Woman hurls racial slur at child and then launches relocation fundraiser after backlash
Shiloh Hendrix, from Minnesota, US, has faced backlash after she called a five-year-old boy the N-word. She is now pleading for people to give her money so she can go into hiding
A mum was seen using a heart-breaking slur towards an autistic black child during an alleged racial attack in a playground. In the clip, the woman appears to be heard using the "N-word" towards a five-year-old boy after she accused him of "digging" through her son's bag.
The incident, which happened in a park in Rochester, Minnesota, escalated after the woman doubled-down on what she had said. The mother, who has since been identified as Shiloh Hendrix, went viral in a clip on TikTok, which has since gathered more than 11.5 million views in just two days.
In the footage, posted by TizzyEnt, who said he censored out the curse words, Hendrix was holding a baby. She was challenged by a man named Sharmake Omar, 30, who intervened after he over-heard her using the slur. Omar, who shares the same Somali heritage as the child, asked her why she called the child the N word.
Hendrix then turned her anger towards him and repeatedly used the slur again and accused the child of stealing. The man filming re-asked: "So that gives you the right to call the child, 5-years-old, a n*****, the 'N-word?'"
Hendrix replied: "If that's what he's gonna act like." Following the video going viral, Hendrix launched a fundraising campaign claiming her personal details, including her phone number, address, and social security number, had been leaked online, reports Irish Star
She alleges this has caused her "great turmoil" and insists she and her family are now in danger due to "extreme" threats received online. The GiveSendGo page set up by Shiloh Hendrix features a snapshot of her with her child, reflected in a mirror, under the name "Help Me Protect My Family".
The fundraiser has so far amassed over $450,000 ( £339,008.58) aiming for a target of $1 million ( £753,296.00). As seen in the recent donations section, Hendrix's appeal has been met with a surge of contributions, with donors often explaining their motivations in their donation messages.
"I don't agree with the use of the word- but the response to what happened is a microcosm of the white hate that is all too common," an Anonymous Giver commented.
In response, the Rochester Branch NAACP initiated its own GoFundMe campaign in support of the "defenceless 5-year-old" black child, who is said to be on the autism spectrum and was allegedly insulted with the "N-word" by the woman.
The fundraising page has impressively amassed over $182,000 ( £135,772 ), with the statement: "The Rochester Branch of the NAACP is taking this matter with the utmost seriousness. We are standing up for this child, his family, and every member of our community who deserves to live free from racist violence and intimidation."
Rochester Parks and Recreation addressed the issue on its Facebook page, acknowledging the "deeply disturbing video". Their post declared: "We are aware of a deeply disturbing video recorded at one of our City parks that contains racial slurs.
"The City of Rochester is firmly committed to fostering public spaces that are inclusive, welcoming, and safe for all residents and visitors-spaces where individuals of all backgrounds can relax, play, and connect with friends and neighbours."
Additionally, the Parks and Recreation department noted that the Rochester Police Department is "gathering information and actively looking into the matter".
"The Rochester Police Department is aware of the video that was posted on social media and has received multiple calls related to it," it said Friday. "We are gathering information and actively looking into the matter."
