Divorces are not ‘failed marriages.' My sister's is a case in point.
Write to us at
. To subscribe,
.
TODAY'S STARTING POINT
I'll admit I have an agenda as an advice columnist — beliefs I hold that I want others to believe, too. One of those is that
divorces are not 'failed marriages.'
Why
Maybe someone wronged their partner — maybe there are villains in the story — but all marriages change, even when people remain together. It's not a failure, just an experience.
That perspective led me to record a recent
The story is a very personal one. Stay with me here.
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Many years ago, my sister met a younger guy. He was very Seth Rogen—esque; a sweet stoner type who was incredibly funny and talented. He was a full-time glass blower living a few hours from New York City.
My sister met him, and soon enough, they fell in love. Five years-ish later, they got married, and it was
bliss
. They were so sweet with each other, always cuddling, always speaking in their own secret language.
A decade later, they were still happy, but
life events
had happened. My mom had died of cancer, and the caregiving had taken a toll on the marriage. My sister developed a chronic illness that made life a lot less fun for her and her husband.
Advertisement
It was unpleasant grownup stuff, and by 2022 — after the pandemic changed everything — my sister needed to make a change. Her auto-immune disease was more manageable in warmer climates. She decided to move to a hot location — but her husband didn't want to join her. He loved his life in New York and wanted to stay.
The podcast episode is all about how this happened — and about how even a
wonderful marriage
can lead to a necessary divorce.
My sister tells her story, and I am grateful for her transparency. There are tears and laughter and explanations of how separating can work.
'I wanted to grow and change, and I wanted to find my happy place,' she said of her priorities as she got divorced.
Yes, it's very sad, and yes, it's confusing sometimes. But, as
she
puts it, looking back on the last few years: 'What a blessing — all of this."
So many people have divorce questions they're afraid to share.
Despite statistics we all know and quote (sometimes incorrectly — the '50 percent of all marriages end' thing
Weirdly, this family divorce episode is one of the
happiest
stories I've ever told on the Love Letters podcast because there's so much love in it.
Advertisement
Sometimes love is everywhere, from family, friends, kids, strangers, your ex, and the next person who crosses your path.
That's part of my sister's story, too — what happens next.
Some have commented on the vulnerability of my family in this episode. It's true; we are a group of over-sharers sometimes — but for a reason!
It's the same reason I write the Love Letters column.
In sharing her story, my sister helped others feel less alone.
After this episode was published, I got letters about other people's weird, miserable, and sometimes hilarious divorces. Some wrote to me about their chronic illnesses and how their relationships changed as they prioritized caregiving and care for
themselves
.
It seems that when someone opens up — even anonymously, in the Love Letters advice column — others understand that they're not in an emotional silo. Even when we feel alone, we're all doing this together.
I know that sounds cheesy, but it's true.
Writing the Love Letters column and hosting its podcast has helped me figure out new and better ways to be a person in the world.
To all who share, I am in your debt.
To get the full Goldstein experience with this story,
You can do your own public service and
Advertisement
For more conversations about relationships,
.
🧩
6 Down:
88°
POINTS OF INTEREST
An assortment of hemp products sold at corner stores and gas stations across Massachusetts.
Brett Phelps for The Boston Globe
Boston and New England
Lens Joseph case:
There has been little information released in the nearly two months since the 5-year-old was struck and killed by his Boston Public School bus, including no arrest of the driver.
Intoxicating hemp:
Dozens of hemp products in Massachusetts are mislabeled, marketed to kids, and
Discipline or child abuse?
