Reclaim Your Power: How To Deal With A Toxic Manager

Forbes

02-05-2025

Toxic managers create fear and uncertainty
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Toxic managers are a common feature of toxic workplaces. These are leaders who undermine their teams' performance by damaging their confidence, productivity and wellbeing. Examples of toxic manager behavior include setting unrealistic expectations, micromanaging, picking favorites, public criticism, taking credit for other people's ideas and blaming others for their mistakes. Their actions can be hard to predict and they specialize in creating fear and uncertainty.
Unfortunately, toxic managers cause people to leave jobs in their droves. In fact, a study of U.K. employees by people analytics provider Visier found that 43% of workers have left a job at some point in their career as a result of their manager. So, what are your options if your own manager is toxic, but you don't want to quit?
'Toxic managers erode confidence, damage morale and cultivate a stressful work environment,' notes Dorothy Herson, a mental health activist and author of The Rag Doll Contract. 'They often employ divide-and-conquer tactics, creating false alliances where they pit colleagues against each other, making you feel isolated and undermining team trust.'
According to Herson, the first step toward dealing with a toxic manager is acknowledging that your manager's toxicity isn't about you. 'Many people internalize criticism, doubting their own competence,' she says. 'Detach emotionally from their behavior and remind yourself that their issues are not a reflection of your worth. It can help to mentally reframe them as someone whose approval is neither necessary nor valuable.'
Don't try to navigate the challenge alone, either. 'Speak to trusted colleagues, mentors or HR for guidance,' Herson advises. 'Toxic managers thrive in isolation, so building a strong support network ensures you're not gaslit into believing the problem is you.'
'Dealing with a toxic manager can be challenging, but there are ways to navigate the situation while protecting your wellbeing and career,' argues Lord Mark Price, author of Happy Economics and founder of workplace happiness platform WorkL.
Document everything, he advises. 'Keep records of interactions, unreasonable demands or inappropriate behavior. This can serve as evidence if you need to escalate the issue.'
Price emphasizes the importance of remaining professional as you deal with your toxic manager. 'Avoid emotional reactions and maintain calm and composed,' he suggests. 'Respond with facts and logic rather than frustration. Toxic workplaces can be mentally exhausting, so engage in activities that help you relax and recharge.'
'Toxic managers hold their teams hostage,' says George Kohlrieser, co-author of Hostage at the Table. 'Not with physical restraints, but through fear, control, and psychological pressure. Many employees feel trapped, believing they have no choice but to endure abusive leadership. No one has to remain a hostage to toxicity, however. The key lies in reclaiming personal power, fostering emotional resilience and engaging in effective dialogue.'
Recognize that you are not powerless, Kohlrieser advises. 'Toxic leaders thrive on emotional hijacking, triggering fear and compliance,' he says. 'Instead of reacting with hostility or avoidance, use confident, non-confrontational dialogue. Frame your concerns in a way that speaks to the leader's goals. Say 'I want to improve team efficiency; how can we align expectations?' rather than 'You're micromanaging me.''
If your manager's toxicity involves appropriate behavior such as being abusive, then you should report them to HR, says Nik Kinley, a leadership consultant and author of Rewriting Your Leadership Code. But the situation may not necessarily be that extreme or clear-cut.
'A common challenge is that you may think they're toxic, but others might not, and the leader themselves certainly won't,' Kinley observes. 'So, a critical step forward is establishing that there is a problem – something you can both agree isn't right and can work on together. The most effective approach here is often to focus on how they can help you to be at your best or achieve some objective. They're more likely to respond positively to a request for support than a complaint.'
Kinley recommends planning out what you want to say before you speak to your manager. Then keep the conversation focused on practical issues – for example, you'll be able to do X if they can do Y – and be sure to keep emotion out of it. 'You're trying to solve a problem together and your objective is to get them to change their behavior, not tell them how you feel,' he emphasizes.
'Dealing with a toxic manager can be difficult, but there are strategies to protect your own wellbeing while navigating the position you are in,' says Lee Chambers, a psychologist and author of Momentum: 13 Ways to Unlock Your Potential.
Firstly, advises Chambers, it is essential to establish clear boundaries, define acceptable behavior and communicate your limits. Then find a trusted person to give an objective opinion on your manager's behavior. This can help you to build your support network and manage the stress of the situation.
Finally, don't forget to take create space for yourself. Chambers says: 'Whether it's through small wellbeing moments like mindfulness, activities that bring you joy and energy, or professional support, be kind to yourself during this period to reduce your stressors.'
Unfortunately, dealing with a toxic manager can suck all the joy out of your working life. If you reach that point, moving on might be the best option – no matter how reluctant you are to leave your role. As Herson says: 'Above all, remember you deserve to work in a healthy environment. If the situation becomes unbearable, exploring exit strategies – whether an internal transfer or a new role – can be the ultimate act of self-preservation.'
If dialogue and boundary-setting fail, Kohlrieser also recommends considering your exit strategy. 'Staying in a toxic environment can damage mental health and limit professional growth,' he says. 'The most successful professionals are those who refuse to be hostages, either by transforming the situation or stepping away to regain control of their career. Toxicity persists when it is tolerated. Choose leadership over victimhood. Choose freedom over fear.'
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