"Food Has Become a Memory": My Hunger Diary in Gaza
Sara Awad is a freelance writer and English literature student with a passion for literature and everything related to it.
Here in Gaza, we are enduring the suffocating siege imposed by the Israeli government in order to make us starve, in a deliberate attack against us Gazans.
Today marks the 89th day of the starvation war. I woke up with a dizzy feeling in my head as I had not eaten anything since yesterday morning. My stomach needed its sense of normalcy.
My family and I poured our energy into securing the only meal of the day. We often spend approximately half a day only thinking about what our meal will be. My family is making every possible effort to fill our hungry stomachs, but I can see their powerlessness on their faces. My thoughts go immediately to my youngest siblings Ahmed, 10, and Yame, just 4 years old. They cannot endure or understand that no food is available to eat, and I feel helpless when I do not have anything to offer them. I have always wondered why children must suffer! What do they do to deserve this denial? The only food for the day for a family of eight. Photo: Sara Awad
My mom baked eight pieces of bread, one for each of our family members, and each one of us chooses the way to eat it. For me, I choose to separate it into two portions — the second is for dinner. Very small portions for a person who does not eat enough for months. And we do not know when the next bread will come along.
After spending hours lost in thoughts and planning on what we will do for food, my family gave in to paying impossible prices. A single kilo of flour, if we are lucky to find it, now costs us nearly 90 shekels (around 25 U.S. dollars) when it used to be only 3 shekels ($1). This price doesn't stay stable; some days, it reaches more than $40 for a kilo. These are unthinkable prices for most Gazan families, already overwhelmed by the destroyed economy, living without livelihood for months.
Just to secure our only meal of the day, we have to sacrifice more and more to get our basic needs met.
Even if we can reach that one kilo of flour to fill our stomachs, reaching paper cash is an impossible task. ATM machines and bank branches have been mostly destroyed by Israeli bombs, and mobile payments are hardly used. So we have to exchange money, and are forced to pay the enormous commission fees, which nowadays reach up to 40 or 45 percent. Just to secure our only meal of the day, we have to sacrifice more and more to get our basic needs met.
I hope our suffering ends with bread, yet even bread is no longer enough. Our bodies need more. The most luxurious food available in Gaza's markets come in just a few varieties. Eggplant, rice, unripe tomatoes and little else. All the items I mentioned are overpriced, and families who have the luxury of putting the food on tables are very rare and lucky.
Food itself is now 'luxurious,' and most of it has vanished in Gaza: Milk, meat, vegetables, fruits have all become a daily dream, not a daily reality. Only some beans and lentils remain in Gaza's streets. They absolutely will run out at any given moment, just like everything else does.
Read our complete coverage My Body Speaks
From the body's perspective, we are all off-balance, dizzying, with foggy eyesight. Not from illness, but from the feeling of hunger.
I am currently working as a freelance writer beside my studies at university, yet I cannot pour energy into fulfilling my duties. My brain is forgetting more than I remember; my body is constantly weak from the lack of essential nutrients and vitamins I have lost throughout this ongoing starvation. Studying and writing is costing me a lot of energy, and I'm trying my best to save my energies for studying and writing, but all my trying is just getting failed by hunger. I tend to be silent rather than talking, as talking requires power that I do not have these days.
And that is about my body — just 21 years old — but what about the elderly people, the injured in hospitals, and the disabled people who are dying of this hunger? What is happening to their bodies? My thoughts are on those people starved by the hour. The daily bread, baked. Photo: Sara Awad
My mother is one of the injured. She had spinal cord surgery back in February, and she is going through a physical therapy session, so she is in the most serious condition to require healthy food. The fact that I do not even have the option to provide her with food is killing me every single time I see her in her fragile body. Then there is my father. He has hypertension and he must balance his food, but he refuses to eat all his portions of bread; he sacrifices it to my mother. Even in war, love is stronger than suffering itself.
Food has become a memory. I dream of a big family meal, multiple meals filled with meat and chicken, and I dream of cooking my favorite meal again. I am fed up with empty plates. I am tired, tired of looking at past meals on my photo albums. I long for my past days, when food was a routine, not a matter of bare survival.
