7 Tips For Being A Great Cookout Guest, From A Pro

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23-05-2025

Memorial Day is right around the corner, which means it's almost time for one of America's greatest seasonal traditions: a cookout that starts at 2 p.m. and somehow ends 10 hours later with someone falling asleep in a lawn chair holding half a warm White Claw. (To be clear: I live for it.)
No matter how big, small, or chaotic your Memorial Day barbecue is, it's undoubtedly a sacred summer ritual, and one that can go south fast if guests don't know how to act.
Whether you realize it or not, you've definitely committed a cookout "sin" or two. That elaborate rack of ribs you brought par-cooked for the host to finish on the grill? It threw off their entire grilling schedule, even if they ultimately stole the show; actually, that made the host even madder. When you showed up 15 minutes early to "help," you actually sent your sister-in-law into an anxiety spiral as she raced to set out the cocktail station. For all the Ina Garten and Martha Stewart books on hosting dinner parties like a pro, rulebooks on good "guesting" are harder to come by and mistakes are shockingly easy to make.
To save us all from our worst selves, I called in Casey Elsass — the cookbook author, recipe developer, and certified bring-something-to-the-party expert. His new cookbook, What Can I Bring?, is full of dishes meant to travel and enhance any food gathering you're going to, from holiday cookouts to intimate dinner parties; think pickled potato salad, show-stopping Jell-O shots, and a seven-onion dip that'll have people fighting over the bowl of Ruffles.
Here are seven easy ways to avoid the biggest Memorial Day cookout mistakes as a guest, according to someone who literally wrote the book on being a good one.
Match the dish you bring to your personality...AKA your arrival time.
You know who you are, even if you sometimes need a stark reminder. "Be honest about what kind of guest you are," Casey told Tasty. "If you're always on time, bring appetizers. If you're reliably late, bring a drink. If you're stopping by later, bring dessert. If you're bringing nothing else, bring a present."
This is a judgment-free zone — no one is asking you to change who you are. Just be honest with yourself and plan accordingly. Why show up 30 minutes after dinner with a sad pasta salad when you could show up at the same time with an ooey-gooey cobbler (or Casey's Birthday Suit Cake) and steal the show?
On the subject of arrival time, don't show up early, no matter how "polite" you think it may be.
According to Casey, an early guest is just "someone you have to host before you're ready." Getting a party started never goes according to schedule when you're the host, and the last thing they want is to feel obligated to entertain when things are still mid-setup.
"If you're truly trying to help," Casey says, "shoot them a text first." Ask the host if they even want (or need!) help in the first place. Some will emphatically say yes, some will politely pass, but it's not up to you to decide what your host does or doesn't need.
Room temperature is almost always the way to go.
Cookouts are hotbeds of chaos, and I'm talking literal heat, with cooler innards slowly turning into lukewarm puddles and complicated grilling Tetris to ensure everything's perfectly hot when it's time to serve. The last thing a host needs is you showing up with a lukewarm casserole and a dream.
"The best guests show up with a dish that's ready to go without needing a shelf in the fridge or a rack in the oven," Casey says. "If your favorite recipe is an exception to this rule, just clear it with your host ahead of time so they're in on the plan."
Sure, your piping-hot baked brie might be amazing as a party app. But if it throws off the entire flow and turns the host into a makeshift sous chef, it's not the move. Stick to room-temp, low-maintenance dishes that can hang on the table for hours and still taste great. (Casey's book has too many to count.)
In the era of Google Docs, there's no excuse to show up with six bags of chips for one bowl of dip. In other words, check in with your host about the menu ahead of time.
This note is valid for guests and hosts alike: be smart about planning! If you're the guest, don't make assumptions. Even a quick text check-in with the host can save the cookout from a cooler of only hard seltzers or a dessert-less end to the evening.
If you're hosting, give your guests a sense of what else you need by sending out a spreadsheet or list with what's already covered and what else you'd love to have. "Make sure your guests know what to bring and check that any gaps in the menu are covered," Casey recommends.
Don't expect the host to supply everything you need to succeed.
"Besides having your food ready to go, make sure you pack everything you need," Casey says. "Their home is not your Williams Sonoma. Serving utensils, a big bowl, or special cups are your responsibility.'
If you're bringing a salad, bring tongs. If you made a cake, bring a knife — or, "just ask ahead of time so you know you're covered," he added. Don't expect your host to MacGyver a solution when you roll in with a plate of food and some vibes.
Don't like to cook? Bring a disposable camera.
According to Casey, it's a hit every time. "Every birthday, backyard, cocktail, surprise, holiday, pool, and housewarming party absolutely needs an analog presence," he says. "Make it known that there's a camera up for grabs and let everyone go nuts." Guests love it, and nothing says "core memory" like a blurry film photo of someone mid-cornhole toss.
Casey's pro tip: "Develop the pictures digitally and send a download link to the other guests so you can all relive the night a week later." In that instance, you're not just a good guest — you're the fun guest.
The importance of a "thank you" cannot be overstated.
This one's deceptively simple, but it matters more than you think. "I once had a friend over for a dinner party and two business days later, there was a card sitting in my mailbox simply saying thank you," says Casey. "It's a small but impactful gesture."
For new (or new-ish) friends or an important event, thank-you cards are always appreciated. For close friends, you can be more casual. "Don't be awkward and send your besties an earnest card (mail them the most inappropriate Hallmark card you can find)," Casey said. Instead, just a simple, sincere text speaks volumes.
Now that you've mastered all these rules, there's one last job that's critical to keep in mind, and it might be more important than any piece of cookout etiquette to begin with: Really enjoy being with people. Casey's idea for What Can I Bring? was born out of the pandemic: "I spent years taking for granted how easily we could get together, then suddenly it wasn't an option anymore," he told me. "I said the title as a joke in a group chat, and then was like, Hold on, that's a great idea."
As chaotic as they can be, get-togethers like Memorial Day cookouts can be the perfect opportunity for you, as a guest, to really show up for people and soak in some genuine connection. After all, the one golden "guesting" rule, above all else, is that thoughtfulness is everything, whether you're showing it through the food you bring or the vibes you contribute. Casey puts it best: "The moments you look forward to all week, and then remember for a long time after, always have food at the center."
Hungry for more? Download the free Tasty app for iOS and Android to explore our library of 7,500+ recipes (including hundreds fit for a cookout). No subscription required!