Is your anxiety monster ruining your life? The 4 steps to beat it – and when you need professional help

The Sun

17-05-2025

FEEL like you're fighting a losing battle against anxious thoughts?
Here's how to stop worrying and start living.
Do you often find yourself tangled in a spiral of negative thoughts
Maybe you worry that you'll mess up a meeting at work that will ruin everything, or you overthink that joke you told at the pub into the early hours of the morning.
Anxious thoughts are something we all experience – 37% of women report having high anxiety levels * – but if it affects daily life, it's a problem.
The sliding scale of symptoms can range from racing thoughts to a pounding heart – or a full-blown panic attack.
And yet, chances are, you've told yourself to 'stop being silly' when you've felt anxious – or maybe someone else has.
'Many patients come to me bewildered by their anxiety and feeling quite foolish about it, which disempowers them and leaves them feeling defeated and stuck,'
NHS GP Dr Martin Brunet tells Fabulous.
He is the author of Your Worry Makes Sense, which explores why anxiety is logical and how you can manage it.
He adds: 'If you can understand anxiety, then you can be empowered, and if you're empowered, you can take small steps and get to a point where you're in control of your anxiety, rather than it being in control of you.'
You should see your GP if you are concerned about the impact it is having on your life and if it is there most of the time.
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But there are some things you can do to help yourself, as Dr Brunet explains. . .
What Is Anxiety?
Anxiety is a normal bodily response that, from an evolutionary perspective, protects you from threat.
It is part of the broader 'fight, flight or freeze' response that kicks in when you sense danger.
The point at which it becomes excessive and persistent, rather than temporary, may be considered generalised anxiety disorder (GAD), which affects one in 25 people in the UK.**
Dr Brunet likens anxiety to 'a faulty smoke alarm that goes off every time you use the toaster.'
He explains: 'What we perceive as a threat can be impacted by conditioning, maybe from a past experience or how we've been brought up.'
Other forms of anxiety disorder include social anxiety, agoraphobia and OCD.
'The false alarm in OCD might be a fear of contamination that can only be calmed by excessive cleaning,' he says.
But the symptoms can prevent you from living a full life.
'I want to help people understand it makes perfect sense if you avoid the supermarket because you have panic attacks when you get there,' says Dr Brunet.
'What you need to know next is: 'What do I do now? How do I regain control and manage anxiety in my day-to-day life?' '
Stop thoughts spiralling
The first step is understanding and acknowledging what is happening when you begin to feel anxious – your body is going into protective mode.
The second step is to focus on the facts, rather than letting your imagination run wild.
'So, when you start panicking, instead of thinking: 'My body is falling apart and something terrible is going on,' think: 'My heart is racing and that is my healthy heart responding to adrenalin, because I'm anxious about such and such',' says Dr Brunet.
'It is about taking a step back, allowing the adrenalin in your body to drop a little bit and your breath to slow down, so you are not spiralling.'
Rethink Your Language
Your language reflects your mindset, and therefore, adapting it can prove empowering.
Someone stuck in 'obey mode' to their anxiety often tells themselves 'I can't' or 'I have to' statements.
Dr Brunet explains: 'It restricts their life, leaving them powerless.'
Reframing your anxiety as a doubting disorder, for example, can be useful.
'Anxiety is best thought of as a problem with uncertainty or doubt,' says Dr Brunet.
You might remind yourself: 'I find it difficult to deal with uncertainty and doubt.'
He adds: 'You're acknowledging it's not what you want, and it's a challenge for you, but notably, you can work with that and move forwards.'
Expand Your Comfort Zone
Anxiety can be all-consuming, so Dr Brunet suggests approaching recovery like rehabilitation of a physical injury – slowly and kindly.
He recommends drawing three large circles, one inside the other. The inner circle is the Comfort Zone.
He says: 'Write down activities where anxiety might not be absent, but you do them freely because you enjoy them.'
The outer circle is the No-Go Zone: 'Write down activities or situations anxiety currently stops you from doing, but you would be happy to never do. It reminds us that anxiety is normal.'
This could include getting public transport, for example.
The middle circle is the Expansion Zone: 'Write down activities or situations you can't do because of your anxiety, but would like to do.'
For example, you would like to go to your friend's party, despite knowing few people.
Work on expanding your Comfort Zone.
'Pick something you think you can realistically achieve and plan how you might start doing that thing in little steps,' says Dr Brunet.
'It might be going that bit further or doing something a bit longer each time, and then practise getting used to each step, tolerating and accepting the feeling of anxiety that you get when you do it.'
Imagine Your Anxiety Monster
It might sound absurd to put yourself in situations where you have to endure anxiety.
So, imagine your anxiety as a goofy monster or an excitable puppy, and give it a name you find funny – in his book, Dr Brunet calls it Wilbur.
'You can't expect Wilbur to stay at home, so you acknowledge he will be with you as you go about your day,' he says.
'You're not going to fight him; you're not going to let him be the boss. You might even thank him for trying to keep you safe, but reassure him everything is OK. That way, he quietens down.'
If this feels daft, it should do!
'Anxiety takes itself very seriously and there is power in the silliness,' says Dr Brunet.
'So, if thinking of your anxiety monster makes you smile, you are building new associations in the brain and changing your relationship with anxiety.'
When Do I Need Professional Help?
'If it is something that's been going on for some time, or if you're finding it very difficult, then why try to manage on your own?' asks Dr Brunet.
Visit your GP, who may prescribe medication or refer you for talking therapy if self-help hasn't worked.
This is usually cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), either alone with a therapist or in a group.
The goal of CBT is to change unhelpful thought patterns or behaviours. You can self-refer for talking therapies on the NHS website.
'People often think anxiety has got to be really bad before you have therapy, or they don't think they need therapy yet,' he says.
'But it is not a question of whether you need it, it is a question of whether it would be helpful. Even a 15-minute chat with your GP can make a difference.'