SBS Easy French Ep 251 : Le journal du 03/06/2025 #SBSEasyFrench
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SBS Australia
7 hours ago
- SBS Australia
Love, warmth, 'gentle smacks'. Ben says his parenting method helps his children flourish
How are parents raising resilient kids in an age of constant judgement and conflicting advice? Insight hears from parents navigating generational differences, social pressures and childhood baggage. Watch Insight episode Modern Parenting Tuesday 19 August 8.30PM on SBS or live on SBS On Demand . Ben Smart, 32, says he has felt like an outlier since becoming a dad at 22. The evangelical pastor remembers attending an antenatal class and thinking: "Am I the only guy in this room that doesn't have any grey hair?" Ben and his wife had three children when they were in their early 20s — a decision he says was strongly influenced by their Christian faith. When it comes to his parenting approach, Ben says he aims for a balance between high love and high discipline. "A lot of affirmation and love and warmth, but also those firm boundaries that actually help them have guardrails — within which they can flourish," he told Insight. Ben and his wife with their three children. Source: Supplied Ben says he has smacked his children as a form of discipline, but "never in anger, and as part of a conversation". "When we say no, we actually are going to follow through on that..." he said. Corporal punishment is not legal within schools or educational settings within Australia; but remains legal in most states and territories if it is given by a parent but only if the force used is 'reasonable'. Ben says that in their family, a "gentle smack" is followed by a conversation, prayer, then reconciliation. "Our children can trust us when we say: 'you can do this', 'you can't do that'. They know what the consequence is," he said. "And so, within those frameworks, it gives them a lot of freedom and trust to be able to live." Ben also places strong emphasis on developing his kids' independence and believes building resilience starts from a young age. "I think it's certainly been increasingly widely recognised that we do live in an increasingly kind of helicopter parenting mode. And there's a lot of hyper attention on our children," he said. "Recognising actually our kids are capable of a lot more than we think they are ... We're trying to give them more and more freedom outside the home." Millennials are parenting differently Amy Molloy says that discipline can be a "minefield" and for her, is the most difficult aspect of parenting to navigate. She says millennial parents, like herself, were told not to smack or yell but weren't given clear alternatives. "It does feel a little bit like we had all our tools taken away, without giving a replacement," Amy told Insight. "No naughty corner, no taking things away from them if they've done something 'wrong'. But, what are we doing instead?" She feels this is what is missing from conversations surrounding more 'conscious' and 'gentle' models of parenting. Amy, who was raised in a strict Catholic household, also believes her generation is making the conscious decision to parent differently to how they were parented. For her, this involves taking an approach more aligned with 'gentle parenting', which prioritises connection, empathy and positive discipline. "My kids are wild. I always say they're like outdoor cats. They are not indoor cats ... [They] don't even sit at a table to eat dinner," she said. Rather than demanding obedience, Amy embraces a parenting style that encourages freedom and autonomy. "We don't ask [obedience] of them. It's not in my values. I love that they are self-expressive and really know themselves." Bribes and rewards Gen Muir is an obstetric social worker and parent educator who says that many millennial parents were raised with harsh styles of discipline. "Most of us were raised with the sticks — so threats, punishments, smacking, time outs," she said. "Many millennial parents are ... using bribes and distraction, and reward charts on the fridge, and sort of hoping for the best ... " Muir says: "When we go to the threats and the punishments, our kids' cortisol goes up and usually behaviour gets worse. It doesn't work, and it creates a disconnect with the bribes and the rewards. It can work, but not when our kids are dysregulated." Gen Muir is a parenting educator and has four kids of her own. Source: Supplied Muir is also the mother of four adolescent boys. While there are many different parenting techniques and approaches, one Muir finds helpful — in constructively setting boundaries — is the "empathy sandwich". "It's basically like: 'I really hear what you wish or want was going to happen right now, and I can hear that you want the biscuit. That's really hard. My answer is no.' And that's quite clear," she said. "We follow that with empathy: 'You're allowed to be upset about it'." Muir says this is a method with which parents can learn to set limits with their children. She says her approach is to be really firm about the boundary but to deliver it with kindness and empathy. Muir also notes modern parenting comes with a lot of pressure, particularly with conflicting information and opinions online available. She encourages parents to remember self-compassion and balance. "I apply the information that I teach 30 per cent of the time — not 100 per cent of the time — because none of us are meant to parent sitting on the floor, welcoming every feeling our child has 100 per cent of the time." "It is not what kids need and it's a recipe for burnout for parents." 'A lack of accountability for students' Cath Lorenz says she regrets not being stricter with her two now-adult children, and admires how her parents raised her — with firm boundaries and expectations. "I don't feel I've had that strength or consistency with my own children ... I wish I had been a little bit more consistent, with potential consequences for overstepping those boundaries," she said. Cath was a teacher for 25 years and says she observed significant changes in students' behaviour throughout that time. "There's a real difference in the concept of respect, and there seems to be, these days, a lack of accountability for students," she said. Cath left her teaching career due to feeling there was a lack of support in managing students' behaviour. "If there was a student who was dysregulated or having trouble, for whatever reason, it was back on me. It was 'my fault, I wasn't trying hard enough'." "When I used to spend so much of my time worrying about my students outside of my school time that I wasn't giving my enough time to my own children — and that had to stop." Cath left the teaching profession due to feeling there was a lack of support in managing pupils' behaviour. Source: Supplied Building resilience early Ben recognises it can be hard to "let them have some independence and not be watched all the time" in city settings. But living in a suburban area, he and his wife now encourage their children to go down to the local shops to pick up the odd grocery item. "And so we say to the three kids: 'Hey, here's a $10 note'. "Go down, pick up some milk, you can have a dollar worth of lollies each." He said this provides a bit of incentive and excites the kids and they look forward to it. "Our oldest is like: 'Oh my goodness, this is really scary. I'm anxious.' "And yet she did it. And she was so proud of herself."