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Boston Globe
2 hours ago
- Boston Globe
The desperate struggle to squeeze aid into a starving Gaza
Advertisement Now Israel is pausing the fighting in some parts of Gaza each day to help aid convoys move, approving some imported food for sale in Gaza and allowing aid to be airdropped. But all of it is far too little, far too late, aid officials say. Nothing less than a ceasefire will allow the necessary avalanche of aid to flow safely into Gaza, they say. Israeli leaders' decision to take control of Gaza City throws the aid system into further doubt. To have a real impact, aid agencies say Israel needs to allow in the hundreds of thousands of pallets of aid languishing outside Gaza -- enough to cover around 100 soccer fields, they say -- and help ensure that the aid can be distributed safely. Letting in small numbers of trucks and airdropping supplies is little more than a public relations stunt, aid officials contend. Advertisement 'It's a joke, it's all just theatrics,' Bushra Khalidi, an aid official working on Oxfam's response in Gaza, said last week. 'We're talking about 2 million people. It's not 100 trucks or a pausing or a few hours of calm that is going to meet the needs of a population that has been starved for months,' Khalidi said. 'Starvation has a long-term impact, and it affects growth of children, and it's not something that you can reverse by throwing energy bars from the sky.' Israel says that the level of hunger has been exaggerated and that it is doing its best to lessen it. Israel's military spokesperson has said there is no starvation in Gaza. The Israeli agency coordinating aid for Gaza did not respond to a request for comment. Israel has also blamed the United Nations for not bringing in more food, while the organization says that Israel frequently denies or delays its requests to bring in convoys, among other challenges. Many aid workers say airdrops endanger desperate people while feeding only a few, and only those physically able to retrieve it. During previous airdrops, people have been injured by falling aid; others have drowned or crossed into combat zones to retrieve packages that fell there, officials say. When he recently saw a plane drop aid by parachute, Mohammed Abu Taha, 43, who is sheltering in southern Gaza, ran toward it. By the time he arrived, other Palestinians were fighting over the remaining bags of food. 'People are too desperate,' he said. 'I ran a lot and got nothing at all.' Advertisement Each airdrop delivers at most two truckloads of aid, and usually less, aid officials said. 'Airdrops are the most ineffective, expensive way of delivering aid possible,' said Bob Kitchen, who oversees emergency response at the International Rescue Committee, a group working in Gaza. With nearly 1 in 3 people going without food for days at a time, according to the United Nations, clinics treating malnutrition are at or over capacity. Children are becoming too weak to scavenge through trash for food or even to cry, aid workers say. An international group of experts said in late July that famine thresholds had been reached across much of Gaza. Health officials there say scores of people have died from malnutrition, including dozens of children, though aid workers say that is probably an undercount. Aid workers say that number could potentially climb to the tens or hundreds of thousands without a rapid surge in aid. Weakened by months of extreme deprivation, people have few defenses left to stop illnesses as ordinary as diarrhea from killing them. And those diseases are rampant. The number of people with acute watery diarrhea increased by 150% from March to June, and those with bloody diarrhea by 302%, health data from aid agencies shows. Those figures, which include only people who can reach medical centers, are most likely an undercount, according to Oxfam. Staving off famine therefore depends not only on food, but also on fuel to run hospitals, cooking gas to make meals and clean water and sanitation to keep waterborne diseases in check -- all of which are absent or nearly absent from Gaza, aid workers say. Aid agencies have received 200 to 300 trucks in Gaza each day for the past several days, the Israeli agency coordinating aid said. They mainly carried flour along with prepared meals, infant formula, high-energy biscuits, diapers, vaccines and fuel, the United Nations said. Before the war, Gaza received 500 to 600 trucks a day of aid and goods for sale. Advertisement The flour provides calories, but will not save those who are severely malnourished after nearly two years of deprivation, aid workers say. Malnourished people need specialized feeding and care. Yet hospitals have few supplies left. David M. 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Cosmopolitan
6 hours ago
- Cosmopolitan
These 35 surnames have been identified as having royal connections: See if yours is on the list
