I went to Switzerland's last finishing school – these are the skills that changed my life

Telegraph

4 days ago

Once a rite of passage for society girls preparing for debutante balls, the traditional finishing school fell out of favour in the mid-1990s – with schools attended by the likes of Princess Diana closing their doors for good.
But on the edge of Lake Geneva, at the foot of the Alps, Switzerland's last finishing school – the acclaimed Institut Villa Pierrefeu (IVP), still has a huge demand for places, despite a six-week course in etiquette costing upwards of £22,000.
There, girls from around the world learn essential life skills, ranging from the modern (media management) to the practical (walking in heels) to the positively unusual (eating a banana with a knife and fork).
Belle Le Fevre was one of its students. But is Le Fevre starting to feel the pressure of organising such an occasion, the guest list, seating plan, table decorations and, crucially, making sure both her English and French guests are treated with utmost politeness? Mais non.
For the 29-year-old, organising such an event is a breeze – thanks to her training. 'When my parents told their friends I was going to finishing school, I think many of them were quite dismissive,' Le Fevre, from Brackley, Northants, admits. 'There was a sense of, 'What on earth are you sending her there for, in this day and age?'
'I'd always loved the idea of going though – my mum told me she regretted not being able to because she had to go straight into the world of work. Her best friend went to IVP, and I've always admired the understated confidence she carries herself with.
'So, when I graduated from the University of York, in 2018, with a degree in business management, I went straight from there to IVP's summer school in Montreux.
'However, I was a bit unsure of what to expect. I was hoping I wouldn't have to spend six weeks learning to walk with a book balanced on my head and riding side-saddle – but that couldn't have been further from the reality.
'I left with a confidence that was probably beyond my years; [knowing] that I could walk into any room and interact with anyone in the world, and I'd know what to do. I made so many wonderful friends from around the world.
'And, once I'd returned, the same people who had raised an eyebrow at me going started getting in touch, asking what they should do with a soup spoon once they had finished their starter.'
(If there's a coupe plate, set it on there. If not, leave it in the bowl – but never place it back onto the table, she helpfully clarifies).
'A little thoughtfulness goes a long way'
Indeed, the Institut Villa Pierrefeu's summer programme, based in Montreux, includes lessons in everything from how to correctly lay a table and walk in high heels to international business etiquette and media management.
'I'd been brought up with upper-middle-class British manners, but I quickly learnt that what I considered to be polite would not necessarily be held in such high regard in other parts of the world,' explains Le Fevre.
'For example, in the UK, we consider a firm handshake to be an appropriate greeting, but that's not so in France, where they often prefer the air-kiss for social settings, while other cultures use a hand on the chest.
'I always try to introduce myself with a greeting that's appropriate to the other person's culture; a little thoughtfulness goes a long way.
'I was surprised to learn that French and English dining etiquette was so different, too. When I first met my fiancé's parents, I could make sure I did what they would find polite rather than what I thought was polite; for instance, I put my knife and fork together in the 5 o'clock position, rather than the 6 o'clock one.
'I think they were pleased.'
'We learnt how to eat a banana with a knife and fork'
The summer course at IVP includes more than 30 intensive practical exams, covering everything from table setting, correct dress and suitable conversation topics for specific groups of guests, plus how quickly attendees are able to rescue a conversation that's at risk of drifting into dangerous territory.
There are also individual exams on the customs of more than 20 different countries, which include questions on etiquette and taboo conversation topics.
'We did also spend a morning learning how to walk in high heels,' Le Fevre admits. 'But as someone who lives in flats, I did really appreciate learning how not to fall flat on my face. (The key, apparently, is to go from heel to toe.)
'I underwent media training, too, learning how to handle difficult questions in a crisis situation. I use that knowledge all the time at work while handling complaints and making sure people understand that I have heard them and am being diplomatic.
'There was the odd thing that seemed a bit superfluous – we learnt how to eat a banana with a knife and fork, so I know if the need for me to do so ever arose, I'd be covered.
'The amount of material covered and constant exams are actually quite intense and definitely not for the faint-hearted,' she adds.
And for those who believe training in the correct spacing between cutlery and navigating four-inch stilettos is outdated?
'I don't think it's outdated at all,' Le Fevre says. 'I see etiquette videos popping up all over my social media channels all the time. People seem to be obsessed with 'old money etiquette' and learning how to be polite more than ever before,' Le Fevre adds – although notes that many of them offer incorrect advice.
