Chris Kamara reveals heartfelt 'apology; to wife after dark period
For Mental Heath Awareness Week Chris Kamara reveals how overcoming his demons has helped him come to terms with his condition
It's been three years since Chris Kamara was given a devastating diagnosis that convinced him he would never be allowed to report on live football again.
For the much-loved Sky Sports pundit, whose very job requires speaking quickly and clearly, being told he had speech apraxia - a neurological disorder disrupting the transfer of thought from brain to speech, and making it difficult to talk - was his worst nightmare.
Now, though, Kammy, as he is affectionately known, says therapy has helped him finally accept and learn to live with his condition without needing further treatment.
The 67-year-old, who also returned to TV punditry on Boxing Day last year remembers how the condition crept up on him, triggering a bleak period when he began to think his family would be better off without him.
'I kept thinking, for over 18 months, that it would go away. I just kept thinking one day I'll wake up and I'll be back to the person I was,' says Kammy, 67.' But I have accepted the way I speak now. And that's because of the work on my mental health.
'My therapist told me that the day you accept your condition is the day you will start getting better, and that is what happened. I can be my own worst critic but my speech has improved and I'm fine with how I sound.'
But he is full of regret that he did not let his family help him through this period. "They spotted the signs (that I was struggling). I should have talked to my wife Anne, for which I have apologised to her. I didn't tell my wife what was going on.
"My family would have supported me rather than somebody I didn't know, Anne, and my sons would have helped me in the first place."
The couple has been married for 43 years, and they are parents to Ben, 40, and Jack, 38, as well as grandparents of four - Solomon, seven, Connie, seven, Billie, five and three-year-old Morgan.
He knows that confiding in a stranger can be preferable. He says: "I grew up at a time when you didn't talk about your feelings. I lived in a football world where any sort of weakness was frowned upon... men feel they have to be strong all the time.
"But you need to talk about things going on inside your head...get it off your chest, it's not like you (come out of a therapy session) feeling cured immediately. But there is a sense of relief - in just talking.'
The sportsman says that when he first realised his speech difficulties, he thought he may be suffering from dementia or Alzheimer's. "It was a really tough period" he recalls.
"I started feeling really low. I just did not want be a burden to my family but my illness came to fruition just before the Covid lockdown. I had these stupid thoughts.'
But when lockdown hit, his son, who lives in Leeds, and his family moved into Kammy and his wife Anne's farm in Wakefield, West Yorkshire.
"My other son lives next door, so we were all together. I spent a lot of time with my grandson down with the animals, looking at him enjoying himself in the mud and with the sheep. It made me appreciate what I have, " he reveals.
The dark thoughts thankfully dispersed by the time he received his medical diagnosis but adds: "I was totally embarrassed by my apraxia. But once I got over it, which I have now, I realise your voice doesn't define who you are. I'm sorry to anyone who has a speech condition that I felt that way for so long.'
For Mental Health Awareness Week, which starts today, Kammy has teamed up with alcohol education charity Drinkaware and Andy's Man Club suicide prevention charity to explore the impact between mid-life men's (aged 45-64) drinking and mental health.
Although he has never felt tempted to use booze as an emotional crutch and escape from his struggles, working on the campaign has shown him the impact of drinking on mental health and the vicious cycle people can find themselves trapped in.
" A few years ago I discovered I was drinking too much and when I did get my apraxia I did wonder whether my apraxia was brought on by alcohol abuse but it's a brain injury.
'Alcohol can feel like a way out, a coping mechanism. But men need to talk more about their feelings. I grew up as a dinosaur in my thinking - you pull yourself together and get on with it, but I was wrong. We all need support.'
Born on Christmas Day 1957 in Middlesbrough to a Sierra Leonean father and English mother, Kammy joined the Navy in his teens at the insistence of his dad, who was a former naval mariner.
His Royal Navy career led to him playing for the Navy's football team and that eventually led to a professional football career.
He went on to play for teams including Leeds and Middlesbrough, but as one of the very few black players at the time, suffered relentless racist abuse.
The vile slurs from the stands never overshadowed his love of the game - and in the mid nineties Kammy became Bradford City's first black manager after previously playing for the team.
By 2000, he had given up his pitchside career to be a Sky Sports pundit and quickly became a viewers favourite as part of an entertaining double act with Soccor Saturday host Jeff Stelling.
One of Kammy's many highlight s was his now legendary 2010 gaffe when while on the touchline for the Portsmouth v Blackburn game, he failed to spot Portsmouth player Anthony Vanden Borre's sending off.
When Jeff asked Kammy who was given the red card, Kammy replied, "I don't know Jeff! Has there been? I must've missed that." , then stared down at the pitch, none the wiser.
Jeff and the pundits back in the Sky studio were in hysterics as was the viewing public - and Kammy shot to fame.
He says: 'I always think back to that day. I had done lots of TV before then, but that took me to a different sphere in terms of the shows that I was doing after I did that.
'I know most people would have tried to blag it but if I had pretended I knew about the red card - I might not have had the career I had!
'That one gaffe brought me notoriety across the world. I was reprimanded by the producer for that but the next day he called me and told me he had all these sports channels from China, America, all over the world, all wanting to speak to me about missing the red card! '
He has since gone on to co-host ITV game show Ninja Warrior as well as making appearances on multiple shows, and played himself on acclaimed Apple TV+ series, Ted Lasso.
In 2023, the sportsman was awarded an MBE for services to football, charity and anti-racism.
This year, the former Bradford player has been recruiting fans to perform as a choir as part of this year's UK City of Culture celebrations.
The choir's progress is documented on BBC Sounds programme Bantam of the Opera.
Working alongside opera singer Lesley Garret he says he is leaving the " Soprano bits to her. " - although he is no stranger to singing, having released two Christmas albums.
"Singing helps with the fluency of getting the flow back in my voice, so it's beneficial as fun as enjoyable," he says.
To help rekindle some of the fluency in his elocutio, on the recommendation of Good Morning Britain host Kate Garraway, Kammy embarked on revolutionary treatments in Mexico: "I went three times, and there has been an improvement every time, but my family doesn't want me to go again.
Kammy is actually now more in demand on TV since his diagnosis, but he says it's not his apraxia that's holding him back: "Would you believe it, I'm getting offers all the time!
'I'd love to do I'm A Celeb, but I wouldn't be able to do the tasks. I also have dyspraxia, which affects physical coordination. I can walk but my balance is very difficult. If anything knocked me, I'd fall. I'd hate not being able to do the trials, so I would have to say no to that."
He adds: "I have had an amazing career - it really has been unbelievable! "he chuckles. " But what I'm most grateful for is my family."
Chris Kamara is supporting Drinkaware's ''Its okay to talk about drinking' campaign, along with Andy's Man Club . Find out more at Drinkaware.co.uk or andysmanclub.co.uk
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