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Metro
3 hours ago
- Metro
'Taking my rapist to court was worse than what he did to me'
When Danielle* was raped, it was by someone she knew. A few years on, she still finds it hard to say the word. It's no surprise given all she's been through – but the damage isn't just down to her attacker, she's also been left traumatised by the justice system. Danielle tells Metro that the day after her assault, she phoned the police only to be told by an officer: 'Do you really think it's a good idea to report this?' 'He explained to me what I was likely to experience and implied that I shouldn't bother. He terrified me,' she remembers. It took nine months for Danielle to find the strength to officially report her assault and another four years before the case went to trial – only for the defendant to be found not guilty. Waiting years for a rape case to go to court only to see the person who assaulted you get off isn't unusual in the UK. Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) statistics reveal that of the 68,000 rapes reported to police in England and Wales in the year ending 2023, only 5% resulted in a charge. Of that figure, just 2.9% ended in a conviction. No one, simple reason explains such low conviction rates; but ongoing beliefs in rape myths and the huge burden placed on victims to supply evidence certainly helps to create barriers and prevent rape survivors from rarely get justice. According to the 2021 London Rape Review, 65% of rape cases result in the victim eventually withdrawing from the process. 'Throughout my whole case, the person who gathered the evidence was me,' explains Danielle, who is in her thirties. 'For example, I'd spoken to helplines the day after the rape, but the detective said they had tried to gain the transcripts and it wasn't possible. It took a lot of time, but I managed to get the transcripts myself.' Danielle also discovered that despite calling the police the day after her rape, no record of it had been logged. 'Thankfully, the day after it had happened, I wrote about it in a Word document so I didn't have to rely on my memory nine months later,' she says. 'Then, about a year and a half in, the police were just ignoring my emails. Eventually, it took another person coming forward, with a report about the same person, to give me the strength to carry on.' Gina* also faced challenges the moment she tried to report her rape by a family friend when she was 17. 'I attempted to put it in a statement – the whole history on one piece of paper – but I have dyslexia and ADHD and I can't write everything down the way I want to,' she explains to Metro. 'Afterwards, an officer rang and said: 'We're not going to take it further. Reading what you've put, we don't think he's done anything wrong'. I couldn't catch my breath.' Gina begged them to take the case and eventually it was handed to a different officer who invited her to a video interview. However, on the day, the officer rang to tell Gina she had missed her 10am appointment, which she had noted down as being at midday. After tearfully pleaded with them the officer relented, on the condition she came to the station immediately. According to Rape Crisis, 6.5million women in England and Wales have been raped or sexually assaulted, but 5 in 6 women don't report rape The number of sexual offences in England and Wales reached a record high of 193,566 in in the year ending March 2022 UCL research found that rape offences have the highest not guilty plea rate of any offence (85%) and this has been the case consistently for 15 years ONS data reveals almost half of all rapes are perpetrated by a woman's partner or ex-partner, and End Violence Against Women have said that the victim knows the perpetrator in 85% of cases The ONS also found that more than 1 in 5 victims were unconscious or asleep when they were raped 'I threw clothes on and got a taxi, then the officer came out and said, 'Oh, sorry, you were right, it was 12 o'clock'. I felt exhausted before I'd even started,' she remembers. 'Maybe, if the police had asked 'How do you want to communicate this to us?' it would give survivors more control of their story.' Gina adds that she also felt the female officer in charge of her case gave her many 'false promises'. 'She kept saying that she would ring every Friday. But every time I would stand beside my phone, shaking, and she never called. In the end I emailed her and she replied: 'you do realise we're busy? It isn't just you'. 'I was really upset, and I started to become quite anxious about asking if there were updates. I almost felt like I was forgotten about.' The 2025 Code of Practice for Victims of Crime in England and Wales states that victims should be 'provided with information about the investigation and prosecution' and includes a clause that police must ask victims how often they would like to receive updates, as well as their preferred method of contact. It took two years before Gina was finally told that her case wouldn't progress to court. 'Their attitude was, we can't do anything, there's no evidence. That was it – no support, nothing,' she recalls. It was only after speaking to a member of the CPS that Gina felt acknowledged. 