Here's a new word for TV news in India

The Hindu

4 days ago

Hello readers. Are you consumers of TV news by any chance? If so, I have two questions.
First of all: why?
Second of all: I hope you are okay.
You see friends, when it comes to TV news, all Indians find themselves in a situation that is widely known as: between a rock and a hard place.
Let me explain this idiom with a real-life example.
Many years ago, I had to travel to Karaikudi from Tiruchi, by bus, in order to represent my college in an inter-college football tournament. I was the back-up goalkeeper. Our original goalkeeper injured himself in one of the preliminary matches, and was forced to retire. So they immediately summoned me.
So there I was. In the bus. And just shortly before reaching Karaikudi, the bus broke down. And I found myself in a rock-and-a-hard-place situation.
On one side, there was the hard place: the outskirts of Karaikudi. In the height of summer. At four in the morning. On a stretch of road. With not a single other bus in sight. Just apocalyptic heat.
And on the other side was the rock: a young man named Usman who was also on his way to Karaikudi to meet family or some such. We had become friends on the journey.
After at least 30 minutes of waiting, there was still no sign of the bus moving. I suggested to Usman that we perhaps get out of the bus and find alternative means of transport. He said no. What if we got out, found nothing, and then couldn't get back on to the bus? Also, it was pitch dark outside. What if, Usman said, there were bandits or dacoits?
Reader, the bus was absolutely heaving with people. A moist morass of humanity. If we stepped out, there was zero chance we would get our seats back. Some dastardly old man or villainous pregnant woman would immediately take it. And then we would have to stand.
So there I was. Unable to get out of the bus. But also barely able to stay on the bus. And so we sat there for another 30 minutes.
By this point, the bus was so hot, sweaty and sticky, that Usman was permanently fused to my right side. He has been living attached to me ever since. Usman, say hello to the readers.
Usman: Hello readers.
Thanks Usman, you can go back to work. (He is a Javascript developer.)
Readers, this is also the situation many of you find yourselves in when it comes to consuming TV news in India.
On the one hand, there is the rock: the Indian TV news industry.
I want to be very sensitive here when I refer to the work of fellow media professionals and journalists. So let me choose my words carefully. Indian TV news media is like smallpox for the brain. It is a relentless stream of factual nonsense and emotional manipulation directly poured into the minds of unsuspecting viewers by total charlatans. Thereby leaving viewers in a permanent state of mental siege: an unrelenting sense of dread and fear and loathing towards something or the other. The greatest enemy of Indian TV news is the content citizen.
So that, in essence, is the rock.
But what about the hard place? The hard place is foreign TV news.
Since Indian TV news is the absolute shenanigans, as mentioned above, you would expect to find some solace in the international TV news coverage of India.
See, the problem with international TV coverage of India is that while it usually proceeds with more calm and less brain damage, it has the other issue of not knowing anything about India.
So you will start seeing some coverage about some event in India, and then suddenly the foreign anchor will make references to the 'President of Uttar Pradesh' or wonder, 'How can a country with poor people afford things such as satellite, or moon landing, or chemistry?'
Recently, I was watching a news bulletin on the Papal Conclave with an overseas journalist friend. And he noticed the Indian flag amongst the people in St. Peter's Square. He said: 'So funny. There is an Indian flag.'
I said: 'What is funny? India has slightly more Christians than the U.K. does.' You should have seen his face, readers.
All of which is to say, it is time we coined a term to capture this dilemma that Indian news consumers find themselves in.
And that term is: fraudcasting.
Example sentence: 'Unbearable fraudcasting about the Prime Minister's trip to London today. Indian channels have said that the U.K. is now property of India. Colonialism is avenged. American channel is discussing 'Ghandi'.'
Friends, sometimes the best news is no news whatsoever. Switch it off.
The writer is head of talent at Clarisights. He lives in London and is currently working on a new novel.