As Dr. King said, we were out to redeem the soul of America. But we first have to redeem ourselves. This message—this act of grace, of the badge—says to me, 'Hold on.' And, 'Never give up. Never give in. Never lose faith. Keep the faith.' Keep the faith, yes. But don't look away.

15 Subtle Power Moves That Leave Narcissists Powerless
15 Subtle Power Moves That Leave Narcissists Powerless

Yahoo

time2 days ago

  • Yahoo

15 Subtle Power Moves That Leave Narcissists Powerless

Yahoo is using AI to generate takeaways from this article. This means the info may not always match what's in the article. Reporting mistakes helps us improve the experience. Yahoo is using AI to generate takeaways from this article. This means the info may not always match what's in the article. Reporting mistakes helps us improve the experience. Yahoo is using AI to generate takeaways from this article. This means the info may not always match what's in the article. Reporting mistakes helps us improve the experience. Generate Key Takeaways Navigating interactions with narcissists can feel like a daunting task. They often thrive on control and manipulation, leaving you feeling powerless. However, with a few subtle power moves, you can regain your footing and make them reconsider their approach. These tactics won't transform a narcissist, but they'll help you maintain your sanity and assert your boundaries. 1. Keep Your Emotions In Check Narcissists feed off emotional reactions, so keeping your emotions in check is key. They often use your emotional responses to manipulate or gain the upper hand. According to Dr. Craig Malkin, a clinical psychologist and lecturer at Harvard Medical School, appearing unflappable in the face of a narcissist's provocations can shift the power dynamic. When you stay calm and composed, it deprives them of the emotional leverage they seek. This doesn't mean suppressing your feelings, but rather managing your responses strategically. By controlling your emotions, you're effectively setting boundaries without saying a word. A narcissist might attempt to escalate their tactics, but your composed demeanor can act as a barrier. It signals to them that you're not easily swayed or manipulated. This self-control is empowering and often confounds the narcissist, leaving them uncertain about their next move. Remember, your emotional composure can be your strongest ally. 2. Reiterate Your Boundaries Establishing clear boundaries is crucial when dealing with narcissists. They often lack respect for personal limits and will push as far as they can. By setting firm boundaries, you communicate what is acceptable and what is not. This clarity can prevent a lot of manipulative behavior from the start. It might feel uncomfortable initially, but it's essential for maintaining your mental health. Once you've set these boundaries, it's critical to enforce them consistently. A narcissist will test your limits, so staying firm is crucial. Consistency in enforcing your boundaries will make it clear that you're serious about them. Remember that boundaries aren't about controlling the narcissist but about maintaining your own well-being. This firmness often makes them think twice before overstepping. 3. Keep Private Information Off Limits Narcissists often use personal information to manipulate or control. By limiting what you share, you reduce their arsenal of potential weapons. Studies by Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist who has researched narcissism extensively, suggest that withholding personal details can shield you from potential manipulation. Keep conversations on neutral topics and avoid divulging sensitive details about your life. This approach keeps you safeguarded from emotional traps. When you control the flow of information, you maintain the upper hand. Narcissists thrive on knowing your weaknesses, so keeping those private is a form of protection. This doesn't mean being secretive, but rather discerning about what you reveal. Over time, they may lose interest if they can't easily access personal details. This subtle shift in power can make a significant difference in your interactions. 4. Use The Gray Rock Method The Gray Rock Method involves becoming as uninteresting as possible to reduce a narcissist's interest in you. This means keeping interactions bland and avoiding emotional engagement. It's a way to protect yourself from their emotional games by giving them nothing to latch onto. By not reacting or engaging with their provocations, you make yourself less appealing as a target. This technique requires practice but can be quite effective over time. When you embrace the Gray Rock Method, you'll notice a change in how the narcissist interacts with you. They'll likely become frustrated by your lack of response and may look elsewhere for gratification. It's a subtle way to regain some control over the situation. Remember, the goal is not to be rude or dismissive but to protect your own mental space. This approach can be liberating, allowing you to engage on your terms. 5. Adopt An Assertive Communication Style Narcissists can be master manipulators, often twisting words and situations to suit their narrative. Using assertive communication helps you stay grounded and clear in your interactions. Dr. Albert Mehrabian, known for his study on communication, emphasizes the importance of clear verbal expression backed by confident nonverbal cues. Assertive communication involves stating your needs and concerns clearly and respectfully. This approach can deter the narcissist from undermining your words or intentions. When you communicate assertively, you're not aggressive but firm and direct. This clarity can disarm a narcissist, who may be used to exploiting ambiguity. Assertive communication doesn't allow for their manipulative tactics to take root. It's about being straightforward without being confrontational. Over time, they'll realize you're not an easy target for verbal manipulation. 6. Maintain Your Independence Narcissists often seek to undermine your sense of control and independence. It's crucial to maintain your autonomy and not allow them to dictate your actions or decisions. Continue to engage in activities that make you feel empowered and self-sufficient. This not only boosts your confidence but also signals to the narcissist that you cannot be easily swayed. Upholding your independence diminishes their power over you. By cultivating your own interests and life apart from them, you reinforce your boundaries. This independence makes it clear that your life doesn't revolve around them, which can be unsettling to a narcissist. They may attempt to isolate you or downplay your achievements, but your steadfastness can act as a shield. Remember, the more you focus on your growth, the less influence they have. Independence is not only a form of self-care but also a subtle power move. 7. Avoid Engaging In Their Drama Narcissists often thrive on chaos and drama, using it as a tool for manipulation and attention. Avoid being drawn into these situations, as it only gives them more power. Research by Dr. W. Keith Campbell, a psychologist known for his studies on narcissism, shows that engaging in their drama only perpetuates the cycle. Instead, find ways to distance yourself from the turmoil they create. This detachment can significantly reduce their control over you. When you refuse to participate in their drama, you take away their platform. They may try to provoke you or embroil you in conflict, but your refusal to engage is powerful. This doesn't mean avoiding confrontation altogether but being selective about what you engage in. By doing so, you conserve your energy for more meaningful interactions. This strategy can protect your mental well-being and diminish their influence. 