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"Is it a boy or a girl?" expectant parents are often asked. Some even hold a gender reveal party, where a popped balloon might release blue or pink confetti, depending on the baby's sex. But sex isn't the same as gender. Just because someone is assigned, on the basis of their physical characteristics, the sex of male or female at birth, doesn't mean they'll later identify with their biological status. Their gender identity may be different, as gender is a social construct. A transgender person is someone who doesn't, or doesn't fully, identify with the sex they were assigned at birth. Some identify as male or female, others as non-binary - that is, neither exclusively male nor female, or as no gender at all. If a child comes out as transgender - often shortened to "trans" - or non-binary, parents may be out of their depth and not know how best to handle the situation. Ulrich Ritzer-Sachs, a counsellor with Germany's Federal Conference for Child Guidance Counselling (bke), offers some tips: How should you react on learning your child doesn't identify with their assigned sex? Ritzer-Sachs: Stay calm, listen to your child, take them seriously and give them a hug. Taking your child in your arms is always the best thing you can do. You should also consider whether you're ready and able to talk about the matter right away. You may be flummoxed at first and need some time, in which case it's OK to say, "It's great that you're telling me this. Why don't we find another time so that we can talk about it at length?" But then you really must find the time, since it's such an important issue. You can't just discuss it while, say, you're cooking dinner or have just 10 minutes to spare. How can you help your child's gender identity formation if you're not well informed about the subject or aren't comfortable with it? Ritzer-Sachs: You should take your child really seriously and address the subject together. Find out, educate yourself about it and talk to experts. You can find specialized advice centres that are well versed [in transgenderism]. The current state of research says it's wise to accept children and adolescents in their development, whether or not it's as you envisioned it would be. The thinking is that they'll be able to grow up better having found their true gender identity, and live a much happier life if it's not suppressed. No one has to go through this alone. If you're unsure what to say or how to act, it's sometimes a good idea to get professional advice independently of your child, who, after all, has already grappled with the issue and given it a lot of thought before coming out to you. So it's perfectly all right for you to first get clarity, because no matter how equanimous and liberal-minded you are, it's a big challenge and not easy for anyone. Go to an advice centre and ask all the questions rushing through your mind, including those that may be difficult for your child. One concern of parents is that their child could face problems in school or elsewhere on account of not everyone accepting their gender identity. Are there ways you can protect your child? Ritzer-Sachs: That kind of support starts a lot earlier, namely by raising your child to be as self-confident as possible in all areas. You want to help them be able to deal with setbacks as well as successes. You can prepare them for intolerant people they'll come across who may make fun of them. There will always be people who make stupid comments - you've got to let them bounce off. You can't protect your child from this, as it's fairly certain to happen. But it happens in many areas and is part of life. You always have to look at the situation individually. What does your child need? Can they handle it? Can they steer clear of such people? Do you have to speak with the school or peer group? It is always a balancing act, between how much you can bear your child's difficult confrontations, and how much you get involved yourself. I don't think it's any different from going against other norms. The norm is always what the majority does - that doesn't mean it's right or wrong. You can explain this to your child in a way that is appropriate for their age. I wouldn't say, "If you do this, then expect X, Y or Z," but you can imply it. And when the time comes, you can still work together to see what you can do to get through it. Solve the daily Crossword
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13 Sad But Relatable Signs You're Used To Having No Friends
Feeling like you're flying solo in a world of social butterflies? You're not alone. Many people navigate life with few or no close friends, and while it can be a downer, it's a reality some of us face. Here are 13 signs that you're used to having no friends, all served with a dash of relatability and understanding. 1. You're A Pro At Solo Activities You've become an expert at entertaining yourself. Whether it's going to the movies alone or dining solo, you've got it down to a science. Dr. Bella DePaulo, a social scientist, points out that many individuals who live without close friendships often develop fulfilling solo routines that others might overlook. You know how to make a day out of a solo adventure, and it doesn't feel awkward anymore. It's your normal, and sometimes, it even feels empowering. However, there are moments when the weight of being alone hits a little harder. Like when you want to share a funny moment but have no one to text. Or when you spot a great deal on a two-for-one offer but have no one to invite. It's not always easy, but it's a skill you've mastered. You've learned to be your own best company, even if it's not always your first choice. 2. Group Chats Are A Mystery There's a whole world of group chats that you're not a part of. Whenever people talk about their buzzing phone notifications from group messages, you can't really relate. Most of your text threads are one-on-one, and even those might be few and far between. You're used to seeing others' phones light up constantly, while yours stays quiet. It's a constant reminder of the social circle you don't have. But it's not all doom and gloom. You have the peace of not being disturbed by constant pings and notifications. Your phone is your fortress of solitude, and it's kind of nice to have some peace and quiet. You can focus on what you're doing without the distraction of endless messages. It's a different way of living, and you've found a way to make it work for you. 3. Social Media Feels Like A Spectator Sport Scrolling through social media can feel like watching a game from the sidelines. You see posts filled with friends hanging out, sharing laughs, and making memories, and you're just there watching it unfold. According to a study by the University of Pittsburgh, excessive use of social media can exacerbate feelings of loneliness, especially when one perceives oneself as lacking in close friendships. You might hit 'like' on a few posts or leave a comment, but it can feel like a one-sided interaction. It's like you're watching a movie that everyone else is a part of. There's a sense of detachment that can grow from this digital divide. While others are living their lives online and offline with their friends, you often find yourself questioning your own social life. It's easy to feel left out. But sometimes, you've learned to appreciate the anonymity it affords you. You can enjoy the content without getting pulled into the drama. 