logo
There is no dignity in dyeing

There is no dignity in dyeing

Spectatora day ago

Growing up, like a lot of English girls, I was what was known as a 'dirty blonde'. (An evocative phrase, the Dirty Blondes are now variously a theatre troupe, a pop group and a restaurant.) In the summer, I would put lemon juice on my hair and watch in wonder as it bleached in the sun; I mainly did it to irritate my mother, who found overly blonde hair 'tarty'. When I grew my impressive rack and shot up to 5ft 8in at 13, what I thought of as 'The Bothering' started – grown men attempting quite openly to pick me up, especially when I was wearing my school uniform. Blonde hair was the last thing I needed.
Like many a dreamy teenager of the time – I'm not sure it still happens – I was drawn to the mythical beings of Hollywood. I remember a poster I owned, jostling with pin-ups of the very contemporary David Bowie and Bryan Ferry (both themselves Hollywood obsessives), which was a drawing of James Dean and Marilyn Monroe bearing the legend WHERE HAVE ALL THE GOOD TIMES GONE? This could be seen as somewhat insensitive in our touchier times, considering that they'd both been unhappy people who died young.
But though I adored Marilyn – as one would adore a wounded animal crossed with a goddess – it was the swashbuckling brunettes of Hollywood I saw as role models: the Liz Taylors and Ava Gardners. I was probably one of the few teenage girls ever to watch Gentlemen Prefer Blondes and want to be the Jane Russell character, with her tough good humour and straightforward lust. When I got the news that I'd bagged my first job in journalism and could scarper from the family home, I dyed my mousy hair jet black and never looked back.
I've identified as a brunette all my life, and when my roots started coming through white a decade ago, in my fifties, there was no question that I'd be trooping off every three weeks to the hairdresser to have them covered up, and damn the expense. I viewed women in the public eye who let their grey/white hair grow out with something approaching moral panic; from Angela Carter to Mary Beard, I saw them – ludicrously – as in some way negligent of their personal care. I had no such feelings about famous men going grey, though I've never bought the 'Silver Fox' nonsense. To be fair, I viewed my own reflection with its three inches of pure white roots with a similar horror during lockdown, and when the hairdressers were allowed to open, I was straight round there.
Which makes my current attitude to having increasingly grey – white, really – hair all the more surprising. I haven't had my hair dyed since November 2024; after emergency spinal surgery in December I spent five months in hospital, emerging a cripple, in a wheelchair. I've lost my legs, my front teeth, my splendid rack – and my lovely thick, glossy, tossable brunette mane. Due to medication and stress (I always swore I'd never use that word, but I reckon it's allowable when you lose the ability to walk) my hair is much diminished in every way, wig-fulls coming out with every brush-stroke. It's real sparse, scalp-showing old-lady hair of the kind I arrogantly believed I'd never have.
I'm aware that it would be easy to correct – there are lots of home-visiting hairdressers, especially in my senior-friendly 'hood of Hove. But I appear to have had something of a satori. Doing everything in my power to appear youthful and robust, once highly important to me, now seems rather silly and self-defeating. I'm a disabled 65-year-old, soon to be an actual OAP; what's the point in pretending to be anything else?
Last summer a cross ex-friend wrote me an angry message about this very issue, apparently perturbed by my upbeat, Pollyanna-ish nature and my pleasure-seeking sociability. Knowing her as well as I did, I knew that much of the impetus came from her fathomless dissatisfaction with her own life, but I wonder if there wasn't something in it when she accused me of 'making a fool of yourself prancing around like a teenager when you're almost a pensioner'. Perhaps she had a point; maybe it wouldn't kill me to be more age-appropriate? Indeed, if I hadn't been intent on acting like someone much younger and tougher, I'd have gone to the doctor when my health problem started rather than leave it till it was too late.
Doing everything in my power to appear youthful and robust, once highly important to me, now seems rather silly and self-defeating. I'm a disabled 65-year-old, soon to be an actual OAP
Letting my hair grow out white could be the way I force myself to accept that my gallivanting days are over. It helps that in the bed opposite me at the rehabilitation unit was Sue, a gorgeous woman of a certain age with pure white hair and a look of Helen Mirren. But I know myself – and my hair – well enough to comprehend that if I carry on down the au naturel route, I won't be a Sue – I'll be a Struwwelpeter.
Is letting one's hair grow out as Nature intended a white flag or a gesture of defiance? I veer between the two schools of thought. The publication of Victoria Smith's excellent book Hags: The Demonisation of Middle-Aged Women in 2023 clarified thoughts which had occurred to me since I passed the first flush of youth, and which became amplified during the height of the trans debate, when my side had the word 'old' flung at it as though it was a word on a par with child-killer. Reviewing the book in the Guardian, Rachel Cooke wrote:
The surprise is that I find myself on the receiving end of as much sexism and misogyny now as I did when my bum was pert and my breasts very bouncy – and nearly all of it comes from those far younger than me. Was the harassment I experienced when I was young better or worse than the dismissive contempt that's aimed at me today? I'm not sure.
Why are so many men angry at women, past the first flush of youth, who let themselves go? I think it may have something to do with the drastically different levels of sex available to heterosexual men and heterosexual women. Women find sex very easy to come by; by the time a woman reaches the menopause, she will have had all the sex she wanted – and perhaps quite a lot she didn't. Unless a man is very good-looking, or rich, or famous, the same certainly won't be true of him, unless he has a very low sex drive. Giving up seeking male attention is an acknowledgement of this; letting one's hair whiten the most obvious aspect. Whatever the reason, the rude invitations from strangers in the street that started when I was 13 and lasted until I was into my sixties are well and truly over; now men smile pityingly at me as they hold the door for my husband to push me through in my wheelchair. I wouldn't have chosen to be a balding, white-haired 'halfling' – but I'm damn well going to make the best of it. And only in a slightly age-inappropriate way, I hope.