8. Practice Daily Self-Care Self-care is crucial when dealing with a narcissist, as it helps maintain your mental and emotional health. Prioritize activities that make you feel good and centered. Whether it's exercise, meditation, or a hobby, ensure you dedicate time to your well-being. This focus on self-care can buffer the negative effects of a narcissist's behavior. The stronger and more balanced you feel, the less impact their actions will have. By taking care of yourself, you reinforce your boundaries and resilience. Narcissists may attempt to belittle or undermine your self-worth, but self-care acts as a counterbalance. It's a way to remind yourself of your own value and priorities. Over time, this practice can shift the power dynamic, as the narcissist realizes their tactics aren't affecting you as intended. Remember, self-care is not indulgence but a necessary form of self-preservation. 9. Use Strategic Silence Strategic silence can be an effective tool when dealing with narcissists. By choosing when to speak and when to remain silent, you control the flow of conversation. This silence can make a narcissist uncomfortable, as they often rely on verbal engagement to manipulate. It's a way of asserting control without confrontation. This selective communication can shift the power dynamic in your favor. When you employ strategic silence, you communicate that you're not obligated to respond to everything. It shows that you're in control of your reactions and engagements. This can frustrate a narcissist, as they often seek immediate feedback to gauge their impact. Silence can be a powerful statement, suggesting that their words or actions aren't worth your response. Remember, it's not about ignoring them completely but being intentional with your engagement. 10. Stay Grounded In Reality Narcissists have a way of distorting reality to fit their narrative, often leaving others questioning their perception. Staying grounded in your own reality is essential to resisting their manipulations. Keep track of facts and trust your instincts. When faced with their distortions, calmly refer back to what you know to be true. This grounding can help you resist being swayed by their version of events. By reinforcing your own reality, you reduce their influence over your thoughts. Narcissists thrive on creating confusion, but your clarity can act as a barrier. This doesn't mean dismissing their perspective entirely, but weighing it against your own understanding. It's about maintaining your own truth amidst their attempts to skew it. This grounding is not only protective but empowering. 11. Seek Support From Your Squad Having a strong support system is vital when dealing with narcissists. Surround yourself with people who understand your situation and can offer encouragement and perspective. Their support can validate your experiences and provide a buffer against the narcissist's tactics. This network can help reinforce your boundaries and maintain your perspective. It's a reminder that you're not alone in the struggle. When you have support, you're less susceptible to the isolation tactics narcissists often employ. These people can offer advice, reassurance, and even challenge your thinking when necessary. They serve as a reality check and offer emotional anchoring. It's important to nurture these relationships and lean on them when needed. Remember, strength in numbers can diminish a narcissist's control. 12. Stay Consistent In Your Actions Consistency is key when maintaining boundaries with a narcissist. They often test limits, looking for cracks in your resolve. By being consistent in your reactions and boundaries, you communicate that you won't be easily swayed. This steadfastness can frustrate a narcissist's attempts to manipulate or control. Consistency is about reinforcing your position through repeated actions. Being consistent doesn't mean being rigid, but rather reliable in your responses. This predictability can reduce their power, as it leaves little room for maneuvering. It's about showing that your principles and boundaries are not negotiable. Over time, this consistency can lead to changed behavior from the narcissist, as they realize their efforts are futile. Remember, consistency is a form of strength in itself. 13. Laser Focus On Solutions Narcissists often fixate on problems to maintain control and create drama. By shifting your focus to solutions, you disrupt their cycle. It's about addressing issues pragmatically rather than getting caught up in the chaos. This solution-oriented approach can be disarming to a narcissist, who thrives on problems. It shifts the power dynamic by moving towards resolution rather than conflict. When you focus on solutions, you demonstrate resourcefulness and independence. It shows you're not reliant on the narcissist for problem-solving. This autonomy can be unsettling for them, as it takes away a potential avenue of control. It's about maintaining a forward-thinking mindset that prioritizes problem resolution over drama. This strategy not only empowers you but can steer interactions in a more positive direction. 14. Be Empathetic Without Enabling Understanding a narcissist's behavior can help you navigate interactions more effectively. While empathy can be a powerful tool, it's crucial not to enable their behavior. Recognize their patterns without excusing or justifying their actions. This balance allows you to protect yourself while understanding their motivations. It's a delicate dance of empathy and self-preservation. By developing empathy, you can anticipate their moves and prepare your responses. This awareness doesn't mean tolerating unacceptable behavior but understanding its roots. It's about maintaining compassion without sacrificing your own boundaries. Over time, this understanding can make your interactions more manageable. Remember, empathy is not about being a doormat but about informed engagement. 15. Walk Away When Things Head South Sometimes, the best move is knowing when to disengage entirely. If a relationship with a narcissist becomes too toxic, walking away might be necessary. It's about recognizing when the cost to your well-being outweighs the benefits of staying. This decision requires courage, but can be the most liberating choice. Walking away is a powerful statement of self-worth. Leaving doesn't mean you've failed, but that you prioritize your mental health. It's an acknowledgment that some battles aren't worth fighting. This act asserts your autonomy and self-respect. It's about taking control of your life and refusing to be a pawn in someone else's game. Remember, sometimes the strongest move is stepping away.

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