Serial dating and push presents: love in the age of the algorithm is complex
Jett recently gave Pookie a single instruction on one of their European getaways: 'Do not leave Paris without a Birkin.' Luxury unboxings are a staple on their page.These #relationshipgoals have increasingly influenced viewers' standards and expectations in their own relationships. The spectacle of lavish gifts and experiences can shift expectations and expressions of love towards the more demonstrable aspects of romance. 'If my husband doesn't get me a Hermès Kelly as my push present, he will be fired,' reads one TikTok comment.
Sometimes, the deepest connections you feel toward a partner come not from the giving of gifts, but the smaller moments of kindness: preparing a favourite snack or a foot rub on the sofa. Growth and connection can come after the reconciling of a fight. Sometimes, love is just spending time together in silence.
To their credit, Pookie and Jett also share more candid moments of love. 'In case any of you are wondering what Pookie's favourite thing to do is, it's cuddle,' says Jett, with a sleeping Campbell lying on his bare chest. Although one of their shared moments of breakfast in bed, sipping pink champagne and dancing together in PJs, was professionally filmed to launch their new merchandise line.
These exceptionally high relationship goals are also found on the other side of the spectrum in the content of serial daters. 'Dating influencers' are predominantly young women who reveal all about their love lives to eager followers. Take TikToker estéeisonline, outlining her ideal man, she claims to just be looking for a '6ish foot, dark haired, good haired, moustached or bearded man … maybe with tattoos, who's funny (my kind of funny), creative, thoughtful, emotionally available, ambitious, makes money, wants kids, likes cats … and is my biggest fan'. In a later viral TikTok, she tearfully relays her disappointment at her date's request to split the bill. 'I just want a gentleman,' she says through tears. In this world of dating, if idealised standards aren't met, it doesn't matter that the date was 'good'.
There is a personal cost to this style of dating. Hannah Zaslawski began a TikTok series where she tried to go on 50 first dates in pursuit of love. After experiencing major fatigue and burnout, she would suddenly call it quits at date number 38, and in doing so ended her virality. Influencers are almost obliged to keep drearily dating because the TikTok algorithm demands it.
More uncomfortably, there is the question of our relationship to their relationships. Many of their viewers appear to live vicariously through them; something that becomes especially apparent when the relationship ends. Recently, when popular influencer The Wizard Liz called off her engagement to fellow YouTuber Landon Nickerson over his messaging of another woman, swathes of her fans had their own lives altered. 'If [Liz] had to go through this, us mortals, us little peasants … how are we going to survive?' declared another of her fans.
In all of this content, it's apparent that influencer couples and daters make a deal – in exchange for sharing their lives with an audience, they are able to make an income through advertising and commerce. A couple becomes in effect a throuple – creator, partner/love interest and audience. Their audience buy what they sell because, in buying into their brand, they're buying into the ideal of romance being sold.
Pookie wanted to be an influencer since 2017 and hit what the Cut called 'algorithm gold' when she introduced her husband into her content, after years of consistently posting with modest success. Items from their clothing line, Quintessential Love, are often sold out. Jett gives TED talks on how to 'authentically love out loud' like he does.
Although, the business of likes has, at times, come between couples. Former Instagram it couple Jay Alvarrez and Alexis Ren's wanderlust relationship ended abruptly in 2016, when in spectacular public fashion ( destroying the facade entirely), Alexis told a fan that 'the relationship wasn't good for [Jay's] business any more'.
Love in the age of the algorithm is complex – but creators and audiences would do well to remember that so is love in the real world.
Zandile Powell is a video essayist and writer
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Daily Mail
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- Daily Mail
Myleene Klass reveals she caught her ex husband cheating on her with a famous female celebrity who has built her brand on 'family' values
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The Sun
9 minutes ago
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Emotional Myleene Klass claims she caught ex cheating on her with another celebrity at a party
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Daily Mail
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Obviously, being us, we went in feet first and decided to go to the Isle of Man. 'Tommy's family were spending the weekend in the Isle of Man. I was feeling spontaneous so we literally booked the ferry to the Isle of Man an hour before we needed to leave. 'We'd never used the motorhome before, we needed to pack it up, sort Bambi, I just had this wave of 'you only live once, have a bit of fun. 'Bambi doesn't need to be so perfectly routine every day, she's not a newborn anymore. 'I've got so stuck in my ways with the fact that her routine is her routine and I don't really steer away from it. 'I'm not gonna feel bad for that because that is what works for me and that is what works for Bambi and Tommy, so that's fine.' She then added of when things started to go wrong: 'So anyway, booked the ferry, packed the motorhome up and nearly didn't make the ferry but that's another story and then there was a two hour delay. 'This ferry, which was already gonna get us in at 11:30pm, which was already severely triggering me because Bambi goes to bed at 7pm, was not fine. It was giving me a prime example as to why the routine works for us. 'It was one of those moments where strangers come up to you and are like 'can I help? Is there anything I can do?' 'She was screaming that much for four hours straight. The boat basically had a malfunction and it wouldn't move for like two hours so we had a huge delay. 'She was so, so, so overtired and overstimulated - Bambi is so routine, she is the opposite of flexible.' And when they arrived things continued to go downhill, as she said: 'We managed to get to the Isle of Man at 1:30am in the morning. 'We didn't know where we were, what we were doing, we were going to a different campsite to Tommy's family. It was just a lot. 'We had to make our bed out of this sofa, I was like 'I'm really out of my depth, I'm struggling. The next day, Bambi was so tired, she was just screaming, literally screaming, so, so unhappy. Meanwhile her sister Zoe came under fire for complaining about a recent trip too. Molly-Mae's influencer sister was recently mocked by fans for leaving Bali after just 48 hours because it didn't live up to her expectations. Instead she and her husband Danny made a last minute decision to fly to Dubai instead after Zoe, 28, took to social media to admit 'something wasn't quite right'. The fitness influencer had planned the trip to Indonesia with her husband Danny to celebrate their first wedding anniversary. And despite staying in a huge sea view room at the Radisson Blu, a five-star hotel, they decided to leave early and jet to Dubai instead. Zoe explained that Bali looks better on social media than in real life, as influencers make it look luxurious, despite it being a developing country. In a YouTube video, Zoe told the camera: 'Since landing in Bali, something for us wasn't quite right. 'We came here with high expectations because we had seen on social media that everyone was having such a lovely time. Lovely places to eat and beaches, and lovely gyms and coffee shops. 'But I don't think the reality of Bali is shown much at all, and I do think it is down to a lot of influencers posting the more luxury side of things.' She added: 'Before joining the army, I spent five months travelling South East Asia. I did Thailand, Vietnam, China, Hong Kong, I did a lot and spent time in these countries. But there is something very different about Bali. 'We got told Uluwatu where we are now is one of the best places to go, so if this is one of the better places, I'm not sure where the other places are like. 'I wasn't going to sit down and say anything, but people want to know.' Danny then joined the video and said: 'You either go on holiday to travel and experience culture or you want to go away and relax.' Zoe continued: 'Yeah, and we could have got a flight tomorrow as today is our anniversary, but time is precious and we just want to get out, and why delay it. 'We missed the mark, maybe we didn't do our own research, maybe it is our own fault. I did a lot of research though. 'I think it is just personal preference, and our preference was that this isn't for us, and we are making the executive decision to go enjoy our anniversary somewhere we know that we love and can relax and can drink the water.'
