Love and Money: Why Sharing Accounts Is Good for Your Relationship

New York Times

09-02-2025

When Nia Darville Stokes-Hicks and Armondi Stokes-Hicks married two years ago, they set up five bank accounts.
Each had an individual bank account for personal spending, and they shared a checking account for paying household bills. They had a joint savings account. And they had yet another account for money the couple set aside to use together. They weren't unusual — 34 percent of couples have a mix of accounts, and 23 percent keep their finances entirely separate, according to a YouGov poll conducted three years ago for CreditCards.com.
With American couples marrying later in life, according to the Census Bureau, maintaining separate accounts has become more common than it once was. By the time most people reach their late 20s and early 30s, they've been working for six or more years, have set up their own checking and savings accounts, have established credit and might even own a home or a brokerage account. Often people want to maintain their own financial independence after marriage, but experts say this isn't necessarily a good idea, especially if you're thinking about long-term goals like saving for retirement.
'Gone are the days when couples get married right out of school and open up their first bank account together and learned together how to manage money,' said Bill Nelson, founder of Pacesetter Planning in Arlington, Va.
Having separate accounts made it more difficult to see the household's total financial picture, said Mr. Stokes-Hicks, 28, a former Netflix writers' production assistant who works as a Starbucks supervisor and lives in Jefferson County, Colo. He and his wife agreed to simplify their finances last year when they realized they weren't using their individual bank accounts — they were spending with their credit cards and paying them off using the household bills account.
Now they share three accounts: a high-yield savings account, a checking account for household bills and another savings account. Both are enrolled in employer-sponsored retirement plans.
'I feel like it's a lot easier to hit your financial goals when you're all working in the same direction and you both have all of the information,' said Ms. Darville Stokes-Hicks, 27, who works as a diversity, equity and inclusion director.
Although nearly one in three people in a 2024 survey by WalletHub believed that sharing a financial account led to increased conflict, research finds the opposite is true.
A recent study published in The Journal of Consumer Research found that couples with joint accounts tended to be happier and more committed than those without. Merging finances helps align a couple's financial goals and encourages them to create a tighter bond as they work together on saving for a house or retirement, the research showed.
'Joint accounts almost force you to have those conversations and get on the same team,' said Jenny G. Olson, one of the study's authors and an assistant professor of marketing at Indiana University's Kelley School of Business. She acknowledges, however, that there are instances when a joint account could be problematic — for example, in relationships where there is domestic violence.
Most couples should consider setting up a joint account because it allows them to make informed decisions and helps create a 'we' perspective, Dr. Olson said. Separate accounts can lead to a 'you versus me' perspective and potentially to misaligned financial goals.
Couples who keep their finances separate can still work toward shared financial goals, provided they exchange financial information.
'I think no matter what financial agreement you make, as long as you're transparent about it and the other person feels as though they are being included in the knowledge, you're going to have the beginning of a successful relationship,' said Kathryn Smerling, a family therapist in New York City.
Managing money together and separately
Carlyle and Shawn Button lived together for a few years before marrying five years ago. After they wed, they didn't combine their accounts, but each added the other as an authorized user for emergency purposes.
'I think it happened coming from a place of us having individual finances as adults before we lived together,' said Mr. Button, 32, a head chef and kitchen manager at a brewery in Henderson County, N.C., where the couple live.
Ms. Button, 30, pays utility, internet and phone bills while Mr. Button takes care of their car payment and car insurance and regularly deposits money into a savings account for large joint purchases, like the new car they recently bought. They take turns paying for groceries. They each pay for their preferred streaming and subscription services, such as YouTube and Xbox. The only bill they split evenly is their rent.
'I take the heavier weight of bills because Shawn manages our savings account,' said Ms. Button, who works as a bartender at a different brewery in Henderson County. 'I'm not necessarily great about thinking about savings as a bill itself, and he is.'
Although the Buttons keep their accounts separate, they file taxes jointly and share with each other how much they make. They also discuss financial goals, like saving for the car. Mr. Button contributes to a retirement account, and Ms. Button is enrolled in an employer-sponsored retirement plan.
The couple don't discuss their purchases for themselves, however. If the bills are paid and money is being saved, each person is empowered to buy whatever the individual wants with his or her own paycheck, Ms. Button said.
After someone has been financially independent, it can be difficult to suddenly have to ask a spouse for permission to spend money. If a couple want to retain some financial independence, Brandon Welch, a financial adviser with Newport Wealth Advisors in San Diego, recommends this approach: Set up a joint account for household expenses and then base contributions on each person's total income. The couple should also agree on joint goals, such as saving for retirement, a house or a college fund for children. Whatever money is left over can go into each person's separate account to spend however the individual chooses, he said.
Mistakes and solutions
Regardless of whether a couple combine accounts or keep them completely separate, the key is for each spouse to be fully transparent.
'You should have a way, as a couple, to see the entirety of your family's financial snapshot at any one point in time,' Mr. Nelson of Pacesetter Planning said. For example, couples can create spreadsheets tracking income and outflow or use budgeting software. Couples with separate finances who don't discuss income and savings risk undermining their long-term financial goals.
For instance, when one partner pays significantly more household expenses relative to the individual's income, it can hinder the couple's ability to save for retirement, said Michael Carbone, a financial adviser with Eppolito Financial Strategies in Chelmsford, Mass.
In households where couples have disparate incomes, it's not uncommon for the higher earner to contribute the maximum amount to retirement savings, while the lower earner struggles to do that — typically because he or she is allocating too much income to bills, Mr. Carbone said.
By viewing household finances holistically, couples can split bill payments fairly and maximize both spouses' retirement savings, particularly if the higher earner covers more of their shared expenses. Not only would the couple save more for retirement, but they would reduce their taxable income.
'I think a lot of people underestimate the power of tax-deferred accounts,' Mr. Carbone said.
Another potential mistake that couples make when they maintain separate accounts is to duplicate emergency funds, tying up cash that would be better invested or saved.
'If each person is doing it separately, then they can end up basically having double what they need set aside in cash,' said Justin Pritchard, founder of Approach Financial in Montrose, Colo. That money might be better used paying off debt, making a maximum contribution to a 401(k) plan or opening a tax-deferred health savings account, he said.
Keeping separate finances can mask potential economic vulnerabilities and give couples a false sense of their overall financial situation.
'If one partner is struggling and the other partner is doing well, then the one who's doing well might think everything is peachy keen, but the other person is barely making it or taking on debt, even,' Mr. Pritchard said. It can also give the partner who makes less income the wrong impression that the couple are struggling.
As a bartender, Ms. Button relies on tips and often makes less income in the winter, Mr. Button said. When her salary dips, he pays a larger portion of the bills.
'You have to trust your partner,' Ms. Button said, 'to know that they're going to carry a level of responsibility like you.'