Jarren Duran discusses his mental health journey, suicide attempt in new Netflix documentary

New York Times

07-04-2025

Boston Red Sox outfielder Jarren Duran, who has discussed his mental health struggles in the past, reveals in a Netflix documentary set to air this week that he attempted suicide. In the episode, Duran describes his mental anguish during that time and some of the steps he's taken since then to improve his mental health.
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Duran spoke about his battles with depression and struggles with mental health in the fourth episode of Netflix's eight-part documentary, 'The Clubhouse: A year with the Red Sox.' All eight episodes are available on Tuesday. The Athletic was among a group of media outlets that received an advanced copy of the documentary (Editor's note: Jen McCaffrey appears in the documentary, though not in this episode).
The 49-minute fourth episode, titled 'Still Alive,' focuses almost exclusively on Duran, who has spoken about his mental health struggles but had never revealed these specific details publicly before. The documentary does not specify when the attempt was made, but it's suggested it was during the 2022 season.
Netflix director Greg Whiteley said he'd interviewed Duran throughout last season as one of the main subjects of the documentary, and followed Duran from the team plane to the team hotel one day to see what it was like for a player to prepare the night before a road game. He was not expecting the conversation to turn so personal.
'My memory of it was (that) Jarren, as the conversation became more serious, he was slow and measured with his words and was very intentional about the information he was giving me,' Whiteley said by phone.
Whiteley said he reached out to Duran after the interview to make sure Duran was comfortable with sharing such a personal story, and Duran confirmed he was.
When asked about the documentary this spring, before anyone had seen the advanced screener, Duran spoke more generally about what the documentary was trying to accomplish.
'You sit back and look, Netflix did (documentaries) on Formula 1 and it really blew up the sport… We're really expanding baseball. So that kind of hit home for me. We're just trying to grow the sport,' he said.
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Duran has said he will speak with the media on Tuesday, when the documentary is available to the public, about why he chose to open up now. His story is likely to be new to many of his teammates, as most players have not yet seen an advanced copy of the documentary.
'I felt as though this was something aligning with a mission he had articulated,' Whiteley said. 'Bringing awareness to this issue of mental illness is something he feels like he can do by virtue of the platform he's been given as a Major League Baseball player, and I felt like that interview that night was an extension of that mandate.'
'Jarren's decision to share his story is an act of courage that reaches far beyond baseball,' Red Sox President and CEO Sam Kennedy said in a statement. 'By opening up, he's showing others who may be struggling that they're not alone and that asking for help isn't just okay, it's essential. Every member of this organization continues to stand with him. He has our deepest admiration, he's always had our full support, and we're incredibly fortunate to have him as part of our team.'
The episode begins with the Boston Celtics, having just won the NBA Championship, visiting the Red Sox at Fenway Park in June. Red Sox players discuss the pressures and expectations of playing in Boston and the conversation shifts to Duran, who describes the difficulty of playing in a market with so much passion.
'I feel like people see us as zoo animals sometimes, in this big ole cage, throw popcorn at you, get a picture with you, get your attention, scream your name,' Duran says.
'Sometimes some fans take it too seriously,' he adds. 'I feel like they cross the line when they talk about my mental health and make fun of me for that, calling me weak. It triggers me when you start talking about my mental health. Part of it is that loneliness, some people deal with it better than others.'
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The episode builds from Duran's upbringing as a smaller-than-average kid growing up in Southern California with a father who was very hard on him and includes interviews with his parents. Duran describes always having to work harder because he was smaller, but also never feeling like he was good enough. When Long Beach State recruited him in high school, he almost didn't call back because he didn't believe in himself.
Nevertheless, he excelled at Long Beach State and was drafted in the seventh round by the Red Sox in 2018. Once he turned pro, he was an unheralded prospect once again. But Duran rose through the prospect ranks and reached the majors, debuting in July 2021.
The documentary shows Duran, who came up as a second baseman and transitioned to the outfield largely at the big-league level, struggling mightily through the end of 2021 and particularly 2022.
The Red Sox believed Duran's athleticism would be an asset in the outfield, but he had never fully solidified outfield fundamentals before his debut, and the repeated defensive failures compounded for Duran, especially as he struggled at the plate in 2022, hitting .221 with a .645 OPS in 58 games.
In late July 2022, Duran infamously lost a deep fly ball off the bat of Toronto's Raimel Tapia with the bases loaded at Fenway Park. As the ball bounced past him and Alex Verdugo raced to retrieve it, Duran stood and stared blankly as Tapia rounded the bases for an inside-the-park grand slam that went viral.
Two weeks later, there was another tough incident where Duran misplayed a ball in the outfield in Kansas City and then got into a shouting match with fans in the stands as Verdugo held him back.
'I started thinking about when I debuted, how I felt like I was on a frickin' island all by myself and the world was falling apart beneath my feet,' Duran says.
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The Netflix documentary shows Twitter posts and media clips mocking Duran after the two incidents.
'I'd go out to center and hear, 'Go back to Triple A, you don't belong here,'' Duran recalled. 'They didn't know how hard I was trying.
'I couldn't deal with telling myself how much I sucked every f— day,' Duran said.
That's when the documentary shifts to Duran on a couch in a team hotel on the road where he reveals his attempt to take his life.
'I didn't want to be here anymore,' Duran says, as Whiteley, off camera, asks if he means 'here' as in with the Red Sox or on Earth.
'Probably both, that was a really tough time for me,' Duran says.
Duran describes sitting in his room and attempting to take his life. For reasons he says he still doesn't understand, he survived unharmed.
'I took it as a sign I might have to be here for a reason,' he says. 'So that's when I started to look at myself in the mirror, I was like, 'All right, do I want to be here or do I not want to be here?' I was like 'that happened for a reason and obviously you're here for a f— reason so let's f— be the way you want to be, let's play the way you want to play, and let's live the way I want to live.''
Whiteley asks Duran if he's told anyone close to him, like his parents, about this before. Duran takes a deep breath.
'I don't think I've told them the full extent like that,' he says. 'I know I need to sit down with them and tell them the whole story. It's just scary to me because I hate putting my parents through stuff like that. It's hard to see them get upset when I tell them. It makes me feel like a bad person. I don't want to burden other people with my problems.'
Though he's never previously revealed the depths of his struggles, Duran has been increasingly open about his mental health. At the end of 2022, Duran spoke with MassLive about some of his difficulties. which was the first time he'd publicly discussed his mental health. From there, he slowly began to speak out more.
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In 2023, he began wearing athletic tape on his wrists with words that inspire him. He had previously declined to explain the full extent of what the words meant to him.
'On my left wrist I write, 'F— 'em' because it's me telling my demons, 'F— you, you're not going to faze me,' and on my right wrist, I write, 'Still alive' because I'm still here and I'm still fighting,' he says in the documentary.
The documentary shows Duran journaling and explaining his writing process. He first began by writing down rambling thoughts, but now he writes affirmations.
'I am worthy of success and celebrate my achievements, no matter how small,' he says.
The episode is interspersed with clips of a home game against the Blue Jays in late June, in which the Red Sox mount a late comeback capped by Duran's walk-off single.
'My inner demons don't let me love myself or want to be proud of myself, that's something I'm still working on,' he said.
In August of last season, Duran was suspended two games for yelling a homophobic slur at a fan in the stands at Fenway Park. The documentary covers the incident in a separate episode.
Duran won MVP of the All-Star Game last summer and finished eighth in AL MVP voting, hitting .285 with an .834 OPS with 21 homers in 160 games, while leading the majors in doubles (48) and triples (14). He was a Gold Glove Award finalist in center field.
If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741.