Catch Flights, Not Feelings: How A Solo Trip Healed My Broken Heart
The night I met my ex
I was out dancing with my friends in the East Village, and he was on the dance floor with an espresso martini. Immediately, I was like, 'That's my husband.' Our connection was instant. Everyone else went home after, but we went to this tragic diner and ordered the most diabolical (and in my opinion, the most romantic) meal — spaghetti and pancakes — and talked until 8 a.m.
We started spending every day together. He wasn't just my partner — he was my best friend. What I loved the most about us was that we never met a stranger, we never saw a plan that we said no to. We had so much fun.
But there was a bit of an age gap: When we met, he was 25 and I was 27, and toward the end — about a year and a half later — as things were getting more serious (talks of the future: moving in, starting a family), it started getting rough. You can have a beautiful relationship, but the infrastructure isn't right. We had love for each other, but the reality and the logistics of love didn't work.
There were signs: My body broke out in hives (I call it 'the breakup hives' — when your body tells you you're no longer happy in a relationship). He Venmo requested me on my birthday for my birthday meal. There were moments throughout the relationship where I felt, Oh wow I wish it was like this or I wish it was something. It got to a point where it was so clear that we were no longer in alignment.
The breakup
We ended things on Valentine's Day, which was horrific because that's like my Super Bowl. I'm a big gift-giver, so I got him a watch, and he didn't get me anything other than grocery store flowers. That was when I knew: I deserve better than this.
A lot of the time, the fear of being alone makes you feel like there's no one else out there. I still have so much love for my ex, but I also know I want more; I deserve more. I like saying, 'being delulu is the solulu,' because we have to stop apologizing for the things we want and calling it unrealistic. Settling for someone will ultimately make you unhappy.
The truth is: I lost all my confidence in that relationship; I lost a sense of myself. But it's hard to walk away from a relationship, whether they were the nastiest person or the nicest, whether it's a two-week fling or a 12-year relationship. It's one of the bravest things you can do.
After my ex and I broke up, we went no contact. In the beginning, I spent so many nights crying, but the biggest flex is to not care and move on. I embarked on a wellness, heartbreak-healing journey: I did pilates, I adopted clean eating habits, I went sober for 60 days (because I didn't want to drunk call him). It was hard, because you crave that person, like a sweet treat after a long day.
Travel was a big part of our love language. Since the breakup, I've solo traveled to every city we shared love in: Los Angeles (the city where we fell in love), Miami, and the Hamptons. I've gone to every city where we had romantic moments and reclaimed them for myself. These trips allowed me to feel everything — the joy of still standing, the freedom of knowing that I didn't settle, the proof that a breakup can hurt you but not break you.
But solo traveling overseas — my 10-day trip to France, four months post-breakup — was the one that healed me. I wanted to step away from work, to take the time to reflect, to take a break from being outward-oriented, and to water my creative self. But I have to admit: I was a little scared.
There was one night in Paris where I went to eat at Soho House, but there were so many hot people and they were all going to a party afterwards. At first, I wanted to hide in my room and order room service, but I told myself, 'You deserve to be seen.' So, I ate my dinner and went to that party alone. I know a little French, and I told this girl that I loved her earrings — and we started talking non-stop. She and her friends invited me out and we ended up at a club. It was an amazing night — one that I was able to share on social as it was happening, and then retell it over and over again to my family and friends over FaceTime the next day.
I may have been rediscovering my independence, but I was still connected. I was free, but never lost. On this trip, I realized how much love was waiting for me at home, and I was able to stay in touch with them every day through Verizon's TravelPass Perk, this too-good-to-be-true $10-per-month deal that gives me three days of unlimited calls, text, and data internationally each month. I added the perk to my myPlan Unlimited mobile plan four months before my trip, which resulted in over $80 in savings and an accrued total of 12 TravelPass Perk days to use in France. And so, I may have been alone, but I was never lonely.
No matter how confident you are, when you're thrown back into the streets of singleness, you're going to think, Am I hot enough? Am I cool enough? I also wrote a book — Modern Dating for Dummies — and I felt this weird internal shame. How am I going through a breakup when I'm supposed to be the expert? But this trip made me come to the conclusion that it's not hard to get into a relationship — the hardest thing is to fight for what you want.
As a child of divorce, I love helping others find love, but I'm guarded when it comes to myself. My ex made me realize that I do deserve love. I know I want someone who loves to go out and have fun — but who will also be there through major life events. Someone who will go all out on Valentine's Day. I want someone who loves my soul, who loves my heart.
I know I'm going to have my love story one day, but I'm not going to wait around in my apartment. I'm going to make that dream happen by catching flights — not feelings.
Solo traveling restored my faith in myself
When you're in a relationship, you can't let them be the source of your validation. You have to remind yourself that you are that baddie. It's hot and rebellious and cool and romantic to solo travel. There's so much world out there, so many people out there. You get to see new cultures, have new experiences — and you learn things about yourself. The worst thing you can do for your confidence is tell yourself that you need to hide because you don't have a guy. Going to a restaurant alone can be scary because you feel like everyone's looking — but nobody cares. And if they do, so what? It's all about perspective. When people stare at me, I think, They must think I'm the hottest. I'm always in sequins and crazy outfits, and in France, people did stare, and rightfully so. I'm a lot to look at. But the major takeaway is to not let insecure thoughts prevent you from having the best trip of your life.
I realized that I'm stronger than I thought, that I love how open I am, that I'm going to be okay.
You can't rush finding the one who's truly right for you. And on the flip side, you can't wait to live your life until you meet that person. So I always say: Don't wait to have your dream partner to have your dream trip. This is your one life. Take that trip.
*The TravelPass Perk is available to anyone on a qualifying myPlan Unlimited plan with Verizon. With myPlan, you can choose to add the TravelPass perk for just $10/mo. (a $26/mo. savings) and start accruing 3 TravelPass days per month. TravelPass days are good for 12 months, which means you can accrue up to 36 days to use however you like for unlimited talk, text, and data** in 210+ countries and destinations.
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