Hear ye, hear ye! If you've ever felt that there's just a certain... regal energy to you, or that you'd have made a really good king or queen, or at least a decent noblewoman, it turns out there could be a reason behind that. The DNA-testing and family tree site MyHeritage has identified a list of 35 surnames that have strong royal connections to them, and some are actually pretty common. While it doesn't mean you're next in line for the throne if you have one of the below surnames, it could give an indicator that somewhere in your family tree there's a person (or persons!) of note with connections to the crown. Which is pretty exciting, wouldn't you say? And certainly worth digging into. Here's the list of surnames that could mean you're distantly relate to Prince William, Henry VII or someone else who has rocked a crown in their daily life/has a bunch of land/fancy title. 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Orange-Nassau This is the Dutch royal family's surname – and is why orange-coloured carrots grew in popularity during the 17th century, as farmers tried to grow the brightest ones possible as a tribute to their monarch. Oldenburg This royal house encompasses members of the current Danish royal family. Glucksburg An offshoot of the Oldenburg clan, Glucksburg is also connected with both Danish and Norwegian royalty. Romanov The surname of the last imperial dynasty to rule over Russia. A name that can be traced all the way back to the medieval era, this family has a string of Earls of Arundel in its bloodline. The Russell family bore the Dukes of Bedford. With both English and French royal links, if this is your surname you're in with a double shot of being regal. Congrats! The Dukes of Rutland descend from the Manners family tree. The Cavendish family still holds the title of Duke of Devonshire. The current Duke is Peregrine Cavendish, who is the twelfth to bare the title having inherited it in 2004. This noble family name still holds the the Earldom of Shrewsbury. The current Earl of Shrewsbury is the casually named Charles Henry John Benedict Crofton Chetwynd Chetwynd-Talbot. Jennifer Savin is Cosmopolitan UK's multiple award-winning Features Editor, who was crowned Digital Journalist of the Year for her work tackling the issues most important to young women. She regularly covers breaking news, cultural trends, health, the royals and more, using her esteemed connections to access the best experts along the way. She's grilled everyone from high-profile politicians to A-list celebrities, and has sensitively interviewed hundreds of people about their real life stories. In addition to this, Jennifer is widely known for her own undercover investigations and campaign work, which includes successfully petitioning the government for change around topics like abortion rights and image-based sexual abuse. Jennifer is also a published author, documentary consultant (helping to create BBC's Deepfake Porn: Could You Be Next?) and a patron for Y.E.S. (a youth services charity). Alongside Cosmopolitan, Jennifer has written for The Times, Women's Health, ELLE and numerous other publications, appeared on podcasts, and spoken on (and hosted) panels for the Women of the World Festival, the University of Manchester and more. In her spare time, Jennifer is a big fan of lipstick, leopard print and over-ordering at dinner. Follow Jennifer on Instagram, X or LinkedIn.
Yahoo
6 hours ago
- Yahoo
13 Phrases People Use When They're Afraid To Be Vulnerable
So, you're chatting with friends or maybe in a meeting, and suddenly you hear someone say something that seems like an emotional dodge. You've probably even said a few of these things yourself. It's completely normal to want to protect ourselves, but sometimes, what we say is just a shield. Being vulnerable can be daunting, and we all have phrases we lean on to keep our guards up. Let's dig into some of these expressions and what might be lurking beneath the surface. 1. "I'm Fine, Really." This phrase seems harmless enough, but it often hides a lot more than it reveals. When you say "I'm fine," what you might really mean is that you're not okay but aren't ready to open up about it. According to Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor and expert on vulnerability, acknowledging our emotions is a critical step in building genuine connections. She highlights that while saying "I'm fine" is socially acceptable, it's also a missed opportunity for real interaction. When you catch yourself saying this, ask if it's serving you or just keeping you safe from perceived judgment. When others say they're fine, consider probing a bit deeper if you sense something's off. A simple "Are you sure?" or "You seem a bit off today" can create an opening for a more honest conversation. Often, people don't even realize they're slipping into autopilot with this kind of response. It's a conditioned reaction, stemming from a fear of being seen as needy or burdening others with our problems. Encouraging openness, even in small ways, can help break the cycle of emotional invisibility. 2. "I Don't Care." When you hear someone say "I don't care," it might sound like a dismissal, but it's worth considering what's behind the words. Often, this phrase is used as a defense mechanism to protect against disappointment or vulnerability. By claiming detachment, you can avoid the risk of showing that you're emotionally invested. This can be particularly common in situations where caring could lead to rejection or failure. Saying you don't care becomes a preemptive shield against hurt feelings. If you find yourself using this phrase frequently, ask yourself what you're trying to protect. It's possible that you do care, but you're afraid of the outcomes if you admit it. Acknowledging this can be the first step in shifting how you handle such situations. Instead of saying "I don't care," try expressing a more nuanced feeling. You might find that opening up leads to more honest and rewarding interactions. 