'She told me, 'Professionally we can't prove that he's done this, but I believe you, and so does everybody else'. They were really compassionate.' According to Michaela-Clare Addison, Sexual Violence National Lead at Victim Support, police investigations into rape are a long, complex process for victim-survivors. 'Most come to the investigation with no idea what to expect or how long it could take. Many say they felt like the ones being investigated,' she tells Metro. A 2024 report from Victim Support found that one-third (36%) of respondents had been asked what they did to stop the offence while it was happening, while 33% had faced accusations that they were pursuing justice as a way to seek revenge. Addison adds that someone's experience during the court process is just as important as the outcome or verdict. 'Some have described not feeling like they had received justice, despite a guilty conviction,' she explains. 'Victim-survivors need to be treated with dignity and respect, know they have been listened to and believed. Yet critical support has been put in jeopardy by recent government cuts to victims' services funding, which has far-reaching implications.' Although police are mandated to investigate every rape allegation they receive, it is often a lengthy and fraught process, where survivors report being forced to repeat details to different professionals with varying levels of training. Julia* is one of the 50% of rape survivors attacked by her then-partner, and has experienced this. Her relationship involved narcissistic abuse 'which I know not everybody understands, but when you're trying to explain it to a police officer that doesn't have a clue, it makes you feel worse,' she tells Metro. After reporting her assault, Julia became scared of what her partner might do, so tried to withdraw her statement. However, she was told they had to follow it up and an officer would come to her home. 'I was very anxious,' she recalls. 'When she turned up she was bright and breezy and straight away said, 'I don't know why I'm here, I don't know any details'. That was my first shock.' Then, at one point, the officer told Julia: 'something along the lines of, ''Don't worry, you'll meet someone else'. I didn't feel that she was very professional or understood at all. I really couldn't wait for her to leave.' Several days later, Julia was informed by the police that she'd been noted as 'refusing' to cooperate. 'They kept using words like 'unwilling'. I felt like I was in trouble, like I'd done something wrong – that I was a problem.' Despite her officially withdrawing from the process, Julia couldn't shake the feeling that it meant her partner had got away with attacking her. Eventually she went back to the police, only to be told it was too late, as over six months had elapsed between the rape and her reporting it. 'But that's actually not correct information,' she explains. 'If it's a sexual assault, there is no time limit.' The challenge of providing physical evidence is another major barrier to justice for many rape survivors. Forensic examinations, though optional, can be painful, humiliating and stressful, and have to be carried out within seven days of the rape. The issue is even more pronounced for historical rapes. For Julia, providing evidence meant handing over her phone. 'My phone was initially taken for just a few days, then the CPS wanted it looked at in more detail and it was gone for about a month. Most victims want to be as helpful as possible, so we say yes to pretty much everything.' However, she points out: 'His phone wasn't taken. I'm still quite angry about that. His messages, his photos, his everything – they weren't of any interest'. At 85%, rape offences have the highest not guilty plea rate of any crime (this has been the case consistently for the last 15 years) and many survivors feel the odds are against them from the outset. 'I met my barrister for the first time about half an hour before going into court,' recalls Danielle. 'I said to him that I had called the police after the rape and he gave the detective a look like, 'why the hell do I not know that?' In that moment my heart sank; I thought, 'he's not done his job and there is nothing I can do'.' And it only got worse for her. 'Whoever was cross examining me, destroyed me. She claimed that I'd led him on, that it was my fault and said the actual physical rape didn't happen at all. My god, she did a fantastic job of tearing me to pieces. I have strength in me, I can speak up, but she broke me.' When the not guilty verdict came through, Danielle says her whole world 'collapsed'. 'I remember thinking, my life has been ruined for the last four plus years, and for what? I hadn't had any income as I couldn't work, no relationships, friendships broken. I do believe in justice and speaking up,' she adds, 'but it destroyed my life.' For Julia, the court process was 'worse than what he did. When he raped me, it was just me and just him. However, when you go to court you are humiliated and degraded in front of a whole courtroom of people. 'I was with my independent sexual violence adviser (ISVA) in a little room and waited for hours to be called to give evidence. Eventually my ISVA went to investigate and came back saying, 'They've been to lunch!' No-one told us so we just sat there, thinking I could be called anytime. 