‘Mushrooms, machetes': Dave Hughes' epic rant about ‘sad' reality of being a Carlton fan
Dave Hughes is not coping well with Carlton's season.
Carlton take on Port Adelaide on Thursday night in a must win game for the Blues after they lost to North Melbourne last weekend, leaving their finals hopes in disarray.
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The comedian is a diehard Blues supporter, but his appearance on Channel 7's The Front Bar showed the 54-year-old is at his wit's end.
A Round 1 loss to Richmond that no one saw coming set the tone for Carlton, who sit 10th on the ladder with six wins and eight losses heading into the back end of the season.
That loss to Richmond didn't go down well with Carlton fans including Hughes, who was spotted leaving the MCG before the final season.
Hughes said on The Front Bar: 'We were premiership favourites playing against an under-12 team, we were 40 points up and lost, and our team left at halftime!
'I walked home the MCG to St Kilda in the dark on my own, true story. I was looking for guys with machetes and could not find them, where are they when you need them?'
Watch Hughesy's Carlton rant in the video above
Carlton's last premiership came back in 1995, as Hughesy knows all too tell, and he went rogue with a serious of tongue-in-cheek declarations about his beloved team.
'This was our year? 30 years! This was it,' he said.
'Guys it's sad. I cannot do it anymore, it's not good for my health. every weekend from now on I will go to the Wonthaggi area and forage for mushrooms. Cook them up and have a good time. What could go wrong?
'If Donald Trump is interested, let's get one of his stealth bombers. We fully insured at Ikon Park? Seriously, we need a break, having said all that, we will be Port Adelaide tomorrow night.
'A few weeks ago Mitch McGovern went to hospital in an ambulance at halftime in the hospital said there is nothing wrong with him. The ambulance could have been used for people who have heart attacks.'
Ruckman Tom De Koning appears set to leave Carlton at the end of the season and accept a mammoth deal worth up to $1.7 million per season
Asked whether he thinks De Koning will stay, Hughes exclaims: 'He has an offer of $12 million to leave Carlton! What do you reckon?'
Hughes also took aim at the decision to let midfielder Matthew Kennedy go to the Bulldogs, where he could well be leading their best and fairest after a stellar year for the recruit.
'Kennedy has gone to the Bulldogs and he might with the Brownlow,' Hughes said. 'He has not missed a goal all year.'
Pressure is mounting on Carlton coach Michael Voss, with Buddy Franklin predicting Voss will be sacked before season's end.
Voss is refusing to put energy into discussions and external comments around his future as heat on his position reaches boiling point.
Voss said there was only one place he was directing his 'energy' and that was on Port, a game coming just five days after the loss to the Roos.
'I don't deal in hypotheticals like that, you can go for your life. As far as what we're concerned, we've come off a game what four days ago,' he said.
'As you can imagine, you tend to focus a lot of your energy on turning around what was a disappointing loss and turn that into something else.
'Obviously, jumped on a plane today and got a game tomorrow. As you can understand, we haven't drifted too far beyond that.
'It was pretty obvious, clearly the contest part of the game and some drift moments in defence … we gave it a good throw at the end to have a crack at it, but the distance was far too much for us to peg it back.'
Carlton will unveil two debutants this week, with Billy Wilson and Flynn Young confirmed to face Port Adelaide.
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Sydney Morning Herald
25 minutes ago
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The Age
29 minutes ago
- The Age
I'm not averse to exposed situations: Sigrid Thornton is back on stage
Mother Play: a play in five evictions traces the fortunes of a single mother named Phyllis, played by Thornton, and her two children. Beginning in the 1960s when the children are barely teenagers, the show follows the family over the next 40 years. '[This] is an homage or a way of talking to her mother, after the fact, which I think anyone who has experienced the death of a parent will understand,' Thornton says. 'It's a memory play, and by that I mean it's Paula's direct memory of her childhood and her early years, living on the poverty line in the states around Washington DC. She had a complex and challenging childhood in many ways, not least because the mother, who I play, is a functioning alcoholic. She has aspirations for both her children … and these revelations are played out through conversation and action.' 'She's clearly a difficult mother but no less inspiring in her way. She was a force, the kind of figure that people noticed in the room. She knew it but was trapped in a paradigm that didn't suit her personality. This is not too much of a spoiler to say: she has had very, very bad luck with men.' Does performing in a piece like this provide a degree of catharsis? 'No question, it is therapeutic. Anyone who's making creative work would say that it is both cathartic for them personally, but also that the hope is it will also have some ... connection with the creator's experience,' Thornton says. 'And perhaps, if one is very, very lucky [there will be] some kind of healing from that.' Going back to the theatre after a few years away is like returning to the gym after a break for the Melbourne-based actor. 'You work up to it... The memory is still there but it might take a little while to get it back.' It also changes with every production. 'You have to develop a whole set of new muscular responses that match your character, which will always be different.' As well as a degree of muscle memory, there's also intellectual memory involved, 'wrapping your head around that combined with an exercise of making a play, making a story together with people who all have their sensitivities and learning about each other and how to work in particular ways that suit each individual, and all of those things add to the mix when we're discussing and working on extremely personal material.' Therein lies the joy – discovering the characters and their stories, along with the director and other creatives. The show has been fascinating to research. 'There's a lot of information out there about [Vogel's] experience: her output, her sexuality and coming out, and all of those things in relation to her own parents,' she says. 'We are playing a person's real-life experience and the obvious dysfunction in the family I think anyone can relate to. It's not that far from Christmas, is it? We'll still have those memories.' One of this country's favourite actors, Thornton has grown up on our screens, big and small. In 1977, she starred as a fresh-faced 18-year-old in Bruce Beresford's The Getting of Wisdom, but it was her work in All The Rivers Run, beamed into lounge rooms around the nation, that cemented her in our hearts. Then came The Man From Snowy River and later Prisoner and its more recent offspring, Wentworth. Then in the '90s, there was SeaChange. Theatre has been a constant since her 30s – aged six she knew she wanted to be an actor – and returning to the MTC, she says, feels like a homecoming. As well as Mother Play, she has three projects underway, details of which remain under wraps for the moment. Several scripts are in development: that's always the core – the strength of the writing. 'But I'm going to be working on both sides of the camera,' she says. Thornton argues creative work is essential in every society. 'First Nations people valued above many, many things – it could be argued, above everything, apart from getting enough food and water – storytelling because it was an essential component in understanding the world, teaching future generations so that they could move forward with some clarity and a sense of connection, which is also critically important.' Loading Many of the themes in Mother Play resonate powerfully in a world with right-wing politics on the rise and under the Trump administration, particularly women's rights and queer rights. He is wreaking havoc in so many ways, Thornton says. The attacks on the arts and on free speech are incredibly worrying. 'The dismantling of the arts in any way, shape or form is anathema because creative work is in no small part about helping people feel connected to others, helping people feel that they are not alone. 'I do sincerely believe that the making of good stories, even purely to entertain people and make people smile, all of that storytelling needs to stay alive, malleable, flexible and free.'