3. "It Doesn't Matter." On the surface, "it doesn't matter" can sound dismissive, but it often masks fear of confronting issues head-on. This phrase can be a way to downplay feelings or situations that seem too daunting to address. According to clinical psychologist Dr. Susan David, avoiding emotional truth can lead to greater stress and disconnection over time. She suggests that acknowledging what truly matters to you is essential for emotional health. When you say it doesn't matter, you might be ignoring something important that needs attention. Consider whether you're using this phrase to avoid conflict or tough conversations. If so, think about what it would mean to face the issue directly. Sometimes, just identifying what actually matters can help in resolving underlying tensions. If you're on the receiving end, gently encourage the person to articulate their thoughts more fully. This can foster a more open and trusting environment where everyone feels heard. 4. "I'm Just Busy." Telling someone you're just busy can be a polite way to avoid deeper engagement. Life is hectic, sure, but this phrase sometimes covers up feelings of overwhelm or reluctance to connect on a deeper level. It's an easy out that doesn't require much explanation or emotional exposure. But often, when you say you're too busy, you're shielding yourself from potential vulnerability. It's as if by staying busy, you avoid the risk of facing emotions you might not be ready to handle. Being busy can sometimes become a badge of honor, masking loneliness or the fear of stillness, where uncomfortable thoughts might surface. If this is a go-to phrase for you, reflect on whether your schedule is genuinely packed or if it's a convenient excuse. When others say it, consider offering help or suggesting a specific time to reconnect. This can help break through the barrier of busyness and lead to more meaningful interactions. 5. "I'm Just Tired." Saying "I'm just tired" can be a catch-all excuse when you don't want to delve into how you're really feeling. While it's perfectly normal to be tired, this phrase often deflects more than it reveals. Research by Dr. Matthew Walker, a sleep expert, shows that while physical tiredness is real, emotional fatigue often accompanies unresolved feelings. If you're frequently using tiredness as a reason to avoid engagement, consider what else might be at play. Maybe it's stress, worry, or even sadness that's wearing you down. When someone tells you they're just tired, it might be worth probing gently to see if there's more to the story. You can offer a listening ear or suggest a low-key way to unwind together. Sometimes, what we need is not just rest, but a chance to unload emotional baggage in a safe space. On your part, if you're hiding behind this phrase, try to identify the root of your fatigue. Addressing these concerns can lead to both better rest and more fulfilling interactions. 6. "I Don't Want To Talk About It." This is a straightforward way to shut down a conversation before it starts. While there are times when you're genuinely not ready to discuss something, this phrase often acts as a wall. It signals to others that their curiosity or concern isn't welcome, which can push people away over time. If you're using this phrase often, consider what's making you reluctant to open up. Maybe you're afraid of judgment, or perhaps you haven't processed your feelings enough to articulate them. When someone tells you they don't want to talk about it, respect their boundary but remain approachable. Let them know you're there whenever they decide they're ready to discuss it. Often, just knowing someone is willing to listen makes it easier to eventually open up. For yourself, practice identifying the feelings that make you want to shut down conversations. This can offer insight into your emotional landscape and help you find other ways to express your needs. 7. "It's Whatever." Saying "it's whatever" can give off a vibe of indifference, but it often conceals deeper feelings. It's a phrase that allows you to dismiss a situation without having to engage emotionally. Psychologist Dr. Guy Winch points out that such dismissive language can be a sign of emotional avoidance. He emphasizes the importance of recognizing and addressing our true feelings, rather than brushing them off. If you're using this phrase, ask yourself if you're genuinely indifferent or if you're hiding behind it to avoid vulnerability. When someone uses this phrase with you, it might be worth digging a little deeper to understand their true feelings. They might need a nudge to open up, even if they appear nonchalant. Offering a safe space to talk can help them feel more comfortable engaging. On your end, practice expressing more specific emotions rather than defaulting to "it's whatever." This can lead to more genuine interactions and a better understanding of yourself and others. 