Orange background

Try Our AI Features

Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:

Comments

No comments yet...

Related Articles

Books and Beats: Fundraising book launch for 'Elephant' by Gillian Shirreffs in aid of Beatson Cancer Charity
Books and Beats: Fundraising book launch for 'Elephant' by Gillian Shirreffs in aid of Beatson Cancer Charity

Scotsman

timean hour ago

  • Scotsman

Books and Beats: Fundraising book launch for 'Elephant' by Gillian Shirreffs in aid of Beatson Cancer Charity

A not-to-be-missed literary afternoon celebrating the power of words, music and community will take place on Saturday, June 14 from 12 noon to 2pm at Glasgow University Union, as bestselling author Gillian Shirreffs launches her much-anticipated second book Elephant, in aid of Beatson Cancer Charity. Sign up to our Arts and Culture newsletter, get the latest news and reviews from our specialist arts writers Sign up Thank you for signing up! Did you know with a Digital Subscription to The Scotsman, you can get unlimited access to the website including our premium content, as well as benefiting from fewer ads, loyalty rewards and much more. Learn More Sorry, there seem to be some issues. Please try again later. Submitting... Hosted by Laura Boyd, STV News entertainment reporter, the event will also feature a live acoustic performance by Matt Hickman aka Brownbear and his band. Tickets include drinks and nibbles and a charity raffle with 100% of ticket and raffle proceeds going directly to Beatson Cancer Charity to support cancer patients and their families across Scotland. Gillian Shirreffs—originally from Haughhead and now based in Glasgow—made waves with her 2023 debut Brodie, which raised over £27,494 for Beatson. Elephant is her bold and unflinching story of her own treatment for breast cancer. Told through messages, tweets, and emails, it's a modern, darkly funny and deeply personal story about life tilting sideways Advertisement Hide Ad Advertisement Hide Ad 'I'm thrilled to be sharing Elephant at this special fundraiser with Beatson Cancer Charity. The book was written in the hardest of times, but it's filled with humour, honesty and hope. I can't wait to share it with readers—and to raise more funds for a cause close to my heart,' said Gillian Shirreffs. Elephant Diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2007, Gillian started writing while bedbound. A former HR director and English teacher, she holds a Doctor of Fine Arts in Creative Writing, with a thesis exploring how illness alters our understanding of life and connection—core themes that run through Elephant. Guests can expect an afternoon of moving conversation, brilliant music, and generosity in action. You'll also be able to purchase signed copies of Elephant.