'The demand for traditional finishing schools might have decreased, but there is clearly huge interest in learning basic manners.'
'Real etiquette is not snobbery'
William Hanson, leading etiquette expert and author of the politeness guide Just Good Manners believes we are currently in an etiquette boom.
'In the past five years, the demand I have seen for etiquette classes has increased enormously,' he said.
'There's been a real push back against technology removing the need for face-to-face interaction. I'm seeing more and more people asking for training in how to act with grace and decorum in a world of technology.
'Another interesting possibility behind the rise in etiquette interest is the large number of people on the international stage who openly display tremendously bad manners. That has acted as a catalyst for others to focus on making sure they display the opposite.'
The headmistress of Institut Villa Pierrefeu, Viviane Neri, agrees. 'The core of our curriculum has always been about being polite, confident and cultivating interesting and interested women,' she says.
'Real etiquette is not snobbery; it's about being humble and knowing that you will never know everything – just do your best and be polite to people, whatever the situation.'
And while the curriculum at IVP has changed considerably over the years, these principles, Neri adds, have not. 'Traditionally, our courses were run over a year, with modules in cooking, French, childcare, sewing and current events, but by the turn of the millennium, most of our clients were businesswomen, who couldn't take a year out,' she says.
'Those soft etiquette skills are so in demand in business, so we decided to condense the elements of etiquette and protocol into a six-week course instead. The courses are now so popular that we have rolled out international dining courses for men – and we're hoping to create more courses for both genders in the future.'
So, does Le Fevre consider the IVP course money well spent?
'Absolutely. I use the skills I learnt at finishing school more often than the ones I learnt during my degree. I don't think I could ever regret a course that has opened my eyes to so many cultures and taught me so much,' she says.
'If I ever have a daughter, I would absolutely make sure she had the opportunity to study there too.'
Belle Le Fevre's top tips for polite living:
Know how to enter a room
'Entering a room with confidence will set you apart in any situation, be it social or business. Hold yourself with poise and never turn your back on the room. Take time to make eye contact with everyone you speak to and give them your full attention – they will remember you.'
How to cut a banana with a knife and fork
'We learn this in case a banana is served at a meal as an alternative to the main pudding – sometimes they can be offered if someone has dietary requirements that mean they can't eat the pudding on the menu. It looks rather inelegant to eat one with your fingers...!
Place the banana on the plate.
Using the fork to hold it steady, cut off both ends with the knife and put them to one side.
Then, turning the knife horizontally (again using the fork to hold the banana steady), you cut along the long back side and inner side of the skin.
Use the knife and fork to lift the top side of the banana skin off, placing it neatly on the side of your plate, before using the knife and fork to gently separate the banana at the sides from the peel.
Then eat your banana either in the English or French style of dining, depending on how you have eaten the rest of your meal. (English, use your knife and fork, French, use just the fork, using the side to cut) and eat the banana in slices from one end to the other.
Once you're finished, put both ends back into the banana skin, and put the peel back over the top so it looks nice and neat on your plate.'
Practise small talk
'The most useful thing I learnt was the art of starting a conversation with anybody. The magic question I always use is: 'How do you spend your time?' because it allows the other person to interpret the question however they like. They could start talking about work, hobbies or what they've been watching on television. It never fails to put people at ease.'
Know the dress code
'They say there's no such thing as being overdressed, but that's not strictly true. The most important part of accepting a social invitation is to read the occasion and understand the dress code – if you're not sure, ask the host. It can make you, and other guests, feel uncomfortable if you turn up over, or under, dressed.'
You can abandon British table manners
'Don't assume that what you consider to be good dining etiquette applies in other countries. In Britain, we're obsessed with using a knife and fork, but in Italy, it's perfectly acceptable to eat pizza with your hands. Meanwhile, in India, it's expected to eat with your fingers, and in many Asian cultures it's good manners to use two hands to pass someone a cup. Do your research before you dine with people from a different culture.'
Ask for help
'It's always acceptable to ask your host, or other people, for help if you're not sure what to do. Having good manners is about being humble and polite, not showing off what you know. If you genuinely aren't sure whether something is acceptable or not, a polite but quiet word with your host should answer your question. If they're a good host, they will be pleased that you asked and want to be polite too.'