Careful, now - the 10 best Father Ted episodes, ranked!

RTÉ News​

2 days ago

It's one of the best sitcoms of all time, and certainly one of the most iconic and beloved Irish shows ever. If you want to spark a lively debate across a pub table, however, you need only utter the words: 'What's the best Father Ted episode?'
With Ted, Dougal, Jack, Mrs. Doyle and the assortment of characters that first set foot on Craggy Island celebrating their 30th anniversary, it's as good a time as ever to put ten of the show's best episodes in order. And if you don't agree? Well, that would be an ecumenical matter.
10. Flight Into Terror
The tenth episode of Season 2 was a doozy, not least because of the proliferation of various other characters (including the glorious return of Fr. Noel Furlong and Fr. Fintan Fay, aka the Monkey Priest), but because of the superb gags that continue to resonate in everyday life. Hands up if you've ever seen a big red button and thought of Dougal? The priests found themselves in mortal danger as they returned from a pilgrimage to a golf course where an apparition of the Virgin Mary appeared. When Jack steals the only two parachutes on board - one for him, the other for the drinks trolley - it's up to Ted to save the day (Watch here, via RTÉ Player)
9. The Passion of St. Tibulus
The phrases 'Careful now' and 'Down with this sort of thing' have become legend amongst Ted fans, and this was the episode that spawned those rallying cries. Bishop Brennan arrives on Craggy Island to insist that Ted and Dougal protest against the local cinema's showing of a racy religious film. When their protest inadvertently ends up making it a hit ("they're coming from Gdansk!"), Brennan threatens to exile them to terrible parishes - until Jack finds an incriminating VHS tape. The subtle skewering of figures like Eamon Casey and Michael Cleary was the cherry on the cake (Watch here, via RTÉ Player)
8. The Mainland
The Craggy Island contingent make a rare trip to the mainland to run a variety of errands, and needless to say, things don't quite go to plan. From Ted and Dougal getting lost in the Very Dark Caves (where they're tortured by Fr. Noel Furlong's rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody), to Jack being attacked by crows, to Mrs. Doyle ending up in jail (and Dougal trying to order a bag of chips and a can of Fanta at the Garda Station), Richard Wilson's guest turn is only one of the best things about this brilliant episode (Watch here, via RTÉ Player)
7. Old Grey Whistle Theft
The fourth episode of series two saw one of the most enduring guest characters - Father Damo Lennon - make himself known to the audience in glorious fashion; 'Blur or Oasis?' has never been weighted with so much gravitas. As the rebellious Damo leads Dougal astray, Craggy Island is rocked by the scandal of a stolen whistle: who is the thief? The writing in this episode is astoundingly good, from the bullish couple that Ted and Jack encounter on their picnic (F-U-P-O-F-F) to Jack's ability to name 'Jacob's Creek chardonnay 1991!' from the clink of a bottle, to the helicopter scene and the references to Boyz N the Hood (Watch here, via RTÉ Player)
6. Kicking Bishop Brennan Up the Arse
Both Graham Linehan and Arthur Mathews named this episode as their personal favourite, and it's definitely one of the best. In the previous episode (Escape from Victory), Ted's Craggy Island team had lost the Over-75s football tournament to his arch-nemesis Dick Byrne. The forfeit? Kicking Bishop Brennan up the arse. A likeness of the bishop has apparently appeared on a skirting board of the Craggy Island parochial house, and he arrives with Fr. Jessup - The Most Sarcastic Priest in Ireland - in tow to inspect it. From the 'very crude watercolour painting of a man in a bishop's hat', to the back-and-forth between Mrs. Doyle and Fr. Jessup, this episode is a total joy (Watch here, via RTÉ Player)
5. The Plague
Another one that features the indomitable Bishop Brennan (Jim Norton), who arrives at Craggy Island to inspect the sleeping arrangements of Jack, who has taken to frightening the locals by sleepwalking nude. When he encounters Dougal's new pet rabbit Sampras - and Bishop Brennan is not a fan of rabbits, having been trapped in a lift with them once - Ted and Dougal's attempts to remove the bunnies prove futile. They eventually realise that the rabbits are attracted to Jack's scent, but by then, it's much too late. A farcical delight with a multitude of priceless one-liners (Watch here, via RTÉ Player)
4. Hell
There are so many memorable moments in Hell that it quite simply deserves to rank within the top 5. Ted, Dougal and Jack go on holiday to the most depressing caravan in Ireland, where they inadvertently become the local peeping toms and have their trip gatecrashed by Fr. Noel Furlong and the St. Luke's Youth Group. Graham Norton's turn as the irritating priest is up there as one the funniest comedy characters in any sitcom, ever. It's also the episode that brought us the legendary 'small, far away' scene (Watch here, via RTÉ Player)
3. A Song for Europe
It's not just because of the glorious My Lovely Horse, or because it so perfectly lampoons the Irish experience of Eurovision in the 1990s. Like most of the truly great Father Ted episodes, it's the little asides and in-jokes that keep the laughs coming in A Song for Europe - like Ted's meltdown during their writing session ("Just play the f**king note!"), Jack's reaction to their performance (shooting Ted's guitar with a shotgun), even Dougal's penchant for wearing an Ireland jersey in bed. An episode that never gets old (Watch here, via RTÉ Player)
2. New Jack City
Brendan Grace was just one of the famous names in comedy to make a cameo in Father Ted, but the late Dubliner's turn as Fr. Fintan Stack was undoubtedly one of the best. When Jack is consigned to St. Clabbert's Hospital after contracting Hairy Hands Syndrome, his replacement Fr. Stack - an obnoxious, uncouth, jungle-loving terror who enjoys drilling holes in the wall - sets the cat amongst the pigeons at the parochial house. Again, the little asides in this episode, from a very drunk Dougal ("We're all going to heaven lads, waheyyyy!") to the 'Sports Day' video that Ted and his friends are watching, are superb - as is Brendan Grace, who nails the sociopathic Fr. Stack (Watch here, via RTÉ Player)
1. Speed 3
It's a tough call, but it's the right one. Speed 3 is the best Father Ted episode for a multitude of reasons - the writing, the acting, the clever references and the sheer ludicrousness of the plot - but mostly because it's one you can watch over and over again. When local lothario milkman Pat Mustard (Pat Laffan) arrives on Craggy Island and starts knocking up the local housewives, Ted makes it his business to get him fired. His revenge? A bomb on a milk cart driven by Dougal. This is also hands-down one of the quotable episodes, from 'Is there anything to be said for saying another Mass?' to 'I love my brick' to 'Those women were in the nip!' It also characterised the relationship between Ted (the late, great Dermot Morgan) and the hapless Dougal (the superb Ardal O'Hanlon) wonderfully. You will never get tired of watching Speed 3