Former Arsenal star reveals why Royal Ascot is so great
Former Arsenal star reveals why Royal Ascot is so great

Daily Mirror

timean hour ago

  • Daily Mirror

Former Arsenal star reveals why Royal Ascot is so great

The FA Cup will always hold a special place in Ray Parlour's heart. Not only did he lift the famous trophy an incredible four times during his career with Arsenal, he also netted a spectacular goal in the 2002 final against Chelsea. But the former Gunner star says that when it comes to his favourite sporting events, Royal Ascot is right up there with the showpiece finale of the English football season. 'Royal Ascot is a superb spectacle,' says Parlour. 'The top hat and tails dress code looks great, and it's a chance for most to get dressed up and enjoy a day at the races. 'The FA Cup Final is also a great one because of how big the competition is for English fans. For me, growing up, the FA Cup final was a special day in the house where we all watched it together on TV. To score in a final was incredible. 'And Wimbledon is a great event to go to, with fans from all over the world. 'But horse racing has been part of British culture for a very long time and Royal Ascot is an icon of national sport, with the quality of racing. It gets royal treatment as well, so it's 100 per cent up there for sure as one of the year's greatest events. 'As a footballer, I got more into horse racing as the lads were all keen on it. I have owned horses over the years and had a few named after me as well. It's a great day out, and it's great to be part of owning a horse, to go down to the training yard to see the horse, and then the race day is the pinnacle.' This year's event starts on Tuesday 17 June, with more than 300,000 visitors expected to attend the five-day festival at Ascot Racecourse in Berkshire. In total, there will be 35 races taking place, with more than £10 million in prize money on offer. No race will be run for less than £110,000. The two highest-earning races are the Prince Of Wales' Stakes and the Queen Elizabeth II Jubilee Stakes, with a huge prize pot of £1 million for each race. Los Angeles is the favourite to cross the line first in the Prince of Wales Stakes, with NetBet offering odds of 17/5, followed by Economics at 21/5 and Map of Stars at 11/2. In the Queen Elizabeth II Jubilee Stakes, Lazzat is the 7/2 frontrunner, Inisherin at 24/5 and Storm Boy at 6/1. And the winner of this year's Ascot Gold Cup will receive an eye-watering £650,000 prize. Legendary trainer Aidan O'Brien will be looking to add to his record-breaking eight wins in the race this year, with his horse Illinois 7/5 favourite with NetBet to triumph ahead of Candelari at 7/2 and Trawlerman at 21/5. As well as NetBet Sport offering great odds on all UK and international horse racing events, NetBet Casino has welcome offers and promotions, including up to 500 free spins for new customers (full T&Cs can be found here). Sport-specific promotions include Wheel of Sportune, daily prizes, and Correct Score Predictor, with a jackpot of up to £5,000. 'I know Aidan O'Brien is the best flat trainer at the minute,' adds Parlour. 'He has so many top horses in his stable who can win the sprints and longer distance races. So naturally he is one to follow. 'Looking at a jockey to follow, then it's Ryan Moore. He is such a great jockey and proves time and time again, the quality he has in the saddle. 'From an English perspective, Charlie Appleby and John Gosden are trainers I like to follow at these meetings too. 'Sometimes you receive a tip and follow that one, or look at the in-form trainers and jockeys. 'For me, especially in the big races, I may just go with horse number 15, which was my number when I played.'

'Princess Diana asked when I'd play for England - I knew racists didn't want it'
'Princess Diana asked when I'd play for England - I knew racists didn't want it'

Daily Mirror

time12 hours ago

  • Daily Mirror

'Princess Diana asked when I'd play for England - I knew racists didn't want it'

