How do we sustain our long-distance passion?
Q. My partner and I have been together for three years but for the past six months we have been in a long-distance relationship due to work, only seeing each other at weekends. The sex has felt much more passionate and we've been more connected. How can we keep that going when we're seeing each other every day again?
A. Although things feel wonderful now, the reality of living apart long term is not ideal. A rather lovely qualitative study called Sex, Love and Security: Accounts of Distance and Commitment in Living Apart Together Relationships from Canterbury Christ Church University found that living apart can become a way of keeping control over one's life and that this can create emotional distance for some couples. Just
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There's a world of nudity a click away on your phone and being partially clothed is more mysterious, offering a secret glimpse of something you're not supposed to see in public. Get naked and stay naked! If winter is for layering, summer is for peeling them off. Sleep naked. Walk around naked. Take full advantage of being able to lazily explore each other's body without worrying that either of you are freezing to death. Sunbathe to supercharge your libido. Our libidos rise during hot weather because sunlight lifts our mood, raising levels of the happiness hormone serotonin and lust-boosting testosterone. We have one third more testosterone in our bodies in June than in January. Work out outside. Skimpier clothing means we're more inclined to notice our bods and how they're faring, so exercise more. Exercise makes us feel better about our bodies which translates to better sex. Which might explain why we have more sex in August than any other month. Escape the crowd at the next picnic in the park with friends and discover all the hidden places available for bite-size foreplay-style sex sessions (behind a tree, behind the loos). The bigger the crowd, the easier it is to get away with. Role-play a summer romance by pretending you've just met on holidays and about a have a hot summer fling. Try tantra. Heat makes us feel languid and slow. Make it work for you in the bedroom by trying some simple tantric sex moves. Have sex without breaking eye contact or match your breathing for an astonishingly intimate experience. Take your knickers off and put on a mid-length dress or floaty skirt. No need to announce it, just grab his hand under the table to show and tell. Take off your bikini top and let him use it for tie-up games. Head to a fun park. Long-term love is a kind, soft, comfy emotion. Lust is primitive, wild and edgy. We need risk and a hint of danger to continue to see our partners as sexual beings. Any type of adrenalin boosting activity drives up the dopamine level in your brain, making you feel lustier. So do anything that slightly freaks you out – jump on a rollercoaster, sky-dive, kick-box, play fight. Read a racy novel. Reading erotica is a sure-fire way to boost desire so don't just save them for the beach. Read a little bit before bed and you might find you're in the mood for more than sleeping. Go commando. It's cooler and you can't help but focus on sex when your bits are free and ready to be ravished! Get a room. Summer is for holidays, and nothing will get you out of your sex rut quicker than doing it in a new environment, away from your usual routine. A cool new way to massage. Using oil when you're both hot and sweaty isn't ideal. Instead, try using talcum or baby powder while wearing cotton gloves. Talcum is nice and slippery, cooler, and works like oil if you wear gloves. Slide your hands all over his body and let him fantasise away! HOT PLACES TO HAVE SEX When it's cold, you're restricted to under the covers or in front a fire. Make the most of the heat by moving everything out of the bedroom. In the bath: If there's one with jets, you'd be rude not to jump in there with champagne and position yourself where they hit the spot. A good position choice: he sits with knees bent, you sit on his lap. In the shower. Wear waterproof makeup and use soap free cleanser so fingers can disappear into all sorts of places. Shampooing each other's hair is an incredibly intimate and sexy thing to do. Let him shave your legs; you shave his face. The best and safest (water is slippery!) position here is doggy style. You bend over with both feet on the floor, he stands behind. If you're having problems - size problems or agility - both get down on your knees. On a secluded beach. Take some towels and sarongs, keep the action under them and you'll get away with all sorts. In the countryside. 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Instead go for positions that keep your pelvises close but bodies apart. Her on top works well: Either squat on top with legs outstretched towards his head or plant feet squarely beside his shoulders. Rocking horse: Perfect for lazy, sensual sex when you've been all day in the sun. He sits with legs stretched in front of him, apart. Facing him, you sit between his legs, putting your legs over his and feet either side of his chest. Clasp each other's wrists then rock. One leans back as the other leans forward, pulling each other up with your arms. Love triangle: You lie back, he kneels in front of you. He takes hold of your feet and puts the soles together, pushing your legs back towards your chest. Your legs form a triangular shape, creating a 'frame' around both your bits. Monkey: Perfect for fast, passionate, impromptu sex, it's also a manly, caveman-type position for when you're feeling adventurous. He leans against a wall and lifts you up by taking a firm grip of your bottom. You wind your arms around his neck, grip his thighs with yours and put your feet against the wall to give leverage and help him thrust. Don't expect to last for more than a few minutes but this is doable!
