Tudor England's unluckiest deaths revealed... including priest who 'tumbled off a toilet seat' and the butcher who walked home in slippers
If you really want to understand what it meant to live and die in Tudor England, look not to the royal court but to the nation's cesspits, stiles and ale-soaked backstreets.
In their new book, An Accidental History of Tudor England, historians Steven Gunn and Tomasz Gromelski use coroner records to reveal a side of the 16th century rarely seen.
It was a world where death didn't always come by sword or pox, but by misstep, misfortune, and even a pair of overly tight trousers.
Take the elderly clergyman of Westoning, Bedfordshire, who met his maker not in the pulpit, but on the privy.
He 'tumbled backwards off a toilet seat,' according to the inquest report, and was left 'suspended by his hose until he expired'.
In an era of long garments and basic sanitation, even answering nature's call could prove perilous.
Tudor toilets, it turns out, were not to be trifled with.
Outside Trumpington Gate in Cambridge, John Dunkyn, a local baker, fell backwards into his own garden cesspit after a night of drinking.
'Qweasomed' by the stench, the jurors noted, he suffocated in the sewage alone while trapped just yards away from his home.
Alcohol, it seems, featured in more than a few of these cautionary tales.
Roughly one in every hundred accidental deaths studied by Gunn and Gromelski involved a tipsy victim.
Also among them was Thomas Beettes of Brentwood, a butcher who made the wise choice to walk home from the alehouse rather than attempt to ride a horse.
The flaw in his plan? He was wearing slippers.
He slipped into a roadside ditch and drowned in what was an undignified end brought about by soft shoes and strong beer.
James Johnson was another one. In 1565, he got drunk and fell asleep in an alley in Southwark.
He woke up 'barely possessed of a healthy and calm mind' and decided to defecate in a ditch.
Inevitably though, he was unsteady on his feet. He fell into the water and drowned.
An Accidental History of Tudor England is based on records from the period.
Tudor law mandated that suspicious or sudden deaths had to be investigated by a coroner.
Once they had reached a verdict, coroners' reports were filed away at Westminster. Over the course of the 16th century, nearly 9,000 such records were collected.
Even good intentions proved fatal. Nicholas Jenckes was driving a timber cart when he wedged a bottle of ale between his knees for safekeeping.
The cart overturned. The bottle shattered. The resulting horrifying injury - crushed genitals - killed him.
If that sounds grisly, spare a thought for John Olyer. Crossing a stile in the countryside, he slipped and tore what records politely call his 'codd.'
Twelve days later, he died of infection.
Not all fashion is fatal, but for Henry Daunce, a dapper draper of Bury St Edmunds, it may well have been.
In 1526, while bending over to wash his face in a stream, Daunce's doublet and hose were so tight that he toppled headfirst into the water.
With his movement restricted by his stylish ensemble, he couldn't get up again. He drowned; a death by vanity, if ever there was one.
Others died through sheer recklessness. On Whit Sunday in 1588, a day meant for piety and rest, Kent local John Cheeseman, who suffered from a hernia, joined younger revellers at an inn for a night of dancing.
Cheeseman did not heed warnings to take it easy.
'Caring little for his hernia,' the coroner's roll recorded, he danced wildly and repeatedly collapsed, until eventually 'a great part of his entrails was thrust up out of his belly under his skin.'
The official cause of death? His own 'bad conduct'.
He quite literally danced himself to death.
And then there's poor William Hykeman, a waterman on the Isle of Thanet, whose death came by misjudged flirtation.
While fooling around with a reed-cutter named Rose, he threw her to the ground, unaware of the knife at her belt.
One unlucky movement later, the blade was in his thigh and he bled out.