4. Invitations Are Rare When it comes to parties and get-togethers, your mailbox isn't exactly overflowing with invites. You might hear about them after the fact, through social media or in passing conversation. It's a tough pill to swallow, knowing that you're not on people's radar when it comes to social gatherings. You've come to expect it, though, so the disappointment isn't as sharp as it used to be. It's just another part of your routine. On the flip side, it gives you a lot of free time to do what you want. You don't have to pretend to be excited about an event you weren't thrilled to attend. You can plan your own weekend without waiting on anyone else's schedule. Your time is entirely your own, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. You've learned to embrace the freedom that comes with it. 5. Your Calendar Is Mostly Empty Your calendar is more about doctors' appointments and work meetings than social events. It's not packed with brunch dates or weekend outings. Research by psychologist Julianne Holt-Lunstad shows that having few social relationships can lead to a lonelier lifestyle, which can impact your overall well-being. You've accepted this sparse social landscape as just how things are for you. It's a quiet life, but it's yours. But an empty calendar also means flexibility. When something does come up, you usually don't have to rearrange plans to make it happen. You can decide on a whim to head to the park or enjoy a last-minute movie night. Spontaneity can be your friend when there's less structure. It's a different kind of freedom that not everyone gets to experience. 6. You Celebrate Milestones Alone Birthdays, promotions, and other milestones often come and go quietly. While others might have parties thrown in their honor, you're used to marking these occasions solo. You might treat yourself to something special or indulge in a favorite hobby. You've learned to find joy in your own way, even if it might look a little different from the norm. It's not about the size of the celebration but the meaning you find in it. Still, there are times when it feels like something's missing. Milestones can feel like reminders of your solitude when you see others surrounded by friends. But over time, you've come to appreciate the independence of these moments. They're yours alone, and that makes them unique. You can celebrate exactly how you want without any pressure. 7. Your Phone Hardly Rings Your phone is more of a tool than a lifeline to a bustling social world. It doesn't light up with calls or messages from friends wanting to chat or catch up. According to the American Psychological Association, maintaining social connections, even via phone, is important for mental health, yet many people without close friends rely less on their phones for social reasons. You've gotten used to its silence and find other ways to fill your time. You're not constantly checking your phone, and it's more freeing than you'd think. But sometimes, silence can feel loud. On days when you crave connection, the quiet can amplify loneliness. It's on these days that you might reach out, just to hear a friendly voice. And while the calls might not be frequent, they are cherished. You've learned to appreciate the quality of interaction over quantity. 8. You're The Lone Wolf At Work At work, you tend to keep to yourself while others gather in groups. You might eat lunch alone or avoid the small talk that comes so easily to others. It's not that you don't want to join in; it's just become your default setting over time. You're used to doing your own thing, flying under the radar. It's comfortable, even if it sometimes feels isolating. However, being the lone wolf has its perks. You can focus more on your tasks without getting caught up in office politics. Your productivity can soar when you're not distracted by social obligations. You've honed in on this as a strength rather than a weakness. It's a different path, but it's one that works for you. 9. You Have A Deep Bond With Fictional Characters Books, movies, and TV shows aren't just entertainment for you. They're where you find companionship and understanding. You form connections with characters that feel almost real, filling the gap left by a lack of real-life friendships. You get wrapped up in their stories, their struggles, and their victories. It's an escape, but also a source of comfort. There's something magical about finding a piece of yourself in a fictional world. When life feels a bit empty, these stories offer a refuge. They remind you that everyone, even characters on a page, faces challenges and triumphs. You've found a way to relate to these narratives deeply, which provides a sense of belonging. Fictional characters become friends who never let you down. 10. You're Great At Observing Without the constant chatter of friends, you've become a keen observer of the world around you. You notice the little things that others might overlook in their haste. The nuances of a conversation, the beauty of a sunset, or the intricacies of human behavior catch your attention. It's a skill developed from spending time in solitude. You see the world in detail. This skill has its benefits. You're often the one who can recall small details or understand unspoken cues. Observing gives you insights that others might miss, adding depth to your interactions when they do happen. It's a unique perspective, one that enriches your view of the world. You see things others might miss, and there's power in that. 11. Holidays Are A Mixed Bag Holidays can be bittersweet. While others are bustling with plans and parties, you might find them quiet and introspective. They're reminders of the connections you lack, but also opportunities for self-reflection. You've learned to create your own traditions, finding joy in the small things. It's not always easy, but you make it work. There's a certain kind of peace that comes with not being caught up in the holiday rush. You can relax and enjoy the moment without the stress of expectations. It's a time to recharge and reflect on what truly matters to you. You've made peace with the solitude, finding ways to make these days meaningful. It's an unconventional approach, but it's yours. 12. You're Comfortable With Silence While others might find silence awkward, you embrace it. You've grown accustomed to the quiet that comes with solitude. It's not something that needs to be filled with chatter or noise. Instead, you find it calming and refreshing. Silence has become a canvas for your thoughts and creativity. There's a strength in being comfortable with your own company. You don't feel the need to fill every moment with sound or activity. In silence, you've found clarity and peace. It's a different way to experience the world, but one that offers its own rewards. You've learned to appreciate the beauty in quiet moments, making them your own. 13. You Value Deep Connections Because you have few friends, you value depth over breadth in relationships. Superficial small talk isn't your thing; you crave meaningful conversations. You treasure the few connections you do have, knowing their true worth. It's not about how many people you know, but how well you know them. This makes your interactions rich and fulfilling. While the lack of a large social circle is noticeable, it's the quality of friendships that matters most to you. You invest in these relationships, nurturing them with care and attention. It's about building bonds that stand the test of time. You've learned to appreciate the profound connections you've created. They bring warmth and meaning to your life. Solve the daily Crossword
