Dear Richard Madeley: Mum is complaining about the staff at her care home – just not the white ones

Telegraph

7 days ago

Dear Richard,
My mother is in a care home near us in south London, having lived in the country for many years. She is partially paralysed after a stroke; not classed as having dementia, but her memory is not good and she can seem disorientated. We visit as often as we can and her room is full of pictures of family and bits of her needlepoint and things from home. There's a roster of care workers who look after her, some of whom clearly adore her. It took her a while to get used to the indignity of 'personal care' but she does now speak fondly of at least some of them.
However, she has recently complained to us about rudeness and roughness on the part of three of the carers, and asked that these individuals not look after her in future. Naming no names, we have asked the director whether residents can request specific carers – and she made it clear that that would not really be feasible. Our only option would therefore be to escalate Mum's complaints and name the carers involved.
Of course, we want Mum to have the best possible experience of this inevitably trying stage of life. We also want to respect her experience and not give her the third degree. But the fact is that she is quite vague about what it was about the three carers she didn't like. It's also quite striking to us that they are all of west African heritage, with a way of talking that will be very unfamiliar to a white woman who has spent most of her life in rural Wiltshire.
Without in any way wishing to accuse her of being prejudiced we wonder whether there is a sensitive way of handling this that doesn't involve subjecting three hard-working care professionals to possible disciplinary proceedings, with no guarantee that their replacements, if they were replaced, would be any more congenial to Mum. Any advice would be most welcome.
– G&R, London
Dear G&R,
You need to prioritise in what I accept is a potentially difficult and sensitive situation.
What is most important here? Answer: your mother. If she is unhappy with specific carers, while being more than comfortable with others, then you – and the care home – have a duty to investigate the reasons why. Start by gently finding out as much as you can about the specific problem. I believe you should be absolutely colour-blind in this issue. The only thing that matters is the truth. Are these three carers treating your mother unkindly? Yes or no?
You must not be afraid of 'escalating' this, whether to the home's management, your local authority or even the Care Quality Commission. You don't have to accuse anyone directly of anything. You merely have to ask that your mother's concerns be properly and professionally looked into. That's in everyone's interests, surely?
At the very least, your mother will have had a fair hearing and the truth – one hopes – will have been established. There may be some specific explanation for certain incidents to do with overwork or clashing rotas or somesuch. There may indeed be misunderstandings at play, and perhaps everyone can learn from the episode. But if your mother remains unhappy – even if these specific carers are exonerated – you may have to consider moving her to another care home. Let's hope it doesn't come to that.