'The only reason every single person was in that courtroom was because of me, and they forgot about me.' As with other crimes, the burden of proof to secure a rape conviction is 'beyond a reasonable doubt'. Yet the task of convincing a 12-person jury that a rape undisputedly took place, that there is no alternative explanation, is formidable and exhausting, especially in cases where it's one person's word against another's. For Gina, Danielle and Julia, the main motivation for reporting their rapist was to protect others. But they are all still reckoning with their decision. 'Before the trial, I felt really powerful, and hopeful, and I felt like I was doing such a good thing,' remembers Julia. 'But the trial and the not guilty verdict takes all of that away. After, I would wake up at night, thinking I wish I'd said this or that. It was just horrendous.' More Trending Gina says she still suffers nightmares and flashbacks every day. 'It's always on the front of my brain, especially the way the police were. I think if we were treated with more kindness I could accept things a bit more. ' He wasn't convicted, but there are triggers I have to deal with every day – it could be like a certain song or a certain smell. He's living his life whileI've got this prison sentence.' * Names have been changed A Crown Prosecution Service spokesperson said: 'The number of rape cases we charge has more than doubled since January 2021 from 491 to 1,122 this quarter. 'Although the burden of proof is on prosecutors to provide the evidence to get a guilty verdict, no victim should ever be made to feel as if they are on trial. 'We are working alongside others in the criminal justice system to deliver a more supportive service for victims so fewer drop out of the process and reduce delays – and recent figures show we are making vital progress in both these areas. 'We now have dedicated victim liaison officers in every CPS area working with Independent Sexual Violence Advisors to help victims of rape navigate court proceedings, and offer them a pre-trial meeting with a member of our prosecution team to discuss the trial process and support we can put in place.' Chief Constable Sarah Crew, national policing lead for rape and sexual offences, told Metro: 'The effective investigation and prosecution of rape is one of the most important challenges facing the criminal justice system. 'We are working hard in policing to improve our response to rape and sexual offences, and all 43 police forces in England and Wales have signed up to Operation Soteria, a transformational approach to the investigation of rape and sexual offences. 'One of the key principles of Soteria is placing the needs of the victim at the heart of an investigation, ensuring transparency and communication throughout the investigative process. 'By providing better support for victims and shifting our focus to the perpetrator's behaviour, we are starting to rebuild trust and confidence, and we are seeing a steep increase in arrests and charges. 'If you have been a victim of rape or sexual assault, I urge you to come forward and report this to the police. Your report will be treated sensitively, and we will listen and investigate with respect and empathy. We work closely with Sexual Assault Referral Centres (SARCs) and Independent Sexual Violence Advisors (ISVAs) and we would urge anyone who is not comfortable with going to the police to use these independent specialist services instead.' APCC Joint Victims Leads, PCCs Clare Moody and Matthew Scott, said: 'It takes great courage to report a rape, so it is vital that victims and survivors of this terrifying and traumatising experience are placed front and centre of the criminal justice system. Far too few cases of rape make it to court and those that do can take years to reach trial, so the process must ensure victims are – and feel – listened to, informed, and treated with fairness and dignity if we are to encourage the reporting of sexual offences. 'Police and Crime Commissioners (PCCs), elected to act as the public's voice in policing, are key to ensuring victims know and understand the support to which they are entitled, and to ensuring that the highest quality and consistent support is available. We provide vital services such as Independent Sexual Violence Advisers, therapy and counselling in order to help victims directly. 'As PCCs, we hold our Forces to account to make sure they are delivering their obligations under the Victims Code. We promote victims' rights and support them in challenging the system when things go wrong. 'PCCs fully support the government's pledge to halve violence against women and girls within a decade. In the meantime, it is critical victims of crime can access timely support as they cope with and recover from the trauma they have experienced and navigate their way through an unfamiliar and complex criminal justice system. We will continue to work with our partners to deliver the best outcomes for victims.' Do you have a story you'd like to share? Get in touch by emailing Share your views in the comments below. MORE: I asked my partner to choose the porn I watched for a week MORE: Married teacher posed as boy, 14, to get young girls to send him explicit photos MORE: The forgotten UK social networking site that wrecked and rekindled relationships