The legendary former cricketer looks back at some of his most remarkable meetings during his heyday, dealing with racism and the words of Viv Richards which still resonate Rocking and rumbling, as David 'Syd' Lawrence used to describe his bustling persona, the promising fast bowler greeted visiting royalty with his customary genial warmth. Voted Young Cricketer of the Year by a jury of learned scribes, Lawrence collected his gong at the most memorable net practice of his life. 'What made that award extra special was that it was presented to me by the patron of Gloucestershire Cricket Club… the Princess of Wales,' said Lawrence. ' Princess Diana visited the club and had a tour of all the facilities, including watching us have a net. I was only jogging in off a few paces but she still thought I bowled extremely fast. ‌ 'Naturally I was shocked by her sudden death in 1997 and thought back many times to that day she spent with us at Gloucestershire. As a result of her patronage, three people from the club were invited to her funeral at Westminster Abbey, and I was one of those asked to attend. Jack Russell and Andy Stovold were the other two. ‌ 'We were sat directly behind a couple of Americans. One was Dr Henry Kissinger, a former US secretary of state and brilliant political thinker, the other was Ruby Wax, a comedian, actress and writer who often appeared on television throughout the 1980s and 90s. 'She would not shut up! I don't think I've ever heard someone talk as incessantly as she did that day. At one point Jack leaned forward and gently motioned for her to be quiet. She smiled and agreed to do just that, and promptly started talking again. "When I spoke with Diana back in 1986, she did ask me about playing for England and whether it might happen soon. I told her I hoped so, and that if I played at Lord's then I might meet her mother-in-law too. She had a chuckle at that, which I dined out on for a little while.' The prospect of Lawrence going on to play for England was not universally approved among the country's redneck fringes. One heinous scrap of anonymous correspondence through the post advised him 'to go back to the f*****g jungle.' For the first British-born Black player to win Test caps, it was a dark reminder of a nation's swivel-eyed tendency. 'English cricket has long been littered with racists and apologists for racism,' wrote Lawrence in his searing new book, after his shattering diagnosis of motor neurone disease. ‌ 'Back in 1980 I was playing my first game for the Gloucestershire second team and one evening I was in my hotel room when I got a knock at the door. I opened it to find that one of my team-mates had left a banana skin there for me to find. It was a classic racist trope that was used to compare Black people to monkeys. 'I was the butt of the 'joke'. And it hurt. I wish I could tell you that I confronted the person who put it there and had it out with them, but I didn't. I wish I could tell you that I laughed it off, but I didn't. I sat down on my bed and I cried. If this is the way that my own team-mates see me, then what about those I'm playing against? 'I promised myself that would never happen again and that winter I went to the local gym in Bristol, The Empire, where the Commonwealth gold medal weightlifter Precious McKenzie used to train, and worked so hard on transforming my body into one that was not only fit for purpose on the field but one that wouldn't be messed with off it.' ‌ When racist fans bombarded him with Klansman vitriol and bananas in a Sunday League game against Yorkshire at Scarborough 41 years ago, the pond life were lucky 'Syd' didn't wade into the crowd to educate them. Seven years later, at the same venue, it happened again. ‌ 'As the bananas started to appear, Yorkshire physio Wayne Morton dived into the crowd to confront the racists and was hauled out by the police who were trying to keep things calm,' recalled Lawrence. 'A punter managed to get to me by the side of the pitch and confront me. 'Lawrence, you Black b******!' he said. I was ready to swing for him, but Darren Gough managed to intervene just in time.' Lawrence was always grateful for the words of his childhood hero and mentor, Viv Richards, whose lecture after a weekend making the acquaintance of Somerset and Avon police still resonates with him. ‌ 'You are a young Black man, and it will never be easy being a Black man trying to make your way, but you need to be strong. They are waiting for you to f*** up,' warned King Viv. 'They don't want to respect you and they want you to fail. Don't give them the satisfaction of proving them right about you. Use your cricket ability to prove them wrong.' It is an unjustified allocation of ill fortune that one of cricket's greatest characters, who fought back from the graphic disintegration of his knee during a Test match against New Zealand in Wellington 33 years ago, should be cut down by such a savage illness. Lawrence can no longer walk or talk, and at 61 he has planned his own funeral. But for all its darkness, his memoir is a rocking and rumbling good read.

DOWNLOAD THE APP

Get Started Now: Download the App

Ready to dive into the world of global news and events? Download our app today from your preferred app store and start exploring.
app-storeplay-store