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
The Sun
8 minutes ago
- The Sun
I had revenge sex after boyfriend bedded my pal – but he thinks what I did was WORSE and constantly brings it up
DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER my boyfriend slept with my friend, I had revenge sex with someone from work. I forgave my boyfriend but apparently what I did is still an issue. We're eight months on and he constantly brings up my cheating. Yet, somehow, his infidelity isn't as important. I'm 25 and he is 26. We've been together for almost two years. A while back we went through a bad patch, because I felt neglected and needed more affection from him, but he refused to change. Miserable, I decided to take a break to see if he would change his mind. It backfired because within a week he had sex with a friend of mine. I was heartbroken but he convinced me to give him another chance. It played on my mind and I couldn't forget what he'd done. We decided we needed some space from one another to work out what we wanted. I was so angry and admit I behaved recklessly. One night I went out after work and got drunk. Looking back I can see I was on a mission: I flirted outrageously and went home with one of my colleagues, my mind was full of revenge. I knew this guy liked me, he had made it obvious before. He's 30 and single but he was a let-down in bed. Afterwards I felt so guilty, I confessed to my boyfriend. Spotting the signs your partner is cheating Still, I was taken aback when he admitted he'd been getting to know another girl and she had given him oral sex. We agreed to forgive one another but my boyfriend is finding it difficult to forget. He always brings up what I did, even though I don't say anything about his behaviour. My sex drive is almost non-existent now. I wonder if it's because he won't accept we are as bad as each other. DEIDRE SAYS: As you now know, two wrongs do not make a right. I understand your anger with your boyfriend but, as you discovered, revenge didn't give you the satisfaction you were seeking. Every time something goes wrong in your relationship, you both run away from the issues. But unless you can dig in, talk about how you feel and start to open up, it won't be possible to create trust. You both will continue to question the other, think the worst of them and – in time – no doubt stray again. You need to be positive about the future and the pleasures you can share but if nothing changes you should think about calling it a day. My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help. I'VE LOST WIFE TO THE GYM DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife wants to move out, leaving me and the kids. I put it down to her gym obsession – or one of her workout buddies has turned her head. She joined a gym three years ago, now she's addicted. She's constantly posting on social media about how far she's run or how many bench presses she's done. Is anyone interested? Even our two teenage kids are fed-up. It's as if we don't exist – she'll meet friends from the gym on Tuesdays and Friday nights and now it's spilling into our weekends. We had a row about me feeling second-best but she said she can't give up the gym and we'd be better off with her living elsewhere. I'm a 45-year-old man, she's 40. There's a guy who always goes out with her. He's 43 and equally obsessed with fitness. She says they're friends. But why this sudden urgency for her to get her own place? DEIDRE SAYS: She's checked out – but you can fight to keep her invested, for the sake of all of you. Keep calm and hold a mirror up to her obsession. Explain the children are missing her presence and so are you. She may be feeling a crisis at reaching 40 but she's paying a high price. Be honest – if you've neglected your relationship too, tell her that you're going to wipe the slate clean and look at it through fresh eyes. Counselling will help. See or call 020 7380 1975. SEXY PHONE PICS ENRAGED LOVER DEAR DEIDRE: SOME revealing pictures and messages sent to me by an old friend have flipped out my girlfriend, after she went into my phone and saw them. I am 27 and my girlfriend is 24. We have been together for two years and I absolutely adore her. We met online but I am the first proper boyfriend she has had and the only guy she has fallen in love with. I have no intention of ever cheating on her but do have a bit of a reputation for being flirty. I bumped into my old friend in a coffee shop in town. I have known her since we were both 16. She looked amazing and it was good to see her. My friend and I had never got together but I'd always fancied her so when I discovered she had always liked me it was a huge ego boost. That day we sat and chatted and she admitted she had always had a crush on me. I didn't really know what to say so just laughed it off. But a few days later she messaged me and we began chatting. At first it was just day-to-day stuff but then the messages became flirtier. I now realise a little bit of flirting can run away with you and soon become out of control. My girlfriend has accused me of cheating, which I guess it was. I am now wondering whether I will ever be able to have a relationship without harming it. I can't eat or sleep worrying about the damage I have caused to my relationship. DEIDRE SAYS: Flirting may seem harmless but some see it as micro-cheating. Your girlfriend clearly feels you have betrayed her. She needs to know that you are there for her, because your attention has certainly been elsewhere. Ask yourself how you would feel if she was exchanging revealing pictures and messages with another guy. Talk to her about her boundaries, and what constitutes cheating in her eyes, and see if you can agree limits. Talking this through will bring you closer. Flirting can be driven by low self-worth. My support pack Raising Self-esteem explains more about the underlying causes. BOYFRIEND DUMPED ME FOR ARMY DEAR DEIDRE: I AM heartbroken because my boyfriend is joining the Army and no longer wants to be in a relationship with me. I have begged him to reconsider but he is adamant that he has made up his mind. I have even said I will move to wherever he is going to be based, so we can be closer, but he is not listening. He doesn't want to know. I am 19 and my boyfriend is 20. We have been together for almost a year. We discussed marriage and kids, even though he never made as much effort as I did during our time together. I have been saving for our wedding for over a year and he told me he was putting money aside to buy me an engagement ring. I know he has always wanted a career in the Army and there is nothing wrong with him being ambitious. What I can't understand is why he is being so cruel by completely cutting me out of his life. I am devastated. DEIDRE SAYS: I am sorry he has dealt with this in such a hurtful way. He is young, and clearly wants to see more of life and broaden his horizons before he settles down. Even though it is devastating for you, it is better that you find out now rather than later down the line. My support pack Mend Your Broken Heart will help you to learn from this and move on.