Daily Record
5 hours ago
- Daily Record
Mum's 'TikTok addiction' results in prison sentence for fraud
Katherine Greenall "abused the trust" of the company she worked for with her actions. A mum's "addiction to TikTok" has resulted in her being sent to prison after she stole almost half a million pounds from her employer. Katherine Greenall, 29, was employed by technology company New Reg Ltd, which "specialises in purchasing vehicles for private and commercial clients", from 2021. A promotion in 2022 saw her become an accounts manager, which meant she had access to company bank accounts, Liverpool Crown Court heard on Friday, June 6. The mum-of-two from St Helens, Merseyside, went on to commit a "significant abuse of trust" in manipulating financial reports, allowing her to deposit vast sums into her own accounts over the course of more than a year. She spent most of it on TikTok tokens, which were gifted to content creators for her own "amusement and entertainment". She also splashed out on holidays, hotels and multiple personal purchases from Amazon, supermarkets and other retailers. Appearing in the dock, she wiped her tears away as she was sentenced to 28 months behind bars, after admitting to fraud by abuse of position, the Liverpool ECHO reports. Prosecutor Christopher Taylor described how Greenall had been praised for being a "vital part of the company's growth", "very organised and capable" and "both trusted and respected". However, her scheming saw her make a total of 53 unauthorised deposits to the tune of £57,036 in 2023, according to an analysis of her bank statements. However, her actions would only worsen in early 2024. In January, she made four deposits totalling £8,917, then another 10 in February amounting to £14,916. In March she made a shocking 20 payments worth £146,288, and incredibly, a further 31 in April, which added up to £196,264.26. Eventually, senior management at the company became suspicious after smaller than expected profits were raised with Greenall during a meeting with one of its directors on May 1. Despite promising to look into the issue, she returned to her desk and made a "final deposit" to her own account of £20,000 before leaving the office, claiming what was a "false family illness". Greenall, called Katie by her colleagues, would later "admit her criminality" in another meeting on May 7, and was arrested on May 13. However, in her police interview, she was "emotional", claiming she "not been living a lavish lifestyle" and all she had in her bank account was £700. She explained how the "deposits started small", and were "used to fund household purchases". It was later that she "started using the stolen money to fund TikTok payments", gifting tokens to creators. She described it as having "become an obsession" which came "at a time when she was low". She said she would send the coins to "random" accounts as it "made her feel better", but would "return to a number of particular creators". In total, she siphoned £443,523.26 from the company over 121 separate transactions. £301,162.55 was spent on the tokens, leaving £142,360.71 which was "spent by the defendant on other things". Her actions have reportedly "jeopardised the future" of the company, which has been in business since 1995, and put over 30 of her ex-colleagues at risk of redundancy due to the losses incurred. Paul Becker, defending, said that Greenall, who has no previous convictions, "may have been suffering from a form of addiction to TikTok", but stated that she had "no formal diagnosis to such an addiction". It is believed her children, a six-year-old daughter and 11-year-old son, who has severe ADHD, will be cared for by her sister, a nursery worker, during her time in prison. Mr Becker added: "This is fraud on a massive scale. It started out for personal matters. It was not TikTok initially, but it is right to say that the bulk of the fraud went towards TiKTok. "It started off otherwise, and it became TikTok. It was not for any sort of financial reward. It was amusement. The more she did it, the more she became addicted to being on TikTok. What she was getting out of it was entertainment. That is what she was paying for. That is where the majority of the money was going towards. "Of course, that came from her employer who is massively out of pocket. It placed the business at risk and other members of staff in jeopardy. This was an abuse of trust on a massive scale. She is thoroughly ashamed of what she has done and has come today prepared for what might be said to be the inevitable. "She did not hold back with the police. She told them chapter and verse. It is not really rational thinking, to embark on this voyage of fraud and misadventure. What started out for her own personal benefit very quickly escalated into providing monies to TikTok. " Bringing up children is not easy. This, I am sure, had an effect on her at the time of the offending. It is perhaps some sort of insight as to why somebody embarks upon this sort of fraud. "It may be said that she was just greedy and wanted a better life and that is why