From Alberta to Stephen Colbert: An imagined look at who Mark Carney will offer statehood to next
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Carney's conditions are basically impossible: Gaza remains in control of a literal terrorist organization that refuses to surrender, while the Palestinian areas of the West Bank are in the hands of a Palestinian Authority that has suspended elections since 2005.
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The other easy critique — and the one being made by the Conservatives — is that it rewards terrorism. For decades, Canada has explicitly rejected unilateral recognition of a Palestinian state, including in a House of Commons vote held just last year. The only reason Carney is breaking with this precedent is because of a series of events that kicked off with the slaughter and mass-rape of hundreds of Israeli civilians on Oct. 7, 2023.
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At a time when Canada faces threats unlike any since the Second World War, complete national unity is an imperative. This may include the extension of self-determination to regions such as Alberta which pose barriers to this. However, this is predicated on Alberta's agreement to much-needed social and political reforms. If, in the next six weeks, the province can suspend its oil sector, transition its vehicle fleet to 50 per cent EVs and phase out its environmentally destructive beef sector in favour of more sustainable nutritive options such as quinoa or jicama we will recognize a State of Alberta at the 80th session of the United Nations General Assembly.
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Afghanistan
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The worsening condition of Afghan women and girls leaves no room for delay in a co-ordinated international action to extend peace and security in the recently established Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan. For this reason, Canada will recognize Afghanistan and its Taliban government and urge our European partners to do the same. That is, if the Taliban government can sign a memorandum of understanding to recognize the systemic equity-hostile dogma of its current policies and commit to hiring marginalized Afghans in at least 11.5 per cent of civil service positions.
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Puerto Rico and Stephen Colbert
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Bullies like Donald Trump only understand strength. This is why, in a bold show of diplomatic convening power, Canada will unilaterally recognize Puerto Rico as the 51st U.S. state, and immediately petition Washington to make space for Puerto Rican representatives in its Senate and House of Representatives. We will also be instructing our diplomats to indefinitely continue recognizing Stephen Colbert as host of The Late Show.
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