The Sun
8 minutes ago
- The Sun
Rank unfairness of UK today means Starmer's Two Tier Kier nickname has stuck – but here's how he can shed it
FOR those enraged at growing evidence of 'two-tier' Britain, the acquittal of Ricky Jones last week was just the latest depressing example. Here was a Labour councillor being cleared of encouraging violent disorder despite calling for far-right protesters to have their throats slit. 3 3 Reform and the Tories seized on the case as yet another blinding display of courtroom double standards. Shadow Home Secretary Chris Philp wasted no time laying the travesty squarely at the feet of Sir Keir Starmer. In a tweet viewed more than two million times, he said 'as far as I can see, this Labour Government seems to be quite happy with two-tier justice'. Cue howls of anger from online liberals, who breathlessly crowed that not only was he disrespecting the decision of a jury, he was unfairly meting out blame to ministers. 'You ought to know this has nothing to do with them', retorted the arch-Conservative wet Dominic Grieve. 'That is the hallmark of a rabble rouser.' Rank unfairness But people are roused. In fact, they are bloody furious about what they perceive to be rampant 'two-tierism'. The refrain thundered into the political lexicon like a bullet train in the tinderbox aftermath of last year's Southport riots. In that sticky, angry summer, there was a feeling the clunking fist of the British state was being disproportionately brought down upon a certain kind of protester. For a public that routinely watches paedophiles walk free, the case of Lucy Connolly — slung in the slammer for a disgraceful but quite clearly stupid tweet — became a lightning rod. Even now, her 31-month jail sentence is the yardstick held up against some of the more mind-boggling outcomes from our judiciary. 'Two-tier' justice savaged by Kemi Badenoch who blasts 'extraordinary' decision to spare Huw Edwards You can argue the toss over how much blame ministers should shoulder for policing and court decisions. We have an independent judiciary but it is of course Parliament that makes our laws and ministers who make the political weather. Rightly or wrongly, Starmer is the man at the sharp end of the criticism. And much more dangerously for him, allegations of two-tier standards have now stretched well beyond the orbit of crime and seeped into every cranny of public life. It has become a byword for the rank unfairness voters see in modern day Britain. Charges of two-tierism are so common I'd eat my notebook if it is not the 2025 Oxford word of the year. For voters who feel they are being taken for a ride, they now see two-tierism everywhere they look Of all the unfortunate nicknames bestowed upon our Prime Minister, none has stuck quite so solidly as Two Tier Keir. For voters who feel they are being taken for a ride, they now see two-tierism everywhere they look. Ordinary British families struggling to pay the rent watch in fury as undocumented illegal migrants waltz into hotels for free bed and board. Law-abiding citizens paying full whack for council services and leisure activities read revelations in The Sun about small-boat migrants getting discounts. Millions of workers setting their alarm clocks for crack of dawn see an ever-growing number of their countrymen and women signing on for welfare with zero requirements to look for work. Taxpayers squeezed more than ever wonder where the improvement in public services is to show for it. Passengers paying hefty Tube fares rattle with rage as guards turn a blind eye to entitled oiks bumping the barriers. And just last week, we saw Birmingham council tear down St George flags from lamp-posts while turning a blind eye to Palestinian ones. Two-tierism is more than just a buzzword — it captures the mood of a nation fed up with a system they increasingly feel is not on their side. The PM's political enemies are alive to just how damaging the Two Tier Keir narrative has become. Consider how just last year those who brandished allegations of two-tierism were dismissed as cranks and nutjobs, whereas now these are mainstream complaints. Even when Starmer was shoving Netflix show Adolescence down our throats, but neglected to watch a documentary about grooming gangs, he was accused of 'two-tier telly'. How does Sir Keir neutralise these attacks and restore the faith of a nation that loves rules and loathes unfairness? Winning the trust of voters always starts by showing them you get it. Starmer will never himself use the T-word — a refrain adopted mainly by the political Right. And it is unlikely this former lawyer will start openly criticising his old profession, although it is a good first step that he has pledged new legislation to stop dinghy-chasing lawyers weaponising European human-rights laws. Kick up backside Expect him to start wrapping himself up in the language of 'fairness' over the next few months, though, as he tries to show he does in fact get it. He tweeted yesterday: 'I will do what it takes to uphold the law and ensure fairness for the British people. 