ABC News
9 hours ago
- ABC News
Parents warned about hiring nannies and babysitters as families turn away from childcare centres
Child safety experts are warning parents to be vigilant when hiring babysitters and nannies, as families reject formal daycare settings amid ongoing revelations of abuse and neglect. Parents are increasingly looking at alternative forms of childcare as governments grapple with how to improve child safety in daycare centres. "I sent my older two to daycare at eight months," said Sydney mother, Sarah, who didn't want to use her real name. "But by the time I had my third child, there's been all the allegations and stuff, so I was really reluctant to send her somewhere that I didn't have a personal recommendation for. "So we have been paying for a nanny. But the cost of using a nanny is not ideal." The ABC has spoken with dozens of parents reporting the same thing, and even Facebook parenting groups show a flurry of activity as people hunt for babysitters and nannies. Professional nannying services are also seeing an increase in business. "Lots of families do seem like they are losing faith in the childcare system and they're just not willing to roll the dice of these terrible things that are happening," said Lauren Brown, the owner and founder of Nanager and a volunteer board member of the Australian Nanny Association. "So across the board, we are noticing that inquiries are growing." A group called For Parents is taking it one step further and has called on the federal government with a petition to expand the child care subsidy scheme to cover the use of babysitters, nannies and grandparents for care at home. "I think parents around the country we've heard from are losing trust in the system, but they don't have another choice," said Jen Flemming, the co-founder of For Parents. "We would really like fundamentally for parents to have more choice over who is looking after their children." There is a subsidised in-home care scheme available to 3,200 families only, who have unique circumstances such as geographic isolation, unusual working hours or complex family situations that make regular childcare unavailable or not suitable. Mrs Flemming wants that extended. "What we're asking for is the scheme that all kids are eligible for within those parameters that currently exist to give those families more choice. "We believe that there are a lot of low and middle-income families who would significantly stand to benefit from this change," she said, arguing against the subsidies going to a lot of "for-profit childcare centres". Outside of professional nanny agencies, nannies, babysitters, and au pairs who are hired casually are not at all regulated by government agencies. While the Australian Nanny Organisation says it is a requirement for nannies to have a Working with Children Check, it is not policed or enforced in casual settings. Babysitters and nannies don't have to have a police check, first aid certificate or even a tax file number, since many transactions are often cash-based. National Children's Commissioner Anne Hollonds said any care inside someone's home, whether it was family daycare or with a nanny, had "risks that need to be attended to". "We need to have the same high standards for child safety and wellbeing, whatever the type of care it is," she said. As Ms Brown points out, this type of care, if not managed properly, can pose an even bigger risk because families are basically "welcoming a stranger into their home". "There are those carers that might not be in it for the right reasons. They're in it to go and meet their friend for a play date or, you know, maybe more sinister reasons," she said. In June, a Perth man was charged with sexual offences against children he babysat and in November last year, South Australian police charged a young female babysitter with criminal neglect of a toddler after he was found with suspicious injuries. Professor Michael Salter, director of Child Light at UNSW, which is part of the Global Child Safety Institute, pointed out that there were long-standing issues around the provision of care at home because there was less oversight. In his line of work, Dr Salter said he had come across decades of examples of abuse and neglect at the hands of babysitters or nannies. "It is quite common when we're interviewing or speaking with survivors of child abuse and neglect that some of them will talk about abuse that's being perpetrated, whether it's by a babysitter, whether it's by somebody who's provided in-home care." Babysitters, nannies and au pairs are often essential for families, given the lack of intergenerational living and 'the village'. So, is it possible to make it safer? The group For Parents wants the federal government to include nannies and babysitters in a national register if the subsidy were to be extended to this cohort. Mrs Flemming said it would be similar to OFSTED in the UK, where carers receive a registration number once they have submitted the necessary checks. "It gives parents that sense of reassurance that the person they are talking to has been through a government registration programme," she added. Ms Hollonds agreed. "If we're expanding in any way the use of nannies or other home-based care, then I think those people who are providing the care should be registered and should be checked for their suitability as we have for early childhood educators in other settings," she said. But it would require a lot more resourcing for regulators. Ms Hollonds also warned parents when using nannies or babysitters, particularly if they were found informally, to be "extremely cautious in who they choose to care for their children". That would include ensuring they have a valid and current working-with-children check and police check. Professional nanny Lauren Brown said parents should also check for first aid and CPR certificates, and even run a social media scan. "But I stress this to everyone: call references, speak to someone who knows this person who's worked with this person."
SBS Australia
20 hours ago
- SBS Australia
Trending Ngayon: Filipino Chef Miko Aspiras' jaw-dropping ‘Botanical Garden' on MasterChef Australia
SBS acknowledges the Traditional Custodians of Country and their connections and continuous care for the skies, lands and waterways throughout Australia.