she did it, but one has to have a holistic view of the factors in her life. It must have worn her down. It is not to negate what is deplorable behaviour, but she did not have an easy time. She is, if nothing else, a good mum who has done her best." Join the Daily Record WhatsApp community! Get the latest news sent straight to your messages by joining our WhatsApp community today. You'll receive daily updates on breaking news as well as the top headlines across Scotland. No one will be able to see who is signed up and no one can send messages except the Daily Record team. All you have to do is click here if you're on mobile, select 'Join Community' and you're in! If you're on a desktop, simply scan the QR code above with your phone and click 'Join Community'. We also treat our community members to special offers, promotions, and adverts from us and our partners. If you don't like our community, you can check out any time you like. To leave our community click on the name at the top of your screen and choose 'exit group'. If you're curious, you can read our Privacy Notice. Judge Neil Flewitt KC, sentencing Greenall, said: "You are 29 years of age and of previous good character. You are a good mum to two young children, one of whom has particular challenges. You were trusted and respected. Your employers were aware of the challenges that you faced at home and made allowed allowances. "You repaid their trust in you by stealing from them on a massive scale. Over a period from January 2023 to the beginning of May 2024, you stole almost £450,000. You covered you what you were doing by manipulating documents that were used for accounting purposes by the company, and you put that money into your own bank account. "It started on a smaller scale. Things escalated on a grander scale in 2024. Having been made aware that the company was concerned, you did something which makes this worse. You went back to your desk and took another £20,000. "As I understand it, it is possible to make payment through tokens to content creators on TikTok to show your appreciation to them for the entertainment that they provide. If the information I have been given is correct, part of that goes to the platform. I make no comment about the morality of all of that, but that seems to be where a substantial amount of this money has gone. "But not all of it. From February 2024, there were 235 payments to TikTok totalling just over £300,000. That leaves over £142,000 that did not go to TikTok. You cannot possibly have needed all of that money just to buy day to day items. Some of it must have gone on extravagant spending. "I do accept that you must have been getting some form of escape from pressures at home by watching this content, that it may have been some sort of release for you. While there is no medical evidence that this became some form of addiction, I recognise that it became a pattern that was difficult to cast aside. "You jeopardised the business and its future trading. More particularly, you put at risk the jobs of your fellow workers because, at one stage, it was thought that some of them might have to be made redundant. That is a serious aggravating feature. "I accept that you are genuinely remorseful. You have found yourself work. I have read references from your mother, father, sister and friend and have read a lot about your two children. "It is a matter of regret that I have a public duty which I have to fulfil. It is a tragedy that those children are going to suffer as a result of your dishonesty. I have taken the view that there is simply no way to avoid what I am sure you have been advised is the inevitable sentence of imprisonment. This is simply too much money and too much damage caused here."
Scottish Sun
6 hours ago
- Scottish Sun
My girlfriend dumped me after she had several affairs – and is lying to friends and family that I'm the cheater
Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) DEAR DEIDRE: MY lazy girlfriend spent all day on TikTok and social media, while I worked, cleaned the house and looked after the kids. Now I've learned she was constantly setting up new hook-ups and conducting several affairs. I'm not even sure if both my children are actually mine, or if I've been bringing up one of her lovers' kids. Talk about disrespect. Now she has thrown me out and told everyone I'm the one who has been cheating on her, so they think I'm the bad guy. I don't know what to do. I'm 42 and she's 40. We've been together for 12 years and have two children, aged ten and eight. If I'm honest, she treated me badly from the start. She often lied about where she was going, met up with exes who she pretended were just friends and secretly messaged other men. But she was always ready with a good excuse and she used her charms to reel me back in. We only had sex when she wanted it, the way she wanted it. She'd use it to control me. A couple of years after we had our first baby, a man turned up saying the boy was his. I was gutted as, by then, I loved the child. She denied it, of course. After that, we had patches where things were OK, but then she'd start being secretive again. If I said anything it would end up in a huge, nasty row. Dear Deidre After Dark- Understanding open relationships Last week, out of the blue, she told me to pack my stuff and leave. She accused me of having an affair — which is ridiculous, as there is no time, with a full-time job, housework and all the childcare. She has told her friends and family the same story, so they hate me. She said she'd just started seeing someone else. I think she has actually been seeing him for months. I feel like I've been used, chewed up and spat out. But if I tell people the truth they won't believe me. Please help. DEIDRE SAYS: You've been in an abusive relationship with a woman who sounds like a narcissist. She gaslit you – and everyone else – and now it sounds like she's moved on to her next prey. This is not your fault. You're a good man who has tried to do your best for your family. You need support for your emotional health, advice to make sure you continue to have a relationship with your children and that you get what you're legally entitled to. Don't worry about what others think. I'm sure they're aware of what she's really like. My support pack, Abusive Partner, will show you where to get help. For advice on your rights, contact Both Parents Matter ( 0300 0300 363). Get in touch with Deidre Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. Send an email to deardeidre@ You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page. Thank you for advice when my guy faced a trial DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my partner faced imprisonment, leaving me and our three children to manage alone, I was petrified. He was charged with assault and due to stand trial. I believed he was innocent, but we were warned he could face several years in prison. I'm in my mid-40s and we have been together since we were teenagers. The long lead-up to the trial was making me so anxious, and I didn't know how I'd be able to cope if he was sent down. But I couldn't tell him how worried I was as I didn't want to upset him more. I knew I needed to stay strong for our kids and stop feeling so depressed and weepy, so I wrote to you for advice. You were so understanding, telling me I needed support and shouldn't keep my feelings inside. You recommended I contact a charity called Prisoners' Families ( 0808 808 2003) who could guide me through what to expect, and be there for me. I appreciated that you didn't patronise me, acknowledging that simply saying 'don't worry' wasn't going to help. You sent me your support pack on Coping With Stress, which showed me ways to relax. Although I am still very anxious, I now feel better able to cope. Thank you Deidre. DEIDRE SAYS: I'm glad that my advice helped – but you're stronger than you think. Remember, there is support out there if your partner does go to prison. HURT BY HIS SEX TALK WITH EX, BUT I WANT TO REUNITE DEAR DEIDRE: I BROKE up with my boyfriend because he told his ex intimate details about our relationship, but now I'm wondering if I made a big mistake. I'm not sure if I can trust him, but I miss and love him. We're both in our late 20s and were together for 11 months. As our relationship developed, he sent out strong signals that he was thinking about marriage and was going to propose. But then I found out he was still good friends with his ex. She has a new partner, so I wasn't jealous, but I did feel uncomfortable. One day, a message from her flashed up on his WhatsApp. It asked if he'd had any more luck getting me into bed. I was horrified and humiliated, and had a massive row with my boyfriend, which led to us breaking up. We got back together, but after that I found it hard to trust him. He admitted he didn't want to give up his friendship with his ex. He also said that he wasn't ready to get married, and didn't know if he ever would be. I decided to end the relationship again. Now I'm not sure I did the right thing. I can't stop thinking about him. DEIDRE SAYS: It sounds like your ex boyfriend wasn't as happy about waiting for sex as he'd first appeared. It was wrong of him to share intimate details with his ex, but perhaps he needed to talk to someone he trusted. In a way, it's good he's been honest now and made it clear he isn't ready for marriage. It also sounds like he's not completely over his ex. If marriage is what you want, then perhaps it's better for you to find someone who shares your values and is ready for that commitment. If you get back together, the same issues will inevitably crop up again. It would be helpful for you to talk this through with a counsellor. TEENAGE TROUBLES DEAR DEIDRE: ONE of my mates believes I'm her best friend, but I find her spoiled and annoying. Three of us hang out together, but it's the other girl who's really my best pal, and she just gets in the way. We're all 16 and at school together. Last weekend, she got upset because she didn't want to go to a particular shop, so my best friend and I just went together. She says we should have included her and gone somewhere else. It's causing stress. What should I do? DEIDRE SAYS: Friendship groups can be tricky, as someone is always going to feel excluded. She sounds insecure. Maybe she's aware you prefer your other friend. Try to explain, kindly. But if things don't get better, you might need to distance yourself from her. My support pack, Rows With Friends, should help.
