Michelle Obama says the ‘ultimate job' for a parent is to let kids fail and build resilience
Former first lady Michelle Obama expressed the importance of parents 'extending the leash' by letting kids take risks and fail.
In the latest episode of her 'IMO' podcast on Wednesday, Obama spoke about wanting her daughters to have confidence and independence while acknowledging that they can only learn those traits through trial and error.
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'I think a lot of parents are afraid of watching that failure,' she said. 'It is the hardest thing to do to watch your kids walk into a wall that you knew was there. And you told them not to walk into it. Until they hit it and get a lump on their head, they just won't learn it. That's a painful thing for us.'
Still, she added, 'If you keep your kids from that experience, a bump on the head, you're robbing them of their own competency. They need to know that you can bump your head, and you can figure it out. Go to the doctor. Put some ice on it. Don't do it again.
'Let's talk about it after the fact. But as you get older, I shouldn't have to walk you through everything. I think it's a constant exercise of extending the leash, always err on the side of making it longer.'
3 Former first lady Michelle Obama speaks on stage during the second day of the Democratic National Convention at the United Center on August 20, 2024 in Chicago, Illinois.
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3 First lady Michelle Obama and daughters, Sasha Obama and Malia Obama arrive during the presidential inauguration on the West Front of the U.S. Capitol January 21, 2013 in Washington, DC.
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Obama said she believed some parents hold onto their kids too long despite their 'ultimate job' being to teach them resilience.
She advised parents to start out when their kids are young with simple things such as going to school by themselves.
'Take some risks because you can land softly here,' she remarked.
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3 Michelle Obama speaks onstage at IMO Live: Michelle Obama, Craig Robinson & Dr. Laurie Santos during the 2025 SXSW Conference and Festival at Austin Convention Center on March 13, 2025 in Austin, Texas.
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During an episode of her podcast last week, Obama also warned parents against being too concerned with being their kids' friends.
'So many people are trying to be their kids' friends, and they think that that makes you closer,' Obama said. 'But let me tell you, I was not my children's friend. I love them deeply. There was respect. And, you know, for those of you trying to be friends with your kids, our kids love us just as much as adults.
'In fact, the relationship, I think, is even closer because now they've earned my friendship. Now we can be friends. Now, maybe you know something.'
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