Opinion: People with opposing views need to find a way to talk to each other

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07-05-2025

Opinion: People with opposing views need to find a way to talk to each other
Grade 11 student Connor Thorson argues that there are healthy ways to argue and healthy arguments is what we need. (Credit: Michelle Berg)
People argue about things all the time — whether they are minor inconveniences, what we are going to have for dinner or more impactful issues involving politics.
Discussions and debates are always key in decision making in our society. Unfortunately, we are very bad at it. Take today's politics. Political decisions are important. They determine the manner in which our communities function.
It would be reasonable to assume this means we place a higher priority on keeping political discourse productive. However, this does not seem to be the case. According to the Pew Research Center, the portion of Americans who hold consistently liberal or conservative views has doubled since 1994.
But humans are complex. No two people have identical views. Why, then, are we so distinctively split on a topic as nuanced as politics?
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Polarization is not only a worry for decisions regarding democratic processes. 'A significant share of politically polarized Republicans and Democrats express a fairly strong aversion to people who disagree with them,' according to the Pew Research Center.
This aversion between people of opposing views can damage interpersonal relationships as well. We cannot make important decisions if we are afraid of alienating each other. People hold attachments to things they deem important, such as their identity, values and beliefs.
We know our choices matter on impactful topics, which partly accounts for the polarizing nature of politics. Issues arise when this defensiveness of our opinions inhibits our ability to discuss them — especially, a problem for those who view disagreement itself as a challenge to their credibility or reason.
We cannot just stop talking about sensitive topics.
Even outside the actual decisions discussed, avoiding conflicts might only intensify them. In the words of Michelle Maiese, a professor of philosophy at Emmanuel College: 'Intractable conflicts are ones that remain unresolved for long periods of time and then become stuck at a high level of intensity and destructiveness.'
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Sure, avoiding an argument allows initial conflict to simmer down. But leaving matters unresolved builds resentment. Disputes should be managed as soon as those involved are willing to and capable of solving them productively.
Conflict is a far too common occurrence to avoid and fight about indefinitely. Our inability to consistently resolve disagreements needs to change. This begins with reconsidering our approach to discourse.
In a TED talk, author David Dylan Thomas identifies a few rules to keep in mind when engaging in difficult discussions; we can use these as a basis for understanding what can be done to make our own arguments more productive.
First, participants in discourse should possess the mindset that neither side is irrevocably correct. It is easier for one to fall into a defensive stance when they feel that what they are defending must be true.
This is why an open mindset is so important. There is no use in discussing something where nobody is willing to shift their position; the most satisfying compromise often lies outside at least one of the parties' initial perspectives.
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Second, too many disputants view discussion with the perspective that shifting from their position means losing the argument. Thomas's second rule warns us against this perspective.
Competition in arguments not only leads to defensiveness, but, also, it causes people to push their perspective onto others, and escalate conflict further. Compromise should not be viewed as a loss. Finally, those participating in discourse should do so with the goal to create something new.
This orientation presumes that each party has something of value to contribute. Therefore, in order for a resolution to be reached that satisfies all, everybody must be heard in the process. Resolving conflict requires respect and communication — regardless of the opinions of opposing parties.
Discourse is not about competition. It is about co-operation. Victory in an argument should never come at the cost of the issue being argued, nor at the expense of those with whom it is disputed.
Connor Thorson is a Grade 11 student at Regina's Campbell Collegiate.
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