8. "I'll Handle It." By saying "I'll handle it," you might think you're showing strength, but it can also be a way of shutting others out. It's a phrase that can convey self-reliance, yet it often masks a reluctance to let others in. You might be afraid of being perceived as incapable or weak if you accept help. This phrase can create a barrier, preventing you from forming connections through shared burdens. If you tend to say this a lot, consider whether it's a genuine statement or more of a protective mechanism. When others use this phrase, it might be because they feel pressured to maintain a facade of control. Offering support, even if it's not immediately accepted, can help break through that barrier over time. Encourage them to see that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness but a way to build deeper, more trusting relationships. In your own life, reflect on moments when accepting help could lead to more positive outcomes. Embracing vulnerability can often strengthen the bonds you have with those around you. 9. "I'm Not Interested." This phrase can be a straightforward way to express disinterest, but it often carries a hidden layer of insecurity or fear. You might say you're not interested to avoid putting yourself in a situation where you feel exposed or uncomfortable. Sometimes, it's easier to feign disinterest than to confront the emotions tied to taking a risk or stepping out of your comfort zone. If this is a common phrase for you, explore whether it's genuine or a shield. Recognizing the difference can help you make more intentional choices about what you pursue. When someone tells you they're not interested, consider what might be driving their response. They might be using it to protect themselves from vulnerability or rejection. Instead of taking it at face value, try to understand their perspective and offer reassurance. On your end, practice distinguishing between true disinterest and fear-based avoidance. This awareness can lead to more honest decision-making and deeper connections. 10. "I Don't Want To Bother You." Telling someone you don't want to bother them often stems from a fear of being a burden. It can be an excuse to withhold feelings or requests, even when you might genuinely need support. While it may appear considerate, it can also prevent you from forming deeper connections. If this is a frequent phrase for you, consider whether it's rooted in a fear of vulnerability. Acknowledging this can help you ask for help when you really need it. When you hear someone say they don't want to bother you, consider reassuring them that they're not a burden. Encouraging open communication can help them feel more comfortable reaching out in the future. It's important for both parties to understand that seeking support is a natural part of any relationship. For yourself, practice identifying moments when this phrase might be holding you back. Embracing vulnerability can lead to more authentic connections and personal growth. 11. "I'm Over It." Saying "I'm over it" might imply closure, but it's often a way to avoid dealing with lingering emotions. You might use this phrase to convince yourself or others that you've moved past something, even if that's not entirely true. By dismissing your feelings, you can sidestep vulnerability and the discomfort of addressing unresolved issues. If this is a common phrase for you, consider whether you're truly over it or just avoiding deeper emotions. Taking time to process your feelings can lead to genuine healing and growth. When someone tells you they're over it, be mindful that there might be more beneath the surface. Encouraging them to share their thoughts can open the door to a more honest conversation. Offering a listening ear can help them feel supported and understood. In your own life, reflect on moments where this phrase might be a cover for unresolved feelings. Confronting these emotions can lead to a more fulfilling and emotionally healthy life. 12. "I Can't Right Now." This phrase can serve as an easy way to dodge commitments or emotional conversations. While it's perfectly fine to set boundaries, frequently using this phrase can indicate a fear of vulnerability. It's a way to create distance and maintain control over your emotional exposure. If you often say "I can't right now," explore whether you're genuinely unable or just avoiding potential discomfort. Understanding your motivations can help you make more conscious choices about when to engage and when to set boundaries. When someone uses this phrase with you, respect their boundary but remain open to future engagement. Let them know you're there whenever they're ready to talk or participate. This can help them feel supported without pressure. On your end, practice identifying the reasons behind your use of this phrase. Being honest with yourself can lead to more authentic interactions and a better understanding of your emotional needs. 13. "It Is What It Is." Saying "it is what it is" can sound like acceptance, but it often masks a reluctance to engage with deeper emotions. This phrase can be a way to conclude a conversation without delving into underlying feelings. By accepting things as they are, you avoid the discomfort of vulnerability or the challenge of seeking change. If this is a phrase you rely on, consider whether it's truly acceptance or just emotional avoidance. Understanding this can help you decide when to take action and when to genuinely let things be. When you hear someone use this phrase, it might be worth exploring what's underneath their acceptance. Encouraging them to share their thoughts can lead to a more open dialogue. By offering support, you can help them feel more comfortable expressing their true feelings. In your own life, reflect on moments where this phrase might be limiting your emotional exploration. Embracing vulnerability can lead to more meaningful connections and personal growth. Solve the daily Crossword
