Clare woman to walk London's Darkness Into Light in memory of her late cousin – ‘I'm so glad to get to talk about him now, he loved the spotlight'

Irish Independent

08-05-2025

Eimhear Hodgins, an expat who will be walking in London's Clapham Common DIL event, first started taking part back in 2013. Her purpose for walking changed significantly, however, when she lost her cousin to suicide in 2023.
'2013 was the first year I took part in the walk and I did it nearly every year from then until Covid in Ennis,' Eimhear said, 'My parents encouraged me to support the cause. It's something unique to do and obviously it's a great cause to support. Then in 2023 my cousin died by suicide so it kind of added another layer to why we were supporting it and why we do the walk. After he died, I did the walk with my family and then I did it for the first time in London last year, and I'm doing it in London this year as well.'
'The walk is really nice, it kind of makes you remember your loved one and think about them,' Eimhear continued. 'Before Paudy died it was just something nice to do, I was just doing it to support the cause but now it's like I get that morning and that time where I can remember him.'
As much as Eimhear had been exposed to mental health services and talking about suicide through things like DIL, she explained that it's really never something you expect to happen to your family.
'My cousin's name was Paudy Byrne and he grew up and lived in Dundalk in Louth,' Eimhear said. 'There was 12 of us cousins and he was the eldest, 16 years older than me, but we were always such great friends because our birthdays are two days apart. He had a really difficult childhood – he had brain cancer and really shouldn't have lived through what he did get through. I think it changes you or alters your brain in a way, to go through as much as he did and have as many surgeries as he did. Everyone tried their best, you know, he had a wonderful family, but it was really tough.'
'Despite all the hardship he had been through, Paudy got through school and went to a college for a while and he was actually working as a motivational speaker,' the Clare woman continued. 'He was working with charities that deal with childhood and teenage cancer as well. He had moved out and was living in assisted living and had gotten a dog, you know, all the big steps you would make out on your own. Then in January 2023, he sadly passed away.'
'It was honestly so shocking,' Eimhear explained. 'The crazy thing is that you just don't think you're gonna go through it at all, especially with a family member. Especially him. It was just so heartbreakingly devastating. He was always such a great friend to me, and I really miss him. I'm actually so glad to get to talk about him now and to get his name out there. He would love the attention. He used to do musicals and shows when he was younger as well, he loved the attention and the spotlight.'
Eimhear said the most difficult part of Paudy's death was trying to understand how he could get through his health difficulties and then die by suicide.
'That was what no one could really understand, like he literally should have died when he was 15 years old, and he fought so hard for so many years,' Eimhear said. 'Paudy was so strong for so long to get through all the physical pain, the only way I feel like I could understand it was that with everything that happened, his brain must have been altered, like, he wasn't himself anymore. The Paudy in my head wouldn't have done that. I don't know whether it was because he had been through so much and his family had gone through so much with him, maybe that's why he felt like he couldn't ask again for help. I know that death and grief is so horrible and traumatising anyway, but I feel like with suicide it's just the next level. I think it's because you feel like it could have been prevented.'
For the second year in a row, Eimhear will bring a small picture of Paudy with her on the Clapham Commons DIL walk.
'It means a lot more now when you see groups of people doing the walk,' Eimhear said. 'Obviously, most people there wouldn't have a clue that I've had that personal experience, but they're still just there supporting the cause anyway. And the same goes for me that obviously everyone else there, I don't know their stories, and I don't know why they're doing it, but it just feels like you're all kind of unified.'
'I didn't know what to expect last year doing DIL in England, but I think possibly everyone there was Irish, I actually met one of my brother's friends,' Eimhear laughed. 'I've explained the concept to a lot of my English friends, and I actually brought some of them last year and I'm hoping to get them doing it this year but they had never heard of it really. It's very different from doing the walk at home but it's really nice. People stayed afterwards and had some coffees and they had music and different things going on… It was kind of nice to not know everyone that was walking as well, which made it different from home. There were people arriving on their own and it was really nice to see the Irish thing of people being welcomed into groups that they didn't know and chatting away. It's like you get a little taste of home, which is always nice when you're abroad, especially because it's like an Irish community that is doing it.'
Darkness Into Light takes place on May 10 from 4.15am in countries worldwide, with proceeds aiding Pieta House.