I saw the new liberal 'Superman' movie and it gave me the woke mind virus
I listened to warnings about the new 'Superman' movie from my friends at Fox News and others in the conservative fear-o-sphere. They told me libs had turned the Man of Steel woke. They warned the movie might propagandize me into thinking immigrants are not entirely evil.
But because I'm brave and believe in doing my own research, I decided to venture out of my Marxism-proof bunker and drive – in a gas-powered car, as God intended – to the local theater to see what the Democrats had done to my favorite superhero.
I had reason to worry. Jesse Watters of Fox News said this version of Superman 'fights for truth, justice, and your preferred pronouns,' joking that he has 'MS-13' on his cape, which is a really funny joke if you don't understand how jokes work, which I don't.
Does Superman represent basic human kindness? Classic liberal talk.
Director James Gunn sparked the sensible Republican super-outrage by telling the Times of London, 'I mean, Superman is the story of America. An immigrant that came from other places and populated the country. But for me, it is mostly a story that says basic human kindness is a value and is something we have lost.'
Easy there, Mr. Lefty Movie Director. Human kindness? That sounds like soft, liberal talk, not the kind of toughness I want to see in a fictional character who, as long as I ignore everything about Superman laid out in decades of comic-book and film lore, stands for being an America-first, take-no-prisoners badass.
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In my MAGA-centric world, under the great leadership of President Donald Trump, a proper superhero would be flying around America rounding up migrants while wearing a mask that hides his identity and bravely violating the rules of due process. Because … you know … USA!
How dare they make a superhero movie that makes me question my values
Conservative commentator Clay Travis responded to Gunn's soyboy blah-blah, posting: 'I'm going to skip seeing Superman now. Director is an absolute moron to say this publicly the week before release. America is desperate for apolitical entertainment, and Hollywood is unable to deliver it.'
Travis is right. The last thing I want to do is go to the movie theater and hear something that doesn't precisely conform to my worldview, even if it involves a Superhero who, when he first appeared in a comic book in 1938 written by two men who were the sons of Jewish immigrants, was described as: 'Superman! Champion of the oppressed. The physical marvel who had sworn to devote his existence to helping those in need!'
Everyone who wears a MAGA hat knows that we – the REAL AMERICANS who support President Trump – are the oppressed. We're the ones who need a champion, an invincible hero who will make us feel good about espousing Christian beliefs while wanting to lock immigrants up in camps with names like 'Alligator Alcatraz.' We're the ones who need to believe we're the good guys!
The new Superman movie tried to make me less hateful. Nice try!
Is Superman technically an 'alien' from another planet who was welcomed to Earth by an adoptive family in middle America? Sure. Is his arch-nemesis a billionaire with a thirst for power, a fact that makes me a little uncomfortable, as if there's some kind of hypocrisy at play in my belief system? Yes. But I can easily ignore both those facts to avoid the mental anguish of recognizing my own broken logic.
Which brings me to the despicable woke messages I witnessed on opening night of 'Superman.'
For starters, there was way too much caring. This Superman cared about innocent people who don't look exactly like me, including people in a foreign country. He cared about people believing he was a good person. At one point, he even saved an alien baby and reunited it with its parent, when he should have been taking that alien baby AWAY from its parent and putting them both behind bars surrounded by alligators.
Stupid, Hollyweird.
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'I'm as human as anyone' is classic Woke Superman claptrap
At one point, Superman's clearly woke adoptive father tries to defend his son's alien-ness, referring to him by his given first name and saying: 'Your choices, Clark, your actions. That's what makes you who you are.'
WRONG! It's where you're from and how well you align with MAGA ideology that makes you who you are, pops. I can't believe they let kids get exposed to this kind of aggressive humanity.
Late in the movie, Lex Luthor, who should be viewed by Trump supporters as a billionaire hero, screams 'ALIEN!' at Superman. To which the super-lib responds: 'I'm as human as anyone. I love, I get scared. I wake up every morning and despite not knowing what to do, I put one foot in front of the other and I try to make the best choices I can. I screw up all the time, but that's being human. And that's my greatest strength. And someday, I hope, for the sake of the world, you understand that it's yours too.'
BARF! That's a transparent suggestion that I should look at other human beings and recognize we're all fundamentally the same, worthy of love, kindness and a fair shake. As if I should wish the best for my fellow humans, even if I don't like or agree with them.
Superman needs to keep his left-wing morals to himself
Well, if I were to believe that, then everything about President Trump and his administration's actions against immigrants and espousal of casual cruelty would seem … I dunno … kinda bad, I guess.
So forget it, Woke Superman. Acknowledging hypocrisy is my Kryptonite. You keep that stuff away from me.
Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk
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