‘This got me through': A DV survivor's guide to being an ally
When a good friend asked what they could do to help her, Marianne asked if one of them could accompany her to court.
'She organised about 15 people to turn up to court with me, and they just stood with me and made me feel safe and supported,' Marianne says. 'Normally I'd go into court and I'd feel victimised, scared and alone, but on this day, I was laughing and chatting. It turned out to be one of the best days.'
Marianne says her friend's support didn't end there. She has also set up crowdfunding to help Marianne pay for her legal fees and has been a constant good listener.
'This support is what got me through.'
Experts agree that many women live with violence or abuse for years before telling someone or seeking help. So, what would you say or do if you knew or suspected that a woman was being hurt by someone she knows?
It's easy to presume that she has someone else to help or even 'if she's in danger she would surely leave'. But the messaging around domestic violence is that if you suspect something, it's worth saying something.
When approaching a suspected victim-survivor of domestic abuse, senior policy and advocacy officer at Domestic Violence NSW, Angie Gehle says it's important you don't judge them – and you don't tell them what to do.
'They will want to know if they are safe talking to you, their radar will be going off constantly in order to determine this,' says Gehle. 'It's important not to judge them by saying things like 'I wouldn't put up with that' or 'I couldn't handle it if my husband did that' or even 'You deserve better.' These types of comments will immediately make a woman shut down.
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