A woman hit her 3-year-old son in a grocery store parking lot. She says it was a spanking; the state says it was child abuse. Here's a glimpse inside Maine's secretive child welfare system. (
Free-for-all:
Welcome to Harvard's Recycling and Surplus Center,
Longread:
The story of
Trump administration
Trump vs. Harvard:
Turns out the Trump administration and Harvard have been negotiating over the president's far-reaching attacks on the school, and Trump says they may be
SNAP!:
Republicans are scrambling today to figure out a new way to cut the food stamp program after the Senate parliamentarian said that shifting some costs to the states doesn't pass muster. (
I spy:
Data from a license plate-scanning tool that small towns use to fight crimes like carjackings is being used by ICE to track down immigrants. (
The Nation and the World
Crowded holiday:
AAA predicts that 72.2 million Americans will travel at least 50 miles from home over the Fourth, a period that includes two weekends since the holiday falls on a Friday. (
NYC mayoral race:
Former president Bill Clinton endorsed former NY governor Andrew Cuomo, support that could help turn out older voters in the tightening Democratic primary on Tuesday. (
Robo rollout:
Tesla robotaxis hit the streets of Austin, but only for invited passengers and with a human safety monitor in the front seat. (
Bodies recovered:
In Gaza, Israel recovered the remains of three hostages — an Israeli soldier and two civilians, all killed in the Hamas Oct. 7 attacks. (
EV race:
India wants to develop its own electric vehicle market, but unlike US restrictions on China, it is depending on its neighbor's technology until it builds its own. (
BESIDE THE POINT
By Teresa Hanafin
🗓️
Free Boston events:
The Roxbury International Film Festival, a watercolor workshop in Back Bay, a salsa festival in Waltham, and
🍦
Savor summer:
Swim anywhere, eat ice cream in a cone, take a boat ride, eat grilled food, and more ways to enjoy this too-brief season. (
🏃🏻♀️➡️
Milking it:
A 43-year-old lawyer won the women's competition in a 100-kilometer ultrarunning race in Wales, even though she stopped three times to breastfeed her infant daughter. I give up. (
🦋
Long trip:
If you've been to a butterfly exhibit, odds are that many of the winged insects came from Costa Rica, the largest exporter in the world. (
🏈
Hall of Excellence:
A new sports museum inside a Vegas casino, featuring such items as a Simone Biles' Olympic uniform and a pair of Michael Jordan's Air Jordans, was founded by Tom Brady and sportscaster Jim Gray. (
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Boston Globe
18 hours ago
- Boston Globe
Divorces are not ‘failed marriages.' My sister's is a case in point.
Write to us at . To subscribe, . TODAY'S STARTING POINT I'll admit I have an agenda as an advice columnist — beliefs I hold that I want others to believe, too. One of those is that divorces are not 'failed marriages.' Why Maybe someone wronged their partner — maybe there are villains in the story — but all marriages change, even when people remain together. It's not a failure, just an experience. That perspective led me to record a recent The story is a very personal one. Stay with me here. Advertisement Many years ago, my sister met a younger guy. He was very Seth Rogen—esque; a sweet stoner type who was incredibly funny and talented. He was a full-time glass blower living a few hours from New York City. My sister met him, and soon enough, they fell in love. Five years-ish later, they got married, and it was bliss . They were so sweet with each other, always cuddling, always speaking in their own secret language. A decade later, they were still happy, but life events had happened. My mom had died of cancer, and the caregiving had taken a toll on the marriage. My sister developed a chronic illness that made life a lot less fun for her and her husband. Advertisement It was unpleasant grownup stuff, and by 2022 — after the pandemic changed everything — my sister needed to make a change. Her auto-immune disease was more manageable in warmer climates. She decided to move to a hot location — but her husband didn't want to join her. He loved his life in New York and wanted to stay. The podcast episode is all about how this happened — and about how even a wonderful marriage can lead to a necessary divorce. My sister tells her story, and I am grateful for her transparency. There are tears and laughter and explanations of how separating can work. 'I wanted to grow and change, and I wanted to find my happy place,' she said of her priorities as she got divorced. Yes, it's very sad, and yes, it's confusing sometimes. But, as she puts it, looking back on the last few years: 'What a blessing — all of this." So many people have divorce questions they're afraid to share. Despite statistics we all know and quote (sometimes incorrectly — the '50 percent of all marriages end' thing Weirdly, this family divorce episode is one of the happiest stories I've ever told on the Love Letters podcast because there's so much love in it. Advertisement Sometimes love is everywhere, from family, friends, kids, strangers, your ex, and the next person who crosses your path. That's part of my sister's story, too — what happens next. Some have commented on the vulnerability of my family in this episode. It's true; we are a group of over-sharers sometimes — but for a reason! It's the same reason I write the Love Letters column. In sharing her story, my sister helped others feel less alone. After this episode was published, I got letters about other people's weird, miserable, and sometimes hilarious divorces. Some wrote to me about their chronic illnesses and how their relationships changed as they prioritized caregiving and care for themselves . It seems that when someone opens up — even anonymously, in the Love Letters advice column — others understand that they're not in an emotional silo. Even when we feel alone, we're all doing this together. I know that sounds cheesy, but it's true. Writing the Love Letters column and hosting its podcast has helped me figure out new and better ways to be a person in the world. To all who share, I am in your debt. To get the full Goldstein experience with this story, You can do your own public service and Advertisement For more conversations about relationships, . 🧩 6 Down: 88° POINTS OF INTEREST An assortment of hemp products sold at corner stores and gas stations across Massachusetts. Brett Phelps for The Boston Globe Boston and New England Lens Joseph case: There has been little information released in the nearly two months since the 5-year-old was struck and killed by his Boston Public School bus, including no arrest of the driver. Intoxicating hemp: Dozens of hemp products in Massachusetts are mislabeled, marketed to kids, and Discipline or child abuse? A woman hit her 3-year-old son in a grocery store parking lot. She says it was a spanking; the state says it was child abuse. Here's a glimpse inside Maine's secretive child welfare system. 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