'If someone doesn't have the right to be in this country, we won't allow them to stay.' Which is all well and good, but the rhetoric has to be matched by results. Whitehall departments have been given a kick up the backside to deliver positive stories about this Government to sell. At a recent summer bash, No10 chiefs told Cabinet aides that the Health, Treasury and Environment departments had churned out the most 'top of the grid' stories — a pointed reminder to slackers to up their game. Stopping the boats, closing hotels, driving living standards, going after genuine criminals and getting more people into work — voters don't ask the world of their politicians, they just want the basics done right so they can get on in life. Sir Keir needs to restore that uniquely British sense of fairness — or it could all end in tiers. NEVER wrestle with a pig – you both get dirty but the pig likes it. I fear Sir Keir Starmer's latest mud-slinging campaign against Nigel Farage could see him end up on the wrong end of that old political slogan. 3 New Labour attack ads claim the Reform leader 'wants to make it easier to share revenge porn online' and would 'put women and girls at risk'. Another one attempts to portray him as best mates with social media misogynist Andrew Tate. It all comes shortly after ministers lampooned Farage, right, as 'on the side' of modern day Jimmy Saviles. Politics can be a dirty business and sometimes it pays dividends to go below the belt. But if the gloves are off, the PM should not be surprised if he now gets hit back twice as hard. And Reform are hardly the sort who will pull their punches. I suspect the real reason Labour has ratcheted up the criticism is that nothing else is sticking to Teflon Nige, or knocking him off his perch atop the polls. A No10 insider recently told me their attempts to undermine the costs of Farage's policies were futile. They said: 'We are so far out from a general election that nobody cares about whether the sums add up. It's all vibes.'
The Guardian
37 minutes ago
- The Guardian
Supermarkets suspend supplies from Lincolnshire pig farm after covert filming of animal abuse
Three of the UK's biggest supermarkets have suspended supplies from a Lincolnshire pig farm after footage filmed covertly by an animal rights organisation appeared to show workers kicking piglets and hitting them with boards and paddles. The footage also suggested the injured pigs with open wounds were packed into pens covered in faeces, with some left lame and writhing in pain. Tesco, Asda and Sainsbury's said they had 'immediately' suspended supplies from Somerby Top Farm, which also reportedly supplies Morrisons, after becoming aware of the footage. The farm was bought by Cranswick, Britain's largest pork supplier, in late 2023 and was audited and certified by the British animal welfare and food assurance scheme Red Tractor in October 2024. The animal rights group the Animal Justice Project (AJP) says it filmed the abuse between May 2024 and January 2025. It claims cameras hidden across the farm over this period showed legally required welfare checks often ignored, visible injuries and suffering, such as a pig who was bleeding from a ruptured hernia, with official inspections of 1,000 pigs taking as little as 90 seconds. There were 'multiple botched killings of lame piglets', which left them in agony for over 30 seconds after being shot, according to the Mail on Sunday, which obtained the undercover footage. Workers would routinely 'hit pigs with boards, paddles and their fists, deliberately targeting areas such as their snout and eyes'. One piglet, which 'showed clear signs of extreme pain', was reportedly left dying for 33 hours as other piglets cannibalised an open wound. 'He had no escape from being eaten alive', said the narrator of the film published on the AJP website, claiming that workers ignored the pig's squeals of distress. 'During our filming, Somerby Top [Farm] was audited by Red Tractor,' the narrator said. 'Yet just two weeks later, when we returned, we were met with the same squalid conditions.' Red Tractor said it could not verify this, but responded to the 'deeply distressing' footage by suspending Somerby Top farm's certification with 'immediate effect' and referring the farm to the government animal welfare regulator, the Animal and Plant Health Agency. 'Red Tractor is conducting a thorough review of both current and historical footage, compliance and staffing on the farm,' the organisation said in a statement. 'The farm will remain unassured if Red Tractor is not satisfied our standards are met.' They said footage had only been presented to Red Tractor this month. 'This delay is concerning and suggests that these activists have prioritised ideology over protecting animal welfare. Red Tractor provides a free anonymous whistleblowing service and we actively encourage anyone with concerns to raise these so that we can investigate immediately.' In a statement, Cranswick said the health and welfare of its pigs was the company's 'highest priority': 'We are horrified to see the unacceptable treatment of pigs at Somerby Top farm, [which was] historically recorded and brought to our attention this week.' The company added that since May, when covert footage filmed by AJP showed apparent abuse at another of its farms, North Moor Farm, it has installed CCTV at all its indoor pig farms, recruited five new welfare officers, retrained all its farm workers and commissioned an independent veterinarian-led review across all its farms. It said it had launched an investigation as soon as the AJP shared the footage: 'The staff involved are no longer with the business.' Morrisons did not immediately respond to a request for comment.
