I read the letter a couple of times. It didn't irritate me...it filled me with joy

Irish Times

09-07-2025

I've written before about all the gorgeous letters and cards that have landed in my work pigeonhole since I
first wrote about my cancer diagnosis
last December. People are kind. There have been home-knitted hats in the post and cool earrings, supportive messages and heartfelt notes, books and other tokens. I am grateful for it all. The flurry of well wishes motivated me
to write my own letters to people
. Admittedly, not as many as I'd hoped when I began my letter-writing project a few months ago, but definitely more than usual. There is something about the idea of people sitting down with a decent pen, writing a note, finding a stamp and sending it off that moves me every time.
So I was happy to see the small brown envelope in my pigeonhole. The stamp depicted James Earley's Irish Deer, a tasteful and artistic choice. The paper was plain white but of decent quality. In the corner, where there's usually an address, the sender wrote simply 'Drogheda'. My name was underlined. Róisín. No 'dear' here, only on the stamp, so I knew this person meant business.
'Róisín:' the letter began, in blue ink and beautiful handwriting. The writer was discussing
an error in my column
about an event I did last month with
Paul Howard
at the Borris Festival of Writing and Ideas.
'Róisín: your column today includes 'would you rather ... watch Paul and I ...
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'Very disappointed with this from a professional writer. Wouldn't mind watching Paul – but, come on, watching I? Really?
'Cheap magazines have amateurs who write 'this bike carried my wife and I all over Ireland' kind of stuff. Carried I?
'Accusative, dative, etc, still apply – not only to amateurs but, especially, to professionals.
'Yours,
'John'
Underneath his sign off, John wrote ' ... watch Paul and me ….' in case I might not have realised what I ought to have written.
I read the letter a couple of times. You might think I'd find it irritating, in fact the letter filled me with joy. It seemed like a sign that things were back to normal and the statute of limitations on all that
cancer
sympathy had expired. I mean if John from Drogheda felt able to write, giving out about my use of I, then normal service really had resumed and I, for one, could not have been happier about this. I imagined John, a retired schoolteacher perhaps, sitting down with a cup of tea thinking: 'Yes, the woman has cancer but that does not mean I should not take her to task for the improper use of I. She's a professional writer, for goodness sake.'
[
I'm enjoying my new friendship. We're at the stage when everything is fascinating
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]
And John is right. Just because I have a challenging illness, doesn't mean I should be allowed to play fast and loose with the English language in The Irish Times. It reminded me of when I used to play Scrabble at Gerry's house every Tuesday while undergoing weekly chemotherapy sessions. A good friend, he nevertheless made zero allowances. There was one time when I tried to play the high-scoring word Taxol, the name of my chemotherapy, but he told me that it was a brand name and therefore not valid. To emphasise the point, he told me to 'get that sh*t off the board' – our preferred phrase when somebody chances their arm Scrabble-istically speaking – even as my hair fell out in clumps at his kitchen table. I loved his adherence to the rules in the face of all the cancer carry-on in the same way I adore John's letter, which is now stuck to my fridge with a magnet.
On reflection, I realise my deplorable use of
I
has its roots in being corrected as a child in school or at home for saying 'me and Shirley went to the shops'. 'It's Shirley and
I
,' not 'Shirley and
me
' I can hear my mother saying. My instinct had actually been to write Paul and
me
, in fact I believe I wrote Paul and
me
originally, but then a voice in my head said 'It's Paul and
I
', and so I changed it on account of trying to write proper. What a fail.
I have since conducted a small bit of research. Grammar nerds (and also John) will know this already, but 'Paul and me' is correct because 'me' is the object of the verb 'watch'. A good way to know when to use me, is to remove the other person's name to test it. 'Would you rather watch
me
…?' Would you rather watch
I
sounds completely wrong in this context. On the other hand, if the subject comes before the verb,
I
is the correct usage. 'Paul and
I
went to the cinema to see the John Lennon documentary' is correct. To be even more precise, subject pronouns such as
I
are used when the pronoun is the subject of the sentence, the one doing the action. Object pronouns, such as
me
, are used when the pronoun is the object of the sentence, the one receiving the action or following a preposition.
Now, if this column does not appear on some class of State exam next summer I'm going to be, as John from Drogheda would put it, very disappointed. I actually think me and John could be friends. Or is it John and I?
Answers on a postcard with some class